A thought crossed Rainbow’s mind as she and Zecora crouched behind cover: if there was one thing she was great at, besides being awesome, her phenomenal flying, fearlessness and—she blinked, realizing she’d gotten a bit off track. She started again: one of the many things she was great at was getting under the skin of authority figures.
Ticking off somepony as wise and patient as Queen Celestia was no easy feat, and Rainbow hadn’t deliberately set out to annoy her. Not exactly, anyway. Compared to that, driving Nightmare Moon to distraction was almost too easy.
Assuming it didn’t get them both killed.
Believe it or not though, Rainbow Dash—for one of the seemingly rare times in her life—actually had a plan. She gave the general outline to Zecora as they crouched behind a fallen pillar. Rainbow practically had to yell in Zecora’s ear just to be heard over the din.
Zecora grunted. “As far as plans go, it is not the best. If she catches us, we’ll be put to rest.”
Rainbow pointed out at the dust and debris being kicked up by Nightmare Moon’s temper tantrum. “That should provide us with some cover.”
“Nightmare Moon is wrathful and controlled by rage,” Zecora conceded as magical lightning rained down around them, blasting more of the ruined castle to bits. “But sooner or later she will leave this cage.”
Rainbow yelped as a stray piece of rock hit her right between the ears. “Yeah, but this trap isn’t for her!”
In her fury, Nightmare Moon had abandoned any sense of precision or forethought. She was merely venting by this point, striking at anything in her field of vision—right until she had no field of vision anymore, the dust obscuring almost everything in the throne room. With an annoyed whicker, she stopped and flew up. “Find them!” she snapped at her Shadowbolts. “I will find the Elements of Harmony—woe to you all if you let those two escape!”
Having heard the whole thing, Rainbow whispered to Zecora, “Do you still have that weird illusion powder of yours?”
Zecora nodded slowly.
“Good. I’m gonna need you to use it—all of it.”
Rainbow saw, to her delight, that the Shadowbolts had split up. From what she’d seen of them, the further apart the three of them were the more their individual natures started to spring up. It was now or never.
The Ditzy Shadowbolt landed close by. Fortunately, she couldn’t spot them through the swirling dust and was left to try to clear the air by softly beating her wings. Rainbow deliberately stirred a rock with her hoof to draw her in.
Sure enough, the Shadowbolt heard it and flitted over to them. But when she arrived, it wasn’t Rainbow Dash or Zecora she was left to face. Instead, she was greeted by a ghostly green apparition, a small unicorn filly so young that she didn’t even have her cutie mark yet. Her eyes wavering as she looked up, she let out a soft cry. “Mommy?”
It was Dinky. Or at least, a representation of her conjured up by Zecora’s powder. Like Rainbow had hoped, there was enough of Derpy inside the Shadowbolt to at least pause. “W-what sorcery is this?” The minion of Nightmare Moon leaned back, uncharacteristically uncertain.
“M-Mommy…” the ghostly Dinky begged, her muzzle scrunching up in a sniffle. “I want my mommy back.” From where she was hidden, Rainbow could see the Shadowbolt close her eyes and shake her head. When she opened them again, one of her eyes was slightly off-kilter.
There’s Derpy. Rainbow smirked. That soon faded when she saw Cloud Kicker flitting nearby. Grabbing a hoofull of Zecora’s powder, she intercepted Cloud before she could get too close, tossing it in front of her. Out of the mist, a new image emerged: Cloud Kicker’s little sister, Alula. “Cloudy?” The Alula-image looked around, so lifelike that even Rainbow Dash almost forgot it wasn’t real. “Why’d you leave?”
The Cloud Shadowbolt reacted much as Derpy did and took a step back. “Y-you aren’t real, you don’t—you don’t matter,” she repeated, as much to herself as to anypony. “We are servants of…” Cloud’s affirmation died stillborn as she stumbled, looking around as if suddenly uncertain of where she was. “W-what?”
Rainbow looked around. Derpy had reached out towards the illusion of Dinky and let out a low moan when her hoof went straight through her. “Dinky…”
Rainbow tried keeping an eye on both her and Cloud, making sure they didn’t get too close. Naturally, that was when the third Shadowbolt arrived. “You!” Blossomforth barked, tensing up and preparing to attack. Which wasn’t terribly promising, though Rainbow did see that Derpy and Cloud hadn’t fallen in to join her.
“Yeah, I know who I am.” Rainbow offered her most cheesy grin. “Come on, really? That’s all you got?” She didn’t know her very well, so she was stalling until she could think of something. “So, ah … I don’t know you, but you work with Cloud and Derpy. I’m betting that you’re friends, since they’re pretty easy to get along with. Does any of this seem right to you?” She stepped back so she was standing in the middle of the green mist, flanked by the fake Dinky and Alula. “This isn’t who any of you are. Think!”
The three paused. Rainbow had noticed back when she flew against them earlier—the way they worked in tandem despite having such different flying styles and strengths. There was no way they could’ve come up with that on their own in such a short amount of time. That meant the connection between them had to be magic.
Twilight had confirmed as much to Rainbow before she headed off after Zecora. Considering how fast Nightmare Moon was ready to dump her loyal but free-thinking batponies, she figured the Shadowbolts wouldn’t have much by the way of autonomy. But from what Twilight said, Nightmare Moon couldn’t just erase everything from the three of them—otherwise they’d be such empty vessels that they couldn’t do anything without Nightmare Moon taking the time to will them to do it. So she restricted most of their memories and bound their minds together.
Rainbow Dash tended to fly solo, but she still knew a thing or two about coordinated flying. A group coming together, acting as one—it magnified their strengths and made them stronger than the sum of their parts. But at the same time, if you messed with the heads of even one member, it could throw everything off.
Hitting all three of them with memories of who they really were—that probably had even more of an impact. Now was the moment of truth. Rainbow exhaled. “Derpy—Ditzy, I’m right here. Listen to me.” She waited until she was sure Ditzy was looking at her—well, mostly looking at her. Her mouth felt dry. “You know this isn’t who you are. You’re a lot of things: mailmare, weather worker, mom, best friend, occasionally destructive force of nature—but some uniformed thug for an evil overlord isn’t one of them. None of you are!”
She looked to Cloud Kicker. “Remember when you realized that you didn’t really want to join the guards? You came to me, because even if you didn’t know what you wanted to do, you still trusted me enough to want my opinion. Now you’ve got a good life in Ponyville, living with your sister, working on the weather team—do you even remember what being happy is when you’re like that?”
Without even waiting for an answer, Rainbow whirled on Blossomforth. “You should be making a sunny day so the kids of Ponyville can play in the park, not lurking in some dingy castle in the middle of nowhere!”
She turned back to where she had started, with Derpy. “You made me the godmother to your daughter. I—I don’t think I’ve been doing a very good job of it. I was so busy obsessing over the sonic rainboom and my stuff with Celestia that I haven’t given her, or you, the attention you deserve. And I am so so sorry for that—and for getting you caught up in all of this.”
Her voice grew hoarse at the end. Rainbow Dash closed her eyes, needing a minute to stop to collect herself, but she knew she couldn’t afford to wait. “Your daughter needs you—I need you. When I let you and Cloud and Fluttershy virtually drift out of my life, I was miserable! I thought it was because of the rainboom or my training with Celestia or that Canterlot itself just sucked. But the real thing is ... I need my friends back.”
She scrunched her eyes shut, feeling moisture well up. If this didn’t work—if her closest friends were so far gone that they’d be Nightmare Moon’s slaves forever—she didn’t know what she’d do. When she felt a hoof coming down on her shoulder, she snapped her eyes open, thinking this was it—and then Derpy hugged her.
Rainbow hugged her back, knowing in that moment that everything was going to be okay. Cloud Kicker draped a wing across her back, soon joined by Blossomforth. To her amazement, she saw their uniforms seem to peel off and dissolve, along with the magic that had dulled their coats and changed their wings. Unlike when Twilight used her magic to forcibly transform Shining Armor back, this didn’t seem to hurt them at all.
The three were all fully restored and back to normal in less than a minute. Rainbow whooped and hugged them tightly, not even trying to hide the tears in her eyes. She had needed this win so badly. No matter what else happened, her friends were okay. She'd kept her promise to Dinky and Alula.
She hadn't failed them.
"R-Rainbow?" Derpy's voice was raspy, though that might have been from the strength of Rainbow's embrace. "I-I'm so sorry! I tried so hard to stop myself but—"
"Doesn't matter," Rainbow hiccuped. "Don't worry about it. You hit like a filly anyway."
"Liar." Derpy nuzzled her. "But thank you."
Cloud reached out and rested her hoof on Rainbow's back. Rainbow looked up and saw her swaying slightly. "Hey Dashie. Come here often?"
She snorted, making room to hug her too. "You must really be out of it if that's the best pickup line you can make."
Rainbow didn’t know how long she spent embracing them before Zecora tapped her gently with her staff. “I’m sorry to call you away, but we still need to save the day.”
She blinked, getting back on track. “Right! Okay, listen guys.” She looked to her three friends. “I need you to get out of here.”
Cloud Kicker stared at her incredulously. “You want us to run away while you confront Nightmare Moon? Alone?” She snorted and shook her head. “That worked out so well for you last time.”
Cloud always did tend to go straight to the heart of things. Rainbow winced. “Look, I don’t know how much of all this craziness you remember or not, but there is a plan. But if Nightmare Moon mind-whammies you again...” She let her voice trail off. She didn't want to come out and say it, but all three of them looked incredibly worn down and tired. It could've been emotional exhaustion or maybe, with Nightmare Moon's magic broken, all the exertion-free activity they'd gotten up to all night was finally catching up to them. “Alula and Dinky need you guys. Ponyville needs you. You’ve been through enough, so just … please. Go home.”
None of them seem to like it but seemed too tired to muster any actual arguments.
Zecora stepped forward, looking equally exhausted. “If you would kindly allow me, there’s a solution that I see.” She jerked her head towards the doorway. “Go up to the tower on the right. I hid the elements there, out of sight.” Rainbow blinked, recalling what she had overheard between Nightmare Moon and Zecora. She wanted to ask, but there wasn’t time. “Hurry now and fly, you prismatic fool! If she gets them, it’s Nightmare who will rule!”
"Right, you bring them outside and I'll get the Elements!" Rainbow saluted, flying out of the ruined throne room as quickly as she could. After haphazardly navigating through ruined corridors and half-fallen ceilings, she found the tower. A quick look around showed that Nightmare Moon hadn’t shown up yet. That gave her some time.
So, Rainbow thought to herself, what do these Elements of Harmony even look like again? Knowing would admittedly make her search a lot easier. She flew from one corner of the room to the other, growing more frustrated when all she found was broken pieces of the castle and ruined pillars. It’d be so much easier if these things were on a pedestal or something...
She knew Nightmare Moon would be by all too soon, looking for the Elements herself. Rainbow rubbed the sides of her head. Zecora said she hid them in this room—where would she put them? Not someplace obvious, that’s for certain…
Rainbow Dash let herself fall flat on her back, staring up at the roof as she thought. That’s when she spotted a relief of constellations carved into the ceiling. This room must’ve belonged to her a thousand years ago. No wonder Zecora hid them here, it’d be the last place Nightmare Moon would think to look.
Rainbow examined the constellations for a moment, the stars marked by brightly colored gemstones implanted in the ceiling with the brightest one being the North Star located right at the center. Which, she realized, just happened to ringed by six plain, ordinary rounded stones. Looking at them triggered something in her and she simply knew, without any doubt, that she had found them.
She quickly flew up and started to tug at one of them. It came free rather quickly and soon she was holding ... an Element of Harmony. It was kind of a let down really, Rainbow thought as she turned it over. It was just a perfectly spherical stone with a vague kind of symbol carved into it. The world’s most powerful paperweight.
After setting it down on the floor, she flew back up to fetch another, and then another. Soon all six of Elements were assembled in a ring on the floor. Rainbow picked one of them up just as the room darkened. It was if all the light had been drained out. A cold chill filled the air right before a familiar blue smoke surged in. It swirled around, soon congealing into Nightmare Moon.
For a brief moment, Rainbow felt a twinge of panic. She hadn’t been alone with her since … since Celestia vanished. Rainbow clutched the Element so hard her hooves began to ache. She boldly thrust the Element out at Nightmare Moon. “Alright, that’s enough! Time for you to go back to the moon where you belong!”
For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after another second or two, nothing continued to happen. Rainbow’s defiant words, big and bold as life faded into a dull echo in the empty expanses, and with it Rainbow’s confidence.
Nightmare Moon snorted, suddenly amused by her failure. “You do not even know how to use those relics, do you?”
Rainbow’s mind filled with all manner of swears as she urged the things to work, blast it. Rainbow held one of the Elements out at Nightmare Moon, like a holy relic to keep a demon at bay. The dark alicorn ignored it and calmly walked up to her. Her face was scrunched up, as if she were trying not to laugh. Rainbow, scrambling for any other ideas, reared back as if prepared to throw the Element right in her face.
Nightmare Moon scoffed. “Yes, I’m sure that will work.”
Her sarcasm lanced through Rainbow Dash like a blade. She couldn’t believe that she had come this far, gone through so much, found the Elements, only for the bucking things to not even work?! This wasn’t how this was supposed to go!
The Element slipped from her hooves, landing on the floor with a final, awful sounding thunk. A grim punctuation to what Rainbow thought would mean the end of everything she’d worked towards.
But contrary to her expectation Nightmare Moon made no move to attack her. Instead she gently nudged the Element out of her way, letting it roll across the floor. “Come,” she said in a surprisingly normal tone of voice. “Let us talk.” Her mane and tail spread out, surrounding and engulfing the two of them in a cloud of mist.
Rainbow be like "The power of friendship compels you! The power of friendship compels you!"
Brilliant way of handling the Shadow Bolts.
Dear god.
Oh that's playing dirty.
Correct.
YES! Nice work, Rainbow!
Well, they are.
She has no clue.
You're going to give the 'We Can Rule Together' speech, try to make Celestia out as the bad guy and make yourself look like all innocent, aren't you?
9964003
Nightmare Moon be like:
media.giphy.com/media/YCxFCLMsBUcpO/200.gif
9964003
And Nightmare Moon be like: "Well, it isn't very compelling"
Ooh, I loved rainbow Dash talking to her friends like that. Very good. And lol at her trying to ward off Nightmare Moon with the Elements like that. Almost, Dashie. Almost. :p
9964427
Nightmare Moon be all:
https://youtu.be/RwWnBLP11h4?t=30
9964751
Yes, but I don't remember it. I've just read enough fiction to know where this sort of thing goes.
I have recently read the original and I must say that this chapter is an improvement with Rainbow Dash using more than just the illusion of Dinky (and here Alula as well) to reach the Shadowbolts.
I was honestly expecting a rhyme for "fly" there. I think it may have been a meter thing? If you delete "and fly" from the first phrase, you'll avoid that little rhythmic hiccup. Not a necessary change, but... punchier?
I'm just plain not sure what you meant here.
I definitely do like that you're not just gathering the mane 6 around and swapping Twilight and Rainbow around for the friendship laser zappening.
9964118
To be honest, I was hoping for the transformation (especially the mind-link) to be permanent. It would have been so much more interesting to read about them having to learn to live with it.
Like that deleted scene in Terminator 2 where we learn that the T-800s are set to Read-only mode when Skynet sends them out, because if they continuously actually gathered and stored data they'd have a tendency to go independent and actually develop morality and not want to follow their programming and kill humans.
The T-1000 did not have that problem...but for a different reason. Due to its nature, it can't enter read-only mode - but that's not much of a problem because it turns out that the T-1000 is legitimately sadistic of its own accord, and also frighteningly fast at learning. As in, "Skynet shut down the program becasue it was legitimately concerned the T-1000 might rebel against it and try and replace it". It only reactivated the T-1000 when it had literally no other choice at the end of the Future War, since it had lost anyway.
*smack*
Nightmare Moon: "OW! Motherfeather - "
Rainbow Dash: "Ha-ha! Fastball special!"
True to Rainbow Dash I guess, but man, is she ever insufferable. Her parental figure’s just been killed, the world’s been taken over by a tyrant, and she’s over here just flexin’ on what a badass she is. Priorities, girl.
All it needs is paragraphs.
Having heard the whole thing, Rainbow whispered to Zecora, “Do you still have that weird illusion powder of yours?”
Zecora nodded slowly.
“Good. I’m gonna need you to use it—all of it.”
Rainbow saw, to her delight, that the Shadowbolts had split up. From what she’d seen of them, the further apart the three of them were the more their individual natures started to spring up. It was now or never.
Pretty clever plan, actually.
It seems doubtful that this would work. The Shadowbolts’ thought processes have been totally rewired, so it’s likely Blossomforth would be impervious to this kind of frontal attack of cold, hard logic. Whereas hitting Derpy and Cloud from a visceral, emotional angle seems likely to flank Nightmare Moon’s programming.
So it’s like a mental Carluda’s chain. They’re essentially functioning as a hive mind, with all pretense of thought distributed among the three of them. See, if that’s the case, then it makes more sense that Blossomforth would be affected. Rainbow’s emotional attack has turned Derpy and Cloud into weak links, so Blossomforth can’t “off-load” any part of the decision-making process onto them. She might even be experiencing ripples of emotional pain emanating from the other thralls.
This is the Rainbow I enjoy, not the egotistical Rainbow from the opening paragraph. Maybe it’s just me, but I just have a hard time reconciling the fact that the same character is giving off such completely contradictory vibes. It might be a tone issue. Did the losses Rainbow suffered earlier in the story cause her to get taken down a peg, or didn’t they? If they did, then why is she still in the same headspace where she’s capable of preening about how great she is? Shouldn’t she be more down on herself? Shouldn’t she be more focused, more serious about the whole situation? Why is she huddling behind cover mere yards away from this stampeding demigoddess, and the thing that’s going through her mind is, “Man, I’m so awesome and fearless and good at flying, ain’t I a little stinker who rebels against authority?”
But then half a chapter later, she’s suddenly repentant for being too self-obsessed. I don’t know, I just get this weird sense of whiplash from it.
On one hand, I think the opening paragraph is a singular example of the shortcomings of telling the story exclusively through Rainbow’s eyes. If just the opening paragraph were third-person omniscient, then it would be disconnected from Rainbow’s ego, and it wouldn’t detract as much.
But on a macro level, I think there’s something else going on. It feels like there’s this constant good-faith effort to keep character with Rainbow’s canon depiction, and the things about Rainbow’s personality that make Rainbow distinctively Rainbow. Which, you know, I get it. You’re not writing an OC. But I think if you kowtow to that too much, you put the character in a box they can’t grow out of. There’s a lot of things about Rainbow’s upbringing in this ’verse that would make her a less self-absorbed, more well-rounded character. There’s a lot of things that have happened in just the last few hours that would probably leave an indelible impression on Rainbow’s personality, her emotions, her conceptions about who she is. But from time to time, all of that seems to fall by the wayside, and Rainbow reverts to base form. That makes it hard to get a feeling for the emotional gravity of any situation, and it also makes it a lot more difficult to discern Rainbow’s character arc when her growth feels like it’s frequently being arrested.
So, from a writerly perspective, this is the need in answer to Rainbow’s want.
At the start of the story, she wants fame and glory, self-actualization, independence, and recognition for her talents—no strings attached.
As the story unfolds, she comes to find out she needs to stop being so self-obsessed. She needs to care more about other people, to have them as friends and companions.
It has the makings of a good arc, but again, I think it’s frequently undercut by Rainbow slipping back into her old habits. If the lesson is self-obsession = bad, caring about others = good, that’s fine. But she’s in this box where she still constantly reverts to being prideful and egotistical. And even though the other members of the Mane Six have acquitted themselves well on the journey and displayed admirable qualities, it doesn’t feel like Rainbow really appreciates any of them, aside from maybe Applejack and Fluttershy. Twilight, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity are either dead weight or allies of convenience depending on the dictates of the situation. And that causes her character arc to feel somewhat disjointed.
This feels rushed. The Shadowbolts, redeemed and pushed out the door in the span of basically one paragraph. This needs, like, an extra page or two to give Rainbow—and more importantly, the reader—that moment of catharsis. This is a really huge thing Rainbow’s just done, opening herself up, exposing her own raw emotions, and in so doing, giving these characters back their free will, giving Dinky and Alula back their parents/parental figures. I think the story deserves a brief moment to bask in it. Also, Derpy should probably say something to Rainbow here, right? Why’s she all buttoned up?
I think you could use a scene break here. You know, do that ===***=== thing to convey the idea that we’re in a different place now, with different characters.
The story’s just flying at a hundred miles an hour now. Need to slow down. Stop and smell the roses. Show, don’t tell.
“Nightmare Moon appeared” is telling, not showing. How did she appear? Where did she appear? What did it look like? Did she trot through the doorway? Did she appear in a bolt of lightning? Did her slitted eyes appear from out of a curtain of curling blue smoke? Set the scene. Don’t be in a hurry.
Ah, yes. “Blast it,” the pinnacle of pony swears.
Not gonna line, I know it would be a misplaced moment of comedy, but a part of me really wanted Rainbow to just belt Nightmare Moon in the face with a stone orb here.
Thanks for the review! As always, I do deeply appreciate it and I do give what you say their due weight (and sorry in advance for the length. Brevity is not a strong suit of mine).
10762417
It’s a stray thought that crosses her mind. You’re ascribing far too much weight to a passing thought she had that was meant (story-wise) to convey humor. You've done this in the past to more than a few throwaway jokes that were subject to far more scrutiny and weight than they really warranted. Yes, the story is overall serious, but even serious stories and situations have moments of levity. Not to mention the fact that in high-stress situations, sometimes utterly random and even silly thoughts can cross someone's mind without them even meaning or wanting them to.
This needs some clarification: This is not, I repeat NOT, some “take Rainbow down a peg” story where the lesson is for her to realize that pride is bad and being humble and modest is good because…because! The episodes that pulled that (Mysterious Mare Do Well, 28 Pranks Later, Newbie Dash, 2-4-6 Greaaat) were to put it simply: utter shit without any redeeming quality and so bad that I almost quit watching the series cold-turkey during Season 6. I categorically loathe those episodes. So that isn't what I'm going for here.
There is no contradiction between Rainbow Dash being allowed to exhibit her pride in herself and her realizing that she let her obsessive pursuit of the sonic rainboom, her destiny to stop NMM, etc. get in the way of her existing friendships. It’s, simply put, wrong to view her continuing to take pride in herself throughout the story as her “not learning her lesson” about what a mistake she made in not reaching out more to her friends. The two issues are not synonymous. Heck, she even realized she'd made a mistake in not keeping more in touch with her old friends before Nightmare Moon ever showed up and had resolved to do better. Her guilt over that and drive to get them back is part of what motivates her in the story.
To continue from above, you're right in that Rainbow has to distinguish between what she wants (proving the haters wrong, validating to the whole world why she deserves to be Celestia's student, etc.) and what she needs. But you're making a bit of a mistake in how you frame it, as I sketched out above. There's also a bit of a mischaracterization in saying that she needs to learn to value friendship and companionship.
Rainbow isn't in Twilight's shoes from where she was at the series' premiere. She's not a pony who doesn't see the value in friendship at all, as Twilight did. She does value friendship and has several close friends she continued to care about, even if she realizes now she didn't make enough time for them. In fact, it's her losing them to NMM that led to Rainbow drawing in on herself and needing to open herself up again.
It's not that Rainbow has to learn that friendship matters--she has to learn that friends don't necessarily need to be people like you (a la May the Best Pet Win). She had shared interests or experiences to bond with her flight camp friends, to the point of wanting to bring them along on her big quest. She doesn't have those, at the start, with the Mane Six. So she doesn't think of them as friends and isn't too interested in even trying to make friends with them, prioritizing the mission and letting her experiences in Canterlot skew her perspectives (that is, she was so different that the Canterlot ponies and her couldn't bond, so she'd only stick with ponies who she had something in common with).
Her slowness to warm up to most of the Mane Six was due to several factors, as I've discussed before (to keep herself from being hurt like that again, to keep other ponies safe from becoming targets, not thinking they'd be of much help in stopping NMM, etc.) Them proving her wrong about their value in getting through the forest is what helps her reevaluate her other conclusions about being able to reach out to and befriend ponies of vastly different interests and temperements.
She's had several moments of being amazed by their hidden depths and expressing just how incredible each of the Mane Six are. Those who, at the start (emphasis on start) seemed like they'd be "deadweight" proved their worth later on in big ways. That was what convinced Rainbow she was wrong--not just about their value on this mission, but on her ability to bond with ponies so unlike her.