Eyes [Investigate the stare] 42%
"I think it best to investigate the pocket in the eyes. I'd like to know if my stare has any unintended consequences." Fluttershy reasoned, the doctor nodded in agreement and walked over to the scanner that was mounted over the last bed in the med-bay. The machine buzzed to life as Chakwas pushed a couple of buttons on its control panel. Fluttershy didn't need the doctor to instruct her to know she was supposed to get onto the bed below the scanner.
"Now sit still for a moment," the doctor commanded, Fluttershy complied and sat as still as she could while the machine whirred and took a more thorough scan than the previous one had been. The data from the scan streamed to Doctor Chakwas' console where the computer started to decompile the data and turn it into something useful. "Fluttershy, we need a reading of you actively using the stare. Can you activate it now?" Chakwas asked as she set the machine to actively scan instead of making a single snapshot.
"Of course, doctor. Could you please look in the opposite direction?" Fluttershy answered, Chakwas immediately turned around while Fluttershy prepared herself to use the stare. The pegasus sighed deeply and closed her eyes.
Come on Fluttershy, it's just the stare and it's aimed at no-one. You can do this.
She opened her eyes again and projected the full force of the stare at the wall in front of her. The moment Fluttershy started using the stare the hair on doctor Chakwas' body stood on end as her instincts were screaming at her to run. A shiver ran down the doctor's spine as she realized that she was only feeling the residual side effect of the stare, The effect would only have been worse if she had been facing the pegasus instead of looking in a different direction.
As sudden as the feeling had started, so sudden it also disappeared. "Are you okay, doctor?" Fluttershy asked, a little bit of fear in her voice as she was afraid that she might have harmed the doctor in any way.
"I-I'm okay Fluttershy, though I must admit that was a bit more intense than I had been expecting," Chakwas answered as she let out a breath she had been holding. "Now Fluttershy, the next part is something neither of us is going to like."
Fluttershy felt herself become very uncomfortable as she had an idea of what the doctor meant, "You're not suggesting that..."
"To figure out what happens to someone brain when they are exposed to the stare-"
"No." The statement was as resolute as the pegasus could make it. "I'm not using the stare on you just to figure out if there are any unintended consequences to using it."
"It's the only way to figure out if you do more harm than intend with it in a controlled situation," Doctor Chakwas said, "I'm not asking you to hit me with the full force, just a small portion of the stare. To be frank, I don't really want to get hit by what you just projected."
Fluttershy grimaced as the doctor recalibrated the machine and took the pegasus' place below the scanner. "I'm still not convinced that this is a good idea, doctor."
"It's not, but it's the only one that'll give me the readings I want," Chakwas answered, the scanner buzzing to life again. Fluttershy swallowed and hovered up to face the doctor, closing her eyes again only when she opened them this time there wasn't a massive amount of energy that saturated the air. Not that this mattered to the doctor as even with the reduced power of the stare she still had to fight all her instincts screaming at her to run. This lasted for a couple of seconds and then it was gone again, Chakwas panting as she got control of her body again. "Let's never do that again."
"That's something I can agree to, doctor," Fluttershy said as she supported the doctor, who shakily stood on her legs, and helped her get to her chair at her desk.
"This will take a bit of time to process, I'll tell you when it's done," Chakwas said as a bar was slowly filling itself up. Fluttershy sighed as she moved back to the med bay's storage were her usual sleeping spot was and flopped down on the mattress they had put down there. Using the stare took quite a lot out of the pegasus, this usually wasn't a problem with the animals as she just used a sliver of the stare's full power. The pegasus closed her eyes intent of taking a small nap but almost immediately got woken by the intercom coming alive.
"Fluttershy, report to the captain's quarters," Joker's voice came out of a speaker in the ceiling. The message short but enough for Fluttershy to lose any shred of tiredness she had been feeling before and replacing it with anxiety. Slowly getting up from the mattress and making her way out of the medbay for the first time in a day and crossing the short distance to the captain's quarters. She stopped in front of the door for a moment, her heart beating furiously as she looked at the passageway. After gathering the courage to enter she pushed through the automatically opening doors, the commander sitting at a round table.
"Have a seat," he said as he pointed at the other side of the table, the pegasus nervously taking a seat across from the commander. Shepard sighed as he began speaking, "I think we both know why you're here right now and I'm sure you regret it dearly." Fluttershy slowly nodded as she looked Shepard in the eyes, if she still had long hair this would probably have been one of the times she had used it to hide behind.
"We both made mistakes, yours a bit worse than mine but mistakes none the less," the commander continued, "when I told you not to use biotics I shouldn't have made a joke of it, that was a mistake on my part but you should have known better than to try biotics within a spaceship without having complete control of it." Fluttershy remained completely silent as the commander said his piece. "I consider every crewmember on this ship as a member of my family, I will do anything to make sure they're as safe as they can be. That includes protecting them from themselves, do you understand?" He said, Fluttershy clearly understanding what he meant by 'protecting them from themselves' meant.
"Yes, sir," She responded.
"Good. Now I've been treating all the non-alliance crew with a lot more leniency than the rest of the crew but that's because I expect them to use that extra freedom responsibly, I expect this double from you from now on. You're free to roam the ship again but I'm going to suggest you go apologize to both Tali and Joker. Tali was quite angry with you after she had to drag you to the medbay and you put a dent into Joker's spaceship," Shepard told the pegasus who grimaced again. "To be fair, I've got no idea which of the two you should be more scared of," he smirked.
"Will do, Commander. Anything else?" Fluttershy asked as she stood up and was ready to leave.
"Yeah, when's the wedding between you and Garrus going to be? You two looked absolutely adorable cuddled up together," Shepard said with a devious grin, Fluttershy's face turning beet red.
"I-I'm... We're not..." Fluttershy couldn't find any words to reply to the commander who broke out into laughter.
"You're free to go, Fluttershy." He managed to say through his laughs, Fluttershy awkwardly nodded and swiftly left the office.
I guess I should go apologize to some people,
1. Go to Tali
2. Go to Joker
3. Check up on the scan's results
I hope she get to apologize to Joker as I just want to see them together. Honestly, of all people, Fluttershy is one of the few who understands (at least more then most) what it's like to have everyone assume your too fragile to be doing what you do, yet doing it anyways.
The joke about the wedding, that was funny.
Okay, this was a nice change of pace. Punctuation actually wasn't the main issue this time. In fact, there was only one punctuation error in the entire chapter. Your problem this time seems to be with words. Either using them where they don't belong or forgetting them where they do:
it's not a computer program, it's raw data. You don't decompile that, you process it.
It isn't tho. It's neither residual, nor is it a side effect. use 'the effect of the stare's proximity' instead.
more harm than you intend
gone again. Chakwas was panting
intent on
The message was short
So you're looking for an editor, are you? If I recall correctly, I've already made the offer.
It was not a bad story. But if the author detected vote tampering and decided to allow the vote anyway.
Well I don't feel like continuing when I combine that with "Romance Garrus".
This Shepherd is a real troll.
Sure, if you're still looking? I can at least be a pre-reader. I can do full service editing, I just don't want to promise to always have time.
On rereading the story, I agree that the defying orders chapter was out of place, but I also think it was necessary. It shows to the readers that your playing fair, that you won't worm your way out of a bad vote and that the results can be very bad.
Now, if you can make her defying orders a plot point much later in the story as the early sign of something going on in the background...
9857248 It's hardly playing fair if you let cheaters rig the vote. Will agree on the second point though could have taken the context of the vote rigging into consideration as to why she decided something so out of character. Like finding out the biotic amp was tampered with by allies of Benezia or the reapers were trying to indoctrinate her early somehow.
*Someone's.
I really think you overplayed Fluttershy's response to the order about damaging the ship. She doesn't KNOW what a vacuum is! As far as she knew, there would be no other consequences to "breaking" the ship than the obvious that it shouldn't be done. Her reaction to being told it was dangerous and poeple could have died, should have been, a bland, curious, and innocent, "Why?"
Would you expect a person with a sixth-grade education to understand that danger, when they have never been exposed to the very concept of a vacuum?
Joker, than Tali because after Joker give her a tongue lashing she could fall into Talis arms ~♡
I wonder if they can watch the video
'Fleet and Flotilla'?
9615141
Nice idea but to be fair. Fluttershy is treated fragil and Joker is literally fragil. The combination might be a volatile combination.
9615145
They should include Tali. Flutter and Tali double team Garrus
9616091
Only if we herd Tali and Garrus? I agree
Three dextro for maximal romance fun
9651812
We need to troll back! Who is Shepards future mate?
Nothing is worse than singel Shepard!
9857248
Nice...
10009978
Or simply incompatible AMP installment do to unique Quadrapet nature... Than again we have one race that is quadrapet...
10759638
Yes, a fitting logic BUT you know that some Pegasus at some point must have tried flying to the Moon with winter gear...
To bad Fluttershy isn't mire cheeky as in:
"No need to be jealous Commander Shepard, i can add you to my herd later on ~♡"