Being a pegasus with a love of risks, Rainbow Dash was intimately familiar with the sensation of being struck by lightning. She anticipated the surge of white-hot pain that would envelope her whole body and braced herself for it. Right before the lightning struck, a white glowing bubble sprang up around her and the others as Twilight shielded them with her magic. Despite this, she wasn't able to completely block Nightmare Moon's attack.
It wasn't the searing pain Rainbow had anticipated, but she still felt an intense zap and was flung against the wall, reeling at the sensation. She laid there, groaning for a moment before sitting up, “Ugh, I feel like I drank a keg of AJ’s not-for-foals apple cider.”
The joke, feeble as it was, caused everypony to sigh in relief. “You’re all right!” Twilight smiled, practically trembling.
“Heh, you know me.” Rainbow ran a hoof through her mane. “Just needed some more time to figure out how to make the best comeback ever.”
“I don’t think there’s enough time left in all of Equestria for that,” Applejack commented, “but we’re glad t’see yer in one piece.” She clapped her on the back, not noticing how Rainbow bit down on her lip trying not to show how tender she still was. Maybe it was because it was magic lightning instead of being the real deal, but she found the pain fading quickly as they helped her up.
“It is good to see you again, Rainbow Dash.” Rarity nodded to her, idly trying to spruce up Rainbow’s mane. “I for one certainly hope that you have a backup plan now that the Elements of Harmony are….” She fished for a proper description as she viewed the ruined remains. “…a bunch of dumb rocks.”
Rainbow narrowed her eyes and snorted. “Forget the Elements.”
Everypony looked at her in askance. “Um, Rainbow Dash?” Twilight looked at her. “How are we supposed to stop Nightmare Moon without the Elements of Harmony?”
Dash clenched her jaw. “I’ll tell you how! We’re going to do it ourselves!” She looked around at them. “We thought we could just get lucky and have some magic artifact take care of the problem for us. But that’s not how it worked out. And maybe it shouldn’t!”
She pointed angrily at Nightmare Moon. “She tried to tempt me with all my dreams like they were just something that could be given to you as a freebie. Celestia taught me that you have to work to get where you want to go.” Rainbow Dash looked at each of her friends in turn. “And you know what? We all worked to get where we are: right here, right now. So who needs a bunch of mystic doodads or whatever when we got us?
“Pinkie Pie she saved us all from the Swamp of Despair by being joyful and laughing and—well, being random. If she can make us smile when we were reliving our worst moments ever, then she can do anything!” Pinkie smiled and let out a small hop of joy.
“Rarity.” Dash turned around. “She surrounds herself with beautiful outfits and stuff, but didn’t hesitate to give away something priceless to her if it meant making things better for others.” Rarity smiled gratefully, touched by the compliment. “She took herself out of her comfort zone and into one of the nastiest places in all of Equestria! You’re telling me that isn’t amazing?”
“Applejack!” She looked to her next. “She might look and act like a simple old farmpony.” Dash couldn’t help but smirk a little at Applejack’s half-annoyed eye roll. “But she stood up and told the truth, knowing that it might mean giving up the life she loved. But more than that, she’s true to herself. When you’re that honest and have that strong a sense of justice, it makes others want to be as good and pure as her.” Applejack blushed slightly, tugging her hat down to hide her face.
But Rainbow wasn’t finished. “Fluttershy!” She eeped and looked surprised, even though she must’ve known it was coming. “Aside from being the nicest pony ever, she managed to make friends with the weirdest and creepiest of creatures. All that just by being herself and not like anypony else.” Fluttershy scuffed her hoof shyly. “Even though she was scared, she still came with us, knowing it’d be dangerous. When you’re kind and compassionate enough to make enemies into friends, nothing’s impossible!”
She turned around. “And then there’s Twilight. What can I say? Most awesome unicorn, ever!” Rainbow beamed, even as Twilight blushed and ducked her head. “She beat the most powerful unicorn in all of Canterlot and freed him from Nightmare Moon’s control. There are no words to describe the sheer amount of awesome she’s capable of. Even more impressive? She had to beat her own fears in order to do it.”
Rainbow circled around them. “When all this started I didn’t think you would be up to this … and I was wrong,” she admitted. “I asked if any of you had ever done the impossible. Well, if you hadn’t then, you sure have by now. You didn’t need some ancient artifact to do any of that, so why start now?”
“Let’s not forget about you, sugarcube.” Applejack nudged Rainbow. “Don’t sell yourself short … which isn’t something I ever thought I’d have to say to you,” she added wryly, to giggles from the others. “You blur the line between foolish and brave so much I’d forget they were two different words.” She slapped her on the withers. “You’ve stuck by us through thick and thin and there ain’t nothing that stopped you from getting to Ditzy and Shining and your other friends. Even though I could tell you were getting frustrated with us and maybe thought about going off on yer own, you didn't. You stayed with us all the way through. Shucks, I’d say you were the loyalest pony I ever met!”
“They’re right!” Pinkie flounced up and down.
Rarity nodded. “I agree darlings, who needs some tacky old bits of rock when we have the most fabulous and amazing ponies in all of Equestria, and the most fashionable as well?”
“Now that’s what I’m talking about!” Rainbow Dash pumped her hoof in the air. “Well, mostly,” she amended. “You girls ready?”
“Yeah!” came the enthused reply.
“Then let’s go!”
Twilight’s shield came down and the six mares charged Nightmare Moon as one. Rainbow saw a look of bemusement, even boredom on her face. Rainbow Dash just brushed it off until she saw the Nightmare’s expression change. It looked as though she had just spotted something out of the corner of her eye … and whatever it was, it unnerved her. Rainbow couldn’t afford to look away for more than a brief heartbeat, but it seemed that Nightmare Moon’s gaze had fallen on the broken shards of the Elements.
But Rainbow didn’t have time to dwell on it. Her attention had to be on Nightmare Moon herself. If they didn’t do something fast, Nightmare Moon could take them all out quickly with her alicorn magic, which dwarfed that of even Twilight or Shining Armor.
Luckily, fast was what Rainbow Dash was all about. “Keep her distracted for a second!” Without waiting for a reply, she darted out of the nearest window and flew around the entire castle to build up speed. The castle and the surrounding forest became nothing more than a gray-green blur to her. She reentered through a different window and flew towards the Nightmare from behind. “Hey!” she shouted, drawing Nightmare Moon’s attention away from the others. She smirked as she saw Nightmare Moon’s eyes widen in shock right before her hoof collided with her horn.
Like Shining Armor had drilled into her: when fighting unicorns, go for the horn. She had half-hoped it would break off under the impact, but no such luck. But the pained bellow from the Nightmare showed it wasn’t a wasted effort. Rainbow saw the magical aura around the horn flicker and fade but not go completely out. “Guys, she’s weakened! We’re never gonna have a better chance!”
As if to challenge her assertion, Nightmare Moon snarled and discharged a burst of magic her way, forcing her to veer off in a wide arc. Even hobbled, she was still an alicorn: one of the two most powerful ponies Equestria ever known.
But not untouchable.
Nightmare Moon was so focused on Rainbow that she hadn’t even noticed Pinkie Pie pronking her way towards her. She hopped onto the alicorn’s back and poked the back of her neck to get her attention.
“Hiya!” Pinkie waved to the thousand year-old terror when she did turn her head. “Um, I’m supposed to say something really brave and heroic now, but all I can think of is … El Kabong!” With that, she pulled out a small guitar from her mane and brought it crashing down on Nightmare Moon’s head with an audible klong.
Her helmet protected her from the worst of the impact, but Rainbow could still hear it echoing even from her vantage point. Nightmare Moon snarled angrily and bucked, tossing Pinkie off. Before she could hit the ground, Rainbow had swooped in and caught on. “Easy Pinks, I got you!”
“You’ve got me?” Pinkie yelped as dark jets of Nightmare Moon’s magic whizzed past them. “Who’s got you?!”
“That’d be me!” Applejack shouted as she whistled and hollered, drawing Nightmare Moon’s attention onto her. “Hey now, y’all are messin’ with me now!” She turned and started bucking bits of rock and debris at Nightmare Moon, only for them to be caught in mid-air by magic and hurled back towards her. “Aw, nuts.” Applejack only narrowly managed to dive out of the way before her own projectiles slammed into the ground where she had just been standing.
Rarity spotted the trouble Applejack was in and rushed over to help. “Why don’t you try picking on a mare your own—your—oh forget it!” Her dramatic entrance ruined, she settled for using her magic to lift broken shards of stained glass high into the air while her horn began to shimmer. Beams of light refracted off the glass, right into Nightmare Moon’s eyes. She hissed and turned away, raising a wing to block the beams.
Twilight took advantage of her temporary blindness to strike Nightmare Moon with a stream of magical energy. Even Fluttershy contributed what she could, extending a leg to trip up the powerful alicorn. She stumbled, but didn’t fall.
Nightmare Moon, looking more angry than in pain, slammed her hoof down onto the floor. Cracks radiated out across the floor and Rainbow suddenly remembered that being an alicorn didn’t just mean Nightmare Moon was strong in magic: she was strong in the conventional sense too. As if to underscore that, she proceeded to rip out chunks of rock from the ground and hurled them with practiced ease.
The group scattered, trying to avoid being squashed. Pinkie Pie popped out from behind a too-small looking rock and pulled Fluttershy behind it, waiting out the barrage. Rainbow didn’t even have any time to ponder over that. She was too busy weaving through the raining debris and keeping an eye on her friends. Twilight was using her own magic like an umbrella to shield herself, Applejack and Rarity, but that left them exposed.
Nightmare Moon spotted the trio and simply mist-shifted over to them. That worried Rainbow, but it appeared as though the Nightmare couldn’t hit them while in that form. So in order to hurt them, Nightmare Moon had to reform her physical body. That gave them a chance, at least.
But an alicorn, even one with weakened magical abilities, was nothing to sneeze at. Nightmare Moon reconstituted herself and lashed out with magical lightning from her horn. Applejack bucked a head-sized bit of rock that intercepted it and was promptly reduced to dust. Better it than them at least, and it did give the three of them a chance to scatter.
Pinkie Pie continued to keep Fluttershy safe by—well, Rainbow wasn’t quite sure. Pinkie poked her head out from over one bit of debris, only to duck back down and reappear someplace else on the far side of the room. As for Applejack, Rainbow dove down and grabbed her, hauling her up and out of the way before another lightning blast would’ve struck her. “Gotcha!”
Applejack yelped and started swearing. “Dagnabbit Rainbow, give a pony a little warning before you go and pull a darn-fool stunt like—WHOA!” She reared back sharply, forcing Rainbow to pull up just before she flew into another bolt. She was so close she could feel the heat warm her feathers. Looking down, she spotted Nightmare Moon’s eyes narrowing into a determined smile as she prepared to fire again. Rainbow Dash tried to maneuver, but she’d lost her momentum and was weighed down by Applejack.
Then Rarity, to Rainbow’s surprise, went out and bucked Nightmare Moon directly in the flank. Nightmare Moon barely registered the attack, but did move a fraction of an inch, causing her shot to go wide and miss them entirely. “Nice going!” Rainbow called out as she dropped Applejack down, the two going the separate ways. Nightmare Moon hesitated, torn between which target to go after. Rarity took the opportunity to make a less than lady-like exit.
With everypony scattered, Nightmare Moon had regained the initiative. She moved around the room in her mist form like a shark circling its prey. Rainbow Dash lost sight of her. On pure instinct, she suddenly ducked down and was rewarded by seeing a magical bolt shoot through the space her head had occupied a fraction of a second earlier. Realizing Nightmare Moon was right behind her, she dashed down to the ground, Nightmare Moon landing almost immediately afterwards.
“Everypony!” Rainbow called out. “We can’t let up on her! Switch it up and keep the pressure on!”
Pinkie Pie responded with an enthusiastic cry of “Spoooon!” and leapt onto Nightmare Moon’s back, pulling painfully at her mane. The Nightmare bucked her off, but Applejack’s timely intervention distracted her from trying to seek revenge on Pinkie. She bucked the Nightmare straight in the ribs. As soon as she swatted Applejack, she was assaulted on her other side by Rarity.
Hooves and wings and magic rained down upon the evil alicorn as she was knocked to and fro. She would no sooner turn from one attacker only to be beset by the rest—and in the thick of everything was Rainbow Dash. She would dart from one side to another, always offering an encouraging shout to one of her friends or a defiant cry against Nightmare Moon.
During the fight, her eyes locked with Nightmare Moon’s. She could briefly see her own reflection in them: an angry, determined pony who wasn’t about to stop. And she knew Nightmare Moon saw it too.
The longer the fight went on, the more closely the six cooperated and worked together, the more they began to shine. They weren't the only thing. The pieces of the Elements of Harmony also began to glow, drawing Rainbow’s attention away briefly.
Nightmare Moon noticed too. “No!” Her eyes widened. “No, no, no!” She swept her wings wide and caught Fluttershy in the chest. Fluttershy was knocked off her feet and sent careening into a wall, dazed by the impact.
“Fluttershy!” Rainbow rushed over to her, soon joined by the others. “Are you okay?” Fluttershy squeezed her eyes shut but nodded. “Great, okay, you rest up here while we—” It was only then she saw that everypony was gathered around them, giving Nightmare Moon time to marshal her strength. “Oh no…”
Nightmare Moon’s eyes shone solid white as she tossed her wings open wide, a shockwave of energy erupting from her that tossed her attackers back. There was a bright flash and everypony found themselves pressed against the wall. “Enough!” she panted, their efforts having clearly taken their toll on her. But it hadn’t been enough.
Black bands emerged from her horn and encircled the ponies. One wrapped itself around Fluttershy’s middle, pinning her wings. Two more attached themselves to Twilight and Rarity’s horns, blocking their magic, before circling down to tie their legs together. Two more hogtied Pinkie Pie and Applejack.
Only Rainbow Dash was left free, but she couldn’t understand why. She breathed heavily, glaring at her enemy. “Let them go!”
Nightmare Moon chuffed. “I warned you, Rainbow Dash. I said I would make you suffer as nopony ever has for defying me.”
“You know, when you said you were going to kill me, I didn’t imagine it’d be by old age.” She narrowed her eyes.
“Make your feeble jokes while you can.” The Nightmare tossed her head dismissively as her magic repaired the damage to her armor and appearance. “They will not avail you here.”
“That’s right, keep on talking me to death.” Dash looked around, trying to see if there was some way out of this that she had missed. Nothing seemed to leap out at her. “You’ve gone this long, why stop now?”
Nightmare Moon’s horn shimmered and the room reassembled itself. Part of the wall fell away, revealing the night sky and the great heights upon which the tower stood. Five long protrusions jutted out from the tower, each of her friends deposited upon one of them. Rainbow Dash jerked up at seeing them tied and bound precariously at the edge, a hair’s length away from falling off. She attempted to fly out and grab them only to find her tail tied and bound to the floor by magic.
“You forgot one of the very first things I told you, you silly little pony.” Nightmare Moon spun around. “I don’t want to do something so crass as kill you. I want to break you. As part of that, we’re going to play a little game … You fancy yourself one of the greatest fliers ever?”
Rainbow Dash extended her wings and arched them up in a threatening fashion. “You let me go and I’ll show you how fast I can knock your teeth out.”
Nightmare Moon bared her teeth. “Let’s put that to the test!” She levitated her friends off their precarious positions and held them out over the abyss. “How many of your friends do you think you’ll be able to save before they hit the ground? Two? Three? Maybe four if you’re extraordinarily lucky? But not all of them.” Her tone was smug. “Your friends called you the loyalest of all. Let’s see what they think now. So who will you choose to save? Who will you choose to sacrifice?”
She laughed and released her hold on Rainbow Dash’s tail just as she let the others drop off the edge. Rainbow let out an anguished cry as they screamed, causing Nightmare Moon to laugh. Even as she flew down after them, Rainbow knew that Nightmare Moon was right: she wasn’t fast enough.
This is beyond badass.
So they don't get an easy win button this time just by making a nice speech. I like it. I get the feeling Rainbow is going to preform her second Sonic Rainboom in the next chapter. She won't let her friends die.
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One of these references was not done consciously. Try to guess which.
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The reference from Superman: "El Kabong" is too specific to be accidental, and "Spooon!" is even more specific.
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*Ding!*
10090506
Ha! I won!
Too bad I didn't win anything. Oh well.
I have not read, and I must squee. Thanks for putting in the effort to go through your own well-composed work and find ways to improve it. I'm definitely queuing this up for a binge. :)
She's getting it.
And so, the fun begins. The Nightmare's time to awaken is about to come.
I mean, when in doubt, just hit the guy with something solid.
Good dodge!
I adore their teamwork.
Classic villain Sadistic Choice.
Ooh, that's pretty sadistic, Black Snootie. A classic move, oldie but a goodie.
This is an improvement over the original version in that here it's clear that they never had a chance of defeating Nightmare moon without the Elements of Harmony. I still think that the fight scene between Rainbow's speech and the use of the Elements themselves is unnecessary but I guess that it's the only way to reach the part with the Sonic Rainboom.
Dash: "What about the Fausticorn - "
Nightmare: "SHUT UP!"
Nightmare: "Mom-damned action economy! This is why I had minions! Where are my lair actions and legendary actions?!"
It’s curious that the magic of the Elements hasn’t been triggered yet. Shouldn’t it have kicked in by now, now that all six of them are gathered and the things are right there on the floor?
Ouch! Why the backhanded compliment, Rainbow? I’d be a little put off if I were Applejack.
Oh, there we go. I guess these are time-release Elements of Harmony?
Owwww. I can’t fault her for fighting dirty when the stakes are this high, but jeeze.
Need a period at the end of this sentence.
Pronking? I actually don’t mind made-up words, especially where Pinkie’s concerned. Just checking to be sure it’s intended.
Ha! I like this a lot.
I’m not sure there’s a good reason for this to be hyphenated, unless “mist-form” is serving as an adjective. I think it would read more naturally as “mist form.”
Marshal, not martial.
Why didn’t she just levitate everybody and slam them against the wall like ragdolls from the outset? 🤔
Until that sonic rainboom next chapter, am I right?
Comparing the last several chapters to the original version of the story. It looks like some things have been shuffled around, the order of events has been changed.
In the original, after Rainbow takes the bullet for her friends, she’s punched *through* the wall, falling outside of the castle somewhere. Not only that, she’s knocked totally unconscious, and it's up to Twilight, Applejack et al. to fight the good fight without her for a little while. There are some wonderful moments that happen here: Zecora eulogizes her, and Fluttershy gets really, really pissed and clocks Nightmare Moon in the face, which is a GREAT moment for her. It was nice to see the others stand up on their own during that brief interlude. And when Rainbow comes to, she has a really great moment with Derpy.
In this version, all that’s been stripped out, and I’m not sure why. There was some great stuff in the old version. Also, without it, the cliffhanger between Chapter 25 and Chapter 26 is severely weakened. Chapter 25 ends with Rainbow taking the bullet, and everything going dark. Then, at the start of Chapter 26—false alarm, Rainbow’s instantly A-OK again. It cheapens the drama when the cliffhanger is revealed to be pointless. Furthermore, that has knock-on effects for the rest of the fight, because you’ve now trained the reader to expect that any dire turn can be instantly reversed with no consequences for the main characters. (Compare the first few seasons of Game of Thrones, when Ned’s death and the Red Wedding hit viewers like a gut punch, to the later seasons, when characters like Arya and Jon had plot armor and could survive anything the writers threw at them. A lot less tension, a lot less suspense.)
Where are Cloud Kicker and Derpy in this version of the story? Rainbow left them down in the throne room when she zoomed off to find the Elements, right? Shouldn’t the two of them have linked up with Twilight and the others? Did they really just go home without any argument?
Where’s Zecora? Did she have a doctor’s pass to get out of this fight? They’re not even using the Elements of Harmony yet; they’re just fighting against Nightmare Moon conventionally. Zecora and her magic could be very helpful here.
Where’s Shining Armor? Why is he still outside, just vaguely “organizing things?” What does that mean? It seems like it’s just a convenient excuse for him not to be here. As captain of the guard, isn’t he charged with protecting Rainbow Dash? Also, why would he be agreeable to letting his little sister face off against Nightmare Moon alone? Shouldn’t he have galloped up the stairs and joined the fray the second he was back on his hooves? It’s framed like Shining Armor and the Misfit Toys are the back-up plan, like if Rainbow and Twilight get killed fighting Nightmare Moon, he’s going to rally the troops and lead them on an attack against the castle. But shouldn’t he be doing that right now? Why’s he twiddling his hooves waiting to see if Rainbow and his sister die or not? Really weird thing for such a proactive character like Shining Armor to be doing, and one whose special talent is protecting others.
The way this rewrite has built things up, it feels like it should be an Avengers Endgame, all-out-war against Nightmare Moon kind of ending, except the original story had the Mane Six facing off against the tyrant by themselves. And because of that, a lot of pieces have been arbitrarily taken off the board. It feels… well, arbitrary. The cavalry’s just sitting outside, ready to swoop in, but they’re not doing that because The Plot Says So. I don’t think the sea ponies and the thestrals and the diamond dogs were sieging the castle in the original version, so there it made a lot more sense for the Mane Six to have to fight alone, because there was no cavalry, and Derpy and Shining Armor were down for the count. So it feels like the rewrite may have unintentionally created a plot hole here.
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Ooh, we're on a roll! Really appreciating it!!!
In no particular order:
Pronking isn't a made up word, it's completely real. It's also called stotting, but pronking fits Pinkie Pie better. Because P-word.
NMM didn't do the wall thing first because she'd been weakened early on in the fight. Even doing it later showed that it took a lot out of her.
Rainbow getting knocked out had to go because, as my editors pointed out, basically 95% of the original story was told via Rainbow's perspective, in the Third Person Limited. It was Dash we were following around, it was her thoughts we were hearing, and no one else's. You can't just suddenly jump from that for 20+ chapters to then having a one-time exception where we see what other characters are thinking and doing when she's not around or involved. It needs to be consistent from start to end. Yes, there are stories that can have the perspective change, but that has to be set up much earlier. You can't go through this much of the story only to do so once here.
Further, if I'm being honest (and this is a big reason why I went back and revisited this story) I lifted a lot from other sources my first time around. Not homaging them, just really lifting them wholesale and tossing them in. The most infamous example was my word-for-word copying of Superman's World of Cardboard speech and giving it to Twilight when she faced down Shining Armor, but that was hardly the only instance. In just that very scene you talked about, for example, Zecora's eulogy? That was poem lifted directly from Doctor Who with the whole "demons run" bit. Fluttershy announcing she was mad? Taken from a moment from Codename: Kids Next Door (albeit not subverted as the moment was there). Then afterwards when Fluttershy apologized for snapping and Applejack hoped she stayed snapped? Taken from Dragon Ball Z Abridged with Gohan and Piccolo. They were tossed in basically because those exchanges sounded cool in their original series and that was basically the start and end of my thinking there.
Even if I was of a mind to rewrite things so that they weren't such blatant ripoffs, it didn't really fit arc-wise. As fun and cool as Fluttershy punching Nightmare Moon in the face was, that doesn't fit with her arc, which was about not trying to emulate Rainbow Dash but to do her own thing. "I am a Man!" punching NMM in the face because she's pissed is really more of a Dash move. When you add in the point about narrative consistency, the scene just didn't have leg to stand on.
As for the point about the non-Mane Six not being involved, hmm, I suppose I could make that a bit more clear. Shining Armor, recall, collapsed after Twilight freed him from NMM's control. He's not going to be up and firing on all cylinders. The ex-Shadowbolts have also been through a lot and Dash didn't want them to be put through more. I could maybe make clear that freeing them was also a bit of a trying experienced for them. For her part, Zecora knows what's required with the Elements of Harmony. Not to mention from a meta-perspective that having over ten characters in the scene would be really, insanely difficult and busy as hell to write. Plus it'd be awkward to throw all of them off the building, have Dash save them all, but only six of them get special glowy powers. Still, I'll think more about that point.
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Dude, who cares? Your editors set really dumb rules for you, and they also don't catch 99% of the stuff in this story that's actually a really huge problem, like the dialogue formatting and the overuse of tags. Not to mention the bajillion typos I've found in the last few chapters alone. No offense to them, but stop listening to what they're telling you, they aren't good editors.
It's your story, do whatever the hell you want. What you're basically telling me right now is that it isn't possible to write a story in third-person limited POV where the main character gets knocked out for a brief spell and still have the action keep going. That's absurd. And why? Because according to somebody (who?), everything has to be told through the main character's eyes and only through the main character's eyes? Man, you've gotta get rid of that notion. That's not an ironclad rule, and it's wrong to be obsessively devoted to upholding it. The writing police aren't gonna bust down your door, I promise you.
The Hobbit is written almost exclusively from Bilbo's POV, but there's a point in Riddles in the Dark where the POV switches to Gollum as he's heading to his hiding place to get the ring so he can kill Bilbo, and we see the events through Gollum's eyes, and we hear his internal narration as he fawns about his "precious." There's a point in the book where the dragon Smaug leaves Lonely Mountain, and Bilbo is nowhere to be seen, and the POV changes to some random dude named Bard and the men of Dale. Tolkien wrote it that way because it was literally the best way to tell the story. Would The Hobbit have been better if the big bad dragon were killed "off screen" because the main character didn't happen to be in the area at the time, and the reader only got to hear about it secondhand later on? No, that would have been totally lame. And man, would the literary world have been worse off if Tolkien fudged it on Gollum, who's probably one of the best antagonists of all time.
Same thing with Harry Potter. The books are third person limited, told from Harry's POV, but I can probably think of a dozen times when they cut away. The first chapter of the first book is told from Vernon Dursley's POV. There are chapters where the story switches POV to Voldemort at the Riddle House, or Cornelius Fudge meeting with the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. There's a chapter where Snape meets with Narcissa and Bellatrix, and he makes an Unbreakable Vow to help Draco kill Dumbledore. Why is it that best-selling authors like Tolkien and Rowling are able to jump heads from time to time, but you don't have permission?
Long story short, don't compromise on stuff that's good for the sake of adhering to some dumb "rule" plucked straight out of a beginner's writer's handbook. Seriously, that's training wheels shit. As soon as you're proficient enough to keep your balance as a writer, you can take off those training wheels and throw out that "rule." Nobody should ever call you out for doing that, and if they do, just tell 'em to fuck off.
As for your influences, who cares? There's no such thing as a new idea. Everything in this world is inspired by something else. Sure, if Zecora's speech was plagiarized directly from some other media, you should ix-nay it — but that doesn't mean you can't come up with something original. As for the stuff with Fluttershy, nobody's gonna associate that to Codename Kids Next Door or Dragonball Z Abridged, so why worry about it? I've seen Dragonball Z Abridged multiple times, and I sure as heck never made a connection there. I also don't think it cuts against Fluttershy's "arc" nearly as much as you think. (Seriously, does Fluttershy even have that much of an arc in this story? If so, it's so understated, I wouldn't even bother worrying about it. It was a really great character moment in a really great scene, and that's a lot more valuable to the story than these overly rigid prescriptions about keeping a consistent character POV.)
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I’ve screwed up my explanation so I’ll try again. The issue is that whatever form of perspective you start writing with (First person vs. third person, limited vs. omniscient) it’s important to maintain that consistently throughout the story as a whole.
Tolkien’s writing is Third Person Omniscient throughout. The perspective can jump from character to character, which works since he has a much larger cast and they’re scattered about pursuing their own various plots and subplots independently of one another. This allows Tolkien to tell us what numerous characters are thinking or feeling. For instance, Gandalf can confront a guard and we’ll know what Gandalf’s thoughts are as well as the guard’s, even if the guard is never seen or heard from again. Even though the character perspective does shift a lot, it is done consistently as per the Third Person Omniscient.
(However, Tolkien is guilty of overindulging. At one point there’s a completely superfluous scene where a fox, of all things, comes across the Hobbits and thinks to himself about how strange it is. It is never brought up again, no other animal ever has a moment like that, and it contributes nothing to the overall story. It makes Tolkien scholars pull their hair out.)
Harry Potter, by contrast is Third Person Limited, which is also my preferred style. There the narrator (and by extension the audience) follows a single character. We’re following Harry around exclusively. We can see his actions, his thoughts, his impressions, what he sees and hears (either directly or indirectly)--But that’s it. He is the nexus of our interactions with his world. There’s no point where the narrator leaves Harry alone because he’s asleep or knocked out and checks in to see what Ron or Hermione or Voldemort or Dumbledore are doing or thinking. If Harry isn’t there, we aren’t there either.
You’re right that each Potter book does have a prologue where there is a scene with other characters—but that is the only place where Harry isn’t present. It’s a consistent feature of each book to start with a scene that helps set up the events of the story, and after that single scene or chapter is done, the story is consistently focused on Harry Potter throughout. There’s no book where 5, 10, or 20 chapters in we suddenly leave Harry alone to see what another character in another place is doing without Harry being involved in some way.
Now, can you change character perspective in a story with Third Person Limited? Sure. But again, there has to be a consistency when you change it around.
For instance, you can regularly alternate the character perspective every chapter or couple of chapters. Like one or two chapters with Rainbow Dash, then one or two with Twilight, then one or two with Applejack, etc. until the cycle repeats. Or I could have interludes spaced throughout the story where we got a different character’s perspective besides Rainbow’s. Like, five chapters with Rainbow Dash as the focus, then a one chapter interlude with Twilight, then another five with Rainbow, then one with Applejack, etc. But there has to be a regularity or rhythm to it.
You can’t go 85% of the story—over 25 chapters into a 30 chapter story—with a single character focus maintained thoroughly throughout and then suddenly change that for one single chapter (hell, not even a whole chapter, just one scene!) before going back again for the story’s remainder. That is totally inconsistent and takes the reader out of the flow of the story. Even if I added in a few others at the end, it’s still a disorienting change to have the story stay consistent that long only to then change it up right at the very tail-end.
If Rainbow is KOed and the perspective taken over by another character for one chapter, what character should it be? Fluttershy? Zecora? Twilight? Then that begs the question of why this one character should get the perspective and not another one. Or maybe I should them all be the perspective character, jumping from Third Person Limited throughout the story to Third Person Omniscient for just this one case, which would also be inconsistent.
The question can also be asked, why only this character(s) and in that place in the story? What about all the other places in the story where I could’ve had a scene or interlude or even a chapter with the focus on this character or that. Consistency is important. That isn’t some dumb rule invented by my editors. There’s a reason you don’t see Harry Potter’s POV being swapped out for anyone else randomly, or see Moby Dick switch perspectives from Ishmael's first-person to a third-person view of some random other guy for one chapter halfway through.
Now, of course, as with all rules of writing: they can be broken…but you need to have a really good reason for it and I don’t think there’s a good enough reason, let alone a really good one for it.
The whole idea that there’s thwarted tension is dubious. In the original, Rainbow was gone for one scene, maybe half a chapter at best before being revealed as alive—not that anyone in the audience really thought she’d be dead or the like. So frankly little is lost there. Most of what we got in that scene was the ReMane 5 engaging in the kind of fight that we got in the new version, except now it’s with Rainbow involved. At the most you can say we got a sense of the ReMane’s 5 resolve to carry on without Rainbow, but that’s not enough to justify the scene’s presence. We've gotten a sense of their mettle throughout the story and by the fact that they came back into the castle after Rainbow when she told them she was going on alone.
As for the specific bits that got mentioned, Zecora’s eulogy (again, stolen wholesale) comes off as a bit of false pathos when Rainbow’s obviously going to live. Ditto for any thoughts from her friends on that score which would basically all be some variant of ‘Rainbow Dash was my friend and she was great and now she’s dead (except not really) and I’m sad and mad now.’ And if I don't do that for all the ReMane 5, then I have to pick and choose and give more focus to some over others, which is also problematic. Plus adding this on top of the bit where the Six compliment each other and identify their respective Elements, it just comes off as heaping too much praise on Rainbow.
Fluttershy punching Nightmare Moon so hard she goes flying might be cool, but it’s also stupid. We have characters much stronger and faster than her that hit Nightmare Moon to much less effect, but Fluttershy can send her flying? Especially when her arc (and this was established throughout) is about being told that she doesn’t need to imitate some other pony (Rainbow) but to be herself? That’s really inconsistent. Not to mention the practicality of having Rainbow get KOed, then get a little salve rubbed on her and then be fit enough to save everypony with a Sonic Rainboom she couldn’t manage when she was completely hale, hearty and rested. Heck, that could even suggest that Rainbow didn't manage the rainboom on her own here but that whatever Zecora used to heal her was the equivalent of taking magic steroids.
TL;DR - changing character perspectives 4/5ths of the way through the story just for one single scene is really inconsistent and not worth doing unless the scene being excised was just -that- amazing and frankly I don’t think it was.