Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
The Return of Harmony, Part 1
Dear Princess Celestia,
You haven't gotten a letter from me in a while because I've been seething from what you did to us at the Gala. I spent the next two days doing nothing but sitting in the bathroom, you tyrant! How the hell do you stay in power? You're all nice and gentle on the outside, but I know your true colors. If that letter of yours hadn't self-burned after I finished reading it, I'd have the proof I need to show Equestria who you really are. Leaving your school was the best thing I ever did. So why do I keep writing these damn letters?
To prove, week after week, that I do not need you or your lessons. And really, you wanted revenge on me for all those letters? You know what the cause of those letters was? You sent me down here in the first place! I also love how you acted all nice in the ice cream shop as we were eating those laxative-strewn sundaes, you bitch. It was so touching how you claimed you knew we'd 'liven things up a bit'. You pulled it off beautifully, because none of my stupid friends are seeing through this charade!
And DON'T tell me that I just imagined that Gala letter of yours just because I tried some acid from Pinkie ONE TIME. Don't you dare do it. I know what happened! Do you honestly expect me to believe that disaster of a Gala was just some string of hilariously unfortunate events? That the hours upon hours of sitting on the toilet wasn't because of 'laxative', but because of Pony Joe's 'lax quality control issues'? Just because I asked Pinkie for something extra because I really wanted to enjoy myself doesn't mean you didn't purposefully make us all miserable. Yes, one of the side-effects was extreme hallucination, but nowhere on that bottle did it say taking things WAY out of context and getting imaginary letters were side effects too.
So that means STOP sending me letters suggesting that Pinkie and I get help. Just stop!
That's okay, though. If you can keep this namby-pamby pony princess gig up, then I can keep this 'friendship student' thing going too. But first, I want to have a little fun. You could call it retribution for what you did to us at the Gala. And I can do self-burning letter spells too, so good luck proving I was behind this.
Because the thing is, Celestia, my disposition aside, I was your brightest pupil, your 'most faithful student', at one point. So you of all ponies know I can do my research. I know who ruled Equestria before you and Luna. He seems like such an upbeat guy who knows how to be delightfully random. So if you kept him in the castle garden in stone form just because you believe in 'keeping your friends close and enemies closer', I'm gonna make you regret that. If Harmony turned him to stone, then chaos should soften him up a bit. Turns out I have three separate ingredients that, when combined, become one of the most glorious forms of chaos ever known to ponykind.
I call them Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo.
Miss Cheerilee seemed so enthused by my suggestion of a field trip to the Canterlot Gardens. So much history could be learned there. History could also be made there. Let's see if my theory proves true.
Success! Not even two hours after the field trip ended, I saw approaching pink clouds, which began to rain chocolate milk down on Sweet Apple Acres. That's gotta be better for the soil and crops than water, right? I mean, it made Applejack's corn pop faster than anything I've ever seen before. It's also good for the animals! It accelerated their leg growth! And Rainbow mentioned soda showers over Cloudsdale. So far, so good!
But of course, here comes the distressed Princess Celestia asking for our help. Clearly, my friends still believed that you had nothing to do with our misfortunes at the Gala, because they were ready to help. Well, except Pinkie. She was perfectly willing to live with chocolate showers from now on. But apparently Applejack doesn't like her crops harvesting by themselves, or her apples growing to be about as big as her older brother's nuts. Of course Fluttershy wants to return the animals to their helpless short-legged forms so her life can have meaning again. Rainbow doesn't want the clouds to have minds of their own, because then she's out of a job. Rarity doesn't want to wear that hideous rain gear forever now, does she? Seems Pinkie and I are the only ones that can live in chaos.
So after this Discord guy did his monologue for a few, we all set off to find the Elements of Harmony in the castle labyrinth. I figured this was the perfect way to keep things as they are, because my friends can't find their way out a paper bag. Then the chaos master himself shows up, and decides to toy with us by taking away our horns and wings, and in the case of Pinkie and Applejack...um...uh...
Yeah, have to get back to you on that.
After he explained the rules, Disccord vanished. I figured he had trouble to brew somewhere out in space. I mean, there's gotta be someone out there he can annoy, right? So we set hoof into the maze, and got immediately separated. Turns out Discord didn't go anywhere. His plan had been set in motion. I knew he would make my friends' lives better. Applejack can now tell really convincing lies. Rarity is now considering the beauty of things that aren't so fucking shiny and glittery all the time. Pinkie doesn't tolerate laughing at her addiction to drugs and partying. Fluttershy is standing up for herself and talking back now. And Rainbow...
...well, come to think of it, Rainbow's still a cheating bitch who cares only about herself. Don't know what went wrong there.
This is going to be a beautiful, new Equestria. I call it Equestria 3: Revenge of Chaos. Wait, no, that sounds too dark. Return of Chaos, yeah, that's better.
Your former student,
Twilight Sparkle
Over 1,000 words?
This is going to be good...
27 chapters and still awesome! Keep up the good work!
It makes so much sense now.
Fun times with Chaos!
twilight.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/134621789763.gif
Lolworthy!
I was wondering how you were going to do this. I love it!
Twilight, you wonderful bitch.
Let the Chaos flow through you.
Nice Revenge/Return of the Jedi reference
Good show, Twilight, good show.
One thousand comments!
Hah! This is a giant fuck you to Trollestia!
I love it! It's priceless.
I especially can't wait till the episode with Iron Will. That's going to be epic.
Just as planned...
Or as they're known in Scripture, the Three Fillies of the Apocalypse.
And that's how Equestria was unmade!
1308146
At the risk of repeating my comment from the previous "Friendship" Report:
t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTD52YZl1xoekqC64PAtoK-kIBwc6vC6NGDD4Qm8jdCaGv4KC7Hzg
Discorded Twilight must be Canon Twilight then.
<(Yes Twilight, let the butthurt flow through you!
THIS.IS.THE.STORY.EVER.
and i smile to you sir also shouldnt take pinkies drugs...its just a bad idea...
May chaos be with you.
1308247 Disclaimer: Author assumes no responsibility for uncontrollable fits of laughter, passing out, urinating oneself, having a more cynical view of the world, or gluing a purple horn to your forehead and acting like a bitch.
Give em hell Twilight.LOL!
Well that was quick, just couldn't stay away from this series could you?
1308330 Shut up! I can quit anytime I want!!!
*continues writing*
This series has just been turned to 11.
Like I said...Battle of the Trolls. Trollight vs. Trollestia. I wonder when Luna(troll) is going to step in?
1308085 Trollight Sparkle Rides Again! :D
this chapter....
[img] http://denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw484_1302296223924.jpg [/img]
1308422 What he said.
Was that a Star Wars reference at the end?
What you did there. With Twilight saying Discord went into space to bother someone else. I see it. Bust out laughing while waiting for class to start. You've read this before, but I'm going to remind you, you are a magnificent bastard and this story is awesome.
1308390 Do you mean Trolluna?
As soon as I read the part about Celestia's letter burning, I immediately went back a chapter to see if you did the most awesome thing ever. Nope, it's still there.
Oh god... can't stop laughing... Brilliantly done, wonder how its gunna be mucked up in the next chapter...
"After he explained the rules, Disccord vanished. I figured he had trouble to brew somewhere out in space. I mean, there's gotta be someone out there he can annoy, right?"
Clearly, she was already way too awesome to need any changes from Discord.
I fully predict that the very first thing discorded Twilight does is write an "Oh god, what have I done?" apology letter to the princess.
1308390
Obviously when she sneaks into Celestia's study and sets fire to a pile of reports from her sister's faithful student.
1308269
No responsibility eh? Could you at least get me some industrial glue solvent? Crazy glue is some strong shit
1308186
i1047.photobucket.com/albums/b476/robitusson2/Good-good-let-the-butthurt-flow-through-you-1.jpg
LOL
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/225/378/sweetie%20belle%20that%20is%20beautiful.jpg
So you decided to continue after all. Though I'm confused how all those letters that Celestia sent back is going to help Twilight with the way she is right now.
We didn't miss an Equestria somewhere in there. Well, we did, but it wasn't worth it. It was called....
Equestria 2: The Quickening
1309457 The first rule about Equestria 2 is *prepares Royal Canterlock Voice* THAT WE NEVER TALK ABOUT EQUESTRIA 2!
Anyway, this was hilarious.
I think your story is fairly hilarious. Sometimes they miss the target. But the good ones are worth going through a few groaners. I have a love-hate relationship with this Twilight. But she's still funny and unlike canon Twilight, she's likable because of how despicable she is. Seriously, I want to pat her on the horn for a job well done and then slap her across the face for being stuck up bitch.
But I really do like the witty and face paced humor the story has, and each chapter has at least one good chuckle. The thing I think I like the most about this series is that you've turned Twilight, unintentionally or otherwise, into how a jerk from our world would probably react if they ended up in Equestria. So I'll say I hope you enjoy writing as much as I enjoy reading it and I hope you'll continue to write chapters.
One final note, your story has been featured on Tv Tropes. Link - http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Fanfic/LettersFromADisgruntledFriendshipStudent
oh god
...one can just wonder whats gonna happen on Lesson Zero...
Another gem in this one. You managed to top Celly's letter in my opinion.
Here have one of these:
i16.photobucket.com/albums/b15/ultra1437/Memes/spidermangivesfuck-1.jpg
All of my feels. Mostly my lols.
1309457 We don't even speak about not speaking about what you just nearly spoke of!
And no, we didn't miss one. Remember the "Call of the Cutie" letter, when Twilight decided that Pinkie's story (And that's how Equestria was made") meant that they were living in Equestria 2: The Revenge?
Gonna be honest...next letter, probably be pretty funny, especially if we get a bit of Discorded McBitchypants. But the two after it...ha. Haha. Mwahahaha.
Rejected Star Wars title at the end= Didn't know anypony else knew about it but me.
Nice Q reference.
WOW.
That, was hilarious.
No more need be said.