Twilight Sparkle is being sent to Ponyville to learn about friendship. She's not happy about it.
Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
Suited For Success
Dear Princess Celestia,
Since you're forcing me and my friends to attend this stupid Canterlot party, I figured I might as well try my best to get laid while I'm there. To accomplish that, I have to get this slutty dress fixed up. Yeah, I know, it's weird. We're naked 90% of the time, and we get dressed for parties. What is this place, a nudist colony?
Rarity took one look at my dress and scoffed. She told me if I really wanted to get railed at the Gala that I'd have to go all out. So she offered to make me a new outfit, something that says 'I'm here. Screw me.' I was of course excited by this. She also decided she'd try and get the others laid, so she set out to make us all sexy outfits.
So after a few days of singing while she worked, she calls us all back to see the fruits of her labor. In terms of fruits, they were pretty rotten. I mean, yes, they were very formal, but hardly slutty enough. The other attendees had to know we were desperate to get some. Luckily, the other four felt the same way, so we threatened to slander her boutique unless she remade them. Fearing for her career, she did so, to our exact specifications, although I'm really not sure of Rainbow's 'cool' scale.
However, our plan kind of backfired. I've spent so long here in Ponyville, that I've forgotten what attractive is all about. Even the simpletons here scoffed at our dresses. So even though we promised not to, we ended up ruining Rarity's career. We managed to catnap Rarity's pet to trick her out of her room to show her the dress we put together, so she could get herself one hell of a night before searching for a new job. Since we finally knew what would get us one night stands at the gala, we convinced Hoity Toity, the fashion tycoon, another fashion show at the boutique. He was so smitten with these dresses, that he asked Rarity to supply his brothel in Canterlot with seven of each dress.
Yep, we're gettin' some come Gala time.
Your desperate, horny former student,
Twilight Sparkle
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I don't want to sound like a dick, and I especially don't want to make someone feel even slightly disgruntled if they didn't deserve it. But since your not one of those people, I will say with confidence this chapter dudded worse than a critical missile in a dogfight. At least then one would get the relief of death.
(Oh god I sound like an ass, hope you can forgive me for this crude joke at your expense. ) But yes, the chapter did dud for me.
Wow...that was almost a...positive letter
I love it when Twilight sends a letter as a desperate, horny, sex driven, maniac.
>horny
I see what you did there
:D
893019
To be fair, this was a tough one.
But Twilight's a Unicorn. She's ALWAYS horny! (hurr hurr hurr dumb joke)
893019
You aren't real good at critique, are you? It's cool, most people aren't.
Personally, I kinda liked it.
Oh Twilight the universe just loves proving you wrong doesn't it?
Dear Twilight Sparkle:
You're a Unicorn. You're always horny
And for that matter, so are your brother and foalsitter
Your equally "horny" former teacher, Princess Celestia.
P.S.: I saw those dresses. I'd say you can't fail
Too damn funny
makes me horny
1800288 i see what you did there
1800288
I would say Celestia is about twice as horny. I mean look at that thing, it's massive.
Since pony dresses are similar to capes, she won't even have to take it off. Perfect, Rares.
Because that's all anyone needs.
A good lay.
~Skeeter The Lurker
And so begins the mane 6's quest to get laid
Everything leads to sex....everything
3909457
Sex and/or death. But hey, that's life.
Poor Twiliy, she seems so lonely. If only I could reach through dimensions and give her a hug. I would leave this cesspool of a planet in heartbeat.
KBO.
Just how often is Twilight horny? Can't she just bend over for Big Mac when she needs it?
3563246
How? Didn't it make you go blind?