Twilight Sparkle is being sent to Ponyville to learn about friendship. She's not happy about it.
Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
Bloom and Gloom
Dear Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo,
Alright, that's it. I can't take it anymore. I don't get paid overtime for this shit.
You, cripple. Get on your scooter and do tricks until you get your stunt pony cutie mark.
You, wannabe robot, go to the next Equestrian Idol tryouts.
And you, product of farm pony incest. Start working with wood. No, not that kind of wood, the other kind. Carpentry. Build stuff like you're the second coming of Haysus.
Now if that's all, I really must be going. You three have seriously cut into our pornography shoot we had scheduled in Twilight's dreams.
Sincerely,
Luna, who is going to clock out now.
Dear Princess Luna,
I seem to have misplaced my OC. I'm wondering if it may have gotten lost in somepony else's dream. I'd be most appreciative if you can look around for him.
I can offer you my extermination services for Canterlot Castle.
Sincerely,
Dale Gribble
P.S. Twittermites aren't really that bad to deal with.
Celestia help you if you get an infestation of tumblrmites though. Those can be hell to get rid of.
Dear Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo,
Please don't hesitate to let me know if Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon give you any more trouble.
Because according to my cutie mark, I can cut a bitch now.
Sincerely,
Babs
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Just what I needed to liven up my day. Another fantastic Letter from a Disgruntled Friendship Student.
Great work!
Is it weird that, other than the insults, I could easily imagine canon Luna trying to pull something like this?
OK that was abit mean for Luna to say, besides that its the only thing I hated but the rest was good.
Me gusta
5879243 Luna, not Apple Bloom.
5879261 hard to tell the way he writes this is weird.
let me first say I got this joke, but tumblermites brings to mind burrowing beetles that cause earthquakes and sound like they would be harder to get read of
I AM GIGGLING SO HARD RIGHT NOW MY GOD. Luna basically just put my thoughts into words, and it's beautiful.
HAHAAAAAAAA. God, I really love these letters...
5879264 The letter is prefaced with 'Dear Apple Bloom...' and ends with:
'Sincerely,
Luna, who is going to clock out now.' How is it confusing?
5879264
Granted, I initially thought Twilight was speaking. So it's not as clear as it could be, but:
The letter started with:
It is safe to exclude these three from the list of potential speakers.
The letter ended with:
Which will tell you exactly who was speaking.
Babs: "Cuz when Cuz need a bitch cut, this bitch will cut a bitch!"
Win.
Luna says what we've all been thinking since Season 1.
The next day, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon "mysteriously" disappeared. They never found the bodies.
Go Babs.
Hey, Cutie Mark Crusaders,
I may have been unconscious for the past week, but even I have heard about Babs. What I heard, though, was that her marefriend helped her get it and now they have matching cutie marks.
Signed Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle's very confused and groggy but still very loyal slave,
Neko Majin C.
~KBO.
weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/its-dangerous-to-go-alone-shark.jpg
Why not just do it in real life? You're princesses; you can do whatever, or whoever, you like.
Looks like that Rarity/Babs Friends Forever comic was prophetic...
5879924 PR.
I'm guessing Bab's cutie mark is a switch-blade, and she'll soon be offering her services to the Princesses as a 'troubleshooter' and 'Hoofdini'.
5880344
In the show they said it was a pair of scissors. And they mentioned mane/tail styling.
Dear Ponyville-Branch Crusaders,
Scratch that last letter. I gotta find out who killed my dad.
Yours,
Babs
P.S. Sweetie, does your sister know anything about outfits that suck blood?
POCKET SAND!!
That's exactly what I thought when I heard that. She's in Manehatten and her cutie mark is cutting things.
She must use those scissors to slit drug dealers throats.
Babs got her cutie mark in lesbian orgies! The CMC only thought she meant 'scissors' like the kind that cut paper.
5885029 I agree with this. There was a picture on the letter but we know what she really meant.
"Cut a bitch", huh? Well, it beats the "scissoring" one I stumbled on earlier today
That was clearly not Dale Gribble's OC, as Dale most certainly does not watch the show.
It clearly belonged to Rusty Shackleford.
I think I just joined the Luna Fan Club.
5891725 I have been part of the club for years. It's always good getting new members.
God I hate those things.
I hope she does.
5879382 maybe its cus I have a hard time seeing, don't know but I guess this fic isn't in canon type of story.
and
5890701
oh dear Luna no
Please do