“...so all of you are a family now,” Princess Luna said to all of the foals gathered around Noctilucent, Quirky, and Holly. “Are there any questions about what we have talked about or what Noctilucent did?”
“You were very brave to tell us,” Cactus Blossom said as she wrapped one foreleg around Noctilucent’s foreleg and gave it a squeeze.
“Do you feel better now?” Sassy asked.
“Yes, do you feel better now?” Graves repeated, the little donkey looking curiously at Noctilucent as he spoke, his long ears drooping down beside his face.
Sniffling, Candy Corn said nothing and wiped her snotty nose on Cactus Blossom, who let out a disgusted cry. Cactus Blossom squirmed and tried to get away from Candy Corn, but it was no use, so the foal resigned herself to being used as a tissue.
“So the bad pony that hurt you was you,” Arroyo murmured slowly as his brain slowly wrapped around the knowledge that Noctilucent had tried to kill himself. The pink colt heaved a weary sigh and shook his head. “Don’t do that again.”
“I don’t think he will,” Quirky whispered in a voice that sounded close to tears, raspy, low, and hitching slightly. “But Noctilucent needs all of us. He looks after you, but all of you need to look after him. He hurts inside, just like all of you do. We understand each other’s pain I think… so we have an obligation to help one another.”
“All of you are taking this much better than I believed that you would,” Princess Luna said as she looked down at the faces of all of the little foals around Noctilucent.
“I told you this bunch is exceptionally resilient,” Lethe remarked as she adjusted her glasses. “All of them has been touched by suicide or tragedy in some way. Each have been made stronger for their experience.”
Pulling Arroyo close, Holly stooped down and kissed him on top of his head, behind his horn, and in between his ears. The foal attempted to wiggle free, but Holly just squeezed tighter and refused to let go. “You’re mine now,” she whispered.
Hearing Holly’s words, Arroyo went still and looked thoughtful.
“Noctilucent, when you get a chance, I would like to speak with you privately,” Princess Luna said in a soft voice. “It is not a pressing need though. Spend some time with them and recover from this ordeal.”
Seated at the kitchen table, Princess Luna looked first at Doctor Lethe and then at Noctilucent. She smiled a soft smile, her features warm and friendly, and she felt a prickle of concern for Noctilucent, who seemed nervous.
“There is nothing to fear Noctilucent,” Princess Luna said in a reassuring voice. “You took some big steps… you dealt with Merriweather and you confessed what you did to the foals you now care for. You are doing well in school. It is time for you to know something.”
His ears splaying out sideways, Noctilucent smiled and began to look a little more confident. He lifted his head higher and his flat square teeth became visible as his smile grew into a wide grin.
“It is good to see you happy,” Doctor Lethe remarked as she looked at the happy stallion sitting at the table beside her.
Thinking about her words carefully, Princess Luna looked Noctilucent in the eye. “I feel that it is only fair to tell you… about your geas…”
“Yes?” Noctilucent replied, looking hopeful.
“Your geas… only existed for a short time after I rescued you to prevent future suicide attempts and to keep you from doing anything foolish in the hospital. It actually wore off in the hospital. After that, everything you did, you did of your own free will. You chose to live. You chose to do everything that Holly asked of you. You chose to be a devoted and dutiful caretaker. There was nothing compelling you to do anything. You have been free this entire time, and everything you have done has been by your own choosing,” Princess Luna explained. She reached across the table and patted Noctilucent’s hoof with her own and smiled a loving smile at the dappled pegasus.
“Oh…” Noctilucent gasped as he began to realise the power of suggestion.
“So you wanted to live. You wanted to get better. Everything you have done, it is something that you wanted to do. All of this was you. You made this happen. Your own desires made this possible,” Princess Luna said as she continued to give Noctilucent’s hoof a gentle patting, trying to ease the stallion through the moment of stunning revelation.
“Noctilucent, there was nothing stopping you from leaving this orphanage. You could have walked away at any time. You stayed because you wanted to get better-”
“I stayed because I found something worth living for,” Noctilucent interrupted, looking apologetically at Doctor Lethe as he spoke. “Thank you for telling me Princess Luna… I don’t know what else to say and I’m actually very happy that you did all of this for me.”
“You are getting better… Princess Luna and I both felt that after you finally told the foals why you were really here that you should know the truth,” Doctor Lethe said in a kindly voice.
“What about my cutie mark?” Noctilucent inquired.
Smiling an almost teasing smile, Princess Luna’s eyes twinkled. “That would be telling… I am sorry, but I cannot tell you that just yet. Suffice to say, things aren’t always what they seem. When your candles have flames again, I give you my promise that I will explain in detail what was done to your cutie mark.”
“That seems fair,” Noctilucent replied as he looked down at Princess Luna’s hoof, which was touching his own. “I feel better knowing that everything I did… I did it because I wanted to do it,” he admitted as he stared down at Luna’s silver shod hoof.
Mindful of his injured wing, Quirky pulled Noctilucent closer, her lips trailing up his cheek and along the edge of his ear, moving, creeping along in little nibbly movements. “You did good… you seem happier.”
“Speaking with Merriweather removed a dark shadow from my mind,” Noctilucent confessed as he wrapped a foreleg around Quirky’s neck and began rubbing his long neck against hers.
“Seeing you with the foals today… you were so brave and honest,” Quirky whispered, breathing into Noctilucent’s ear, making it quiver and twitch. Unable to resist, Quirky nipped Noctilucent’s ear with her teeth, making the stallion jump in her embrace. She held his ear, refusing to let go, and let out a seductive growl.
Feeling Quirky squirming against him in the bed, Noctilucent let slip a nervous giggle as his ear was tugged upon. He felt her tail swish up against his hind legs. He ran his foreleg down her sides, feeling her sleek coat and the muscles quivering over her ribs. Reversing his stroke, he ran his foreleg upwards until he was rubbing along her neck, and then he gave her a needy squeeze.
Unclamping her teeth from Noctilucent’s ear, Quirky moved her head to press her nose into the soft flesh under Noctilucent’s jaw. “Shortbread Cookie and Pyrocumulus will need to be fed soon.”
“This is nice… just this… this moment together,” Noctilucent admitted.
Planting a little kiss and then pulling away, Quirky nodded. “Yes it is,” she whispered. “It’s been a long day darling… get some sleep.”
The hospital was now a soothing place, still full of ghosts, of memories, but these did not bother Noctilucent now. He prowled the halls, moving around, looking for the other parts of himself, hoping to find them, glad to have a chance to speak with them.
The ghosts, the memories, all of them seemed so much more solid since the last time he had seen them. They were practically solid now. He was making peace with these memories a little bit at a time, and he supposed that how he viewed them in his dream reflected upon his mental state.
Soft music was playing in the background, bland meaningless music that was common to hospitals. There were murals on the walls now… splashes of much needed colour. The world did not look so pale grey and sterile hospital green. The lighting had changed as well, the overhead lights now produced a soft warm yellow light instead of the cold glow he remembered.
There was now a receptionist at the nurses station desk and she chatted warmly with the memories as they passed, but she paid no mind to Noctilucent as he went by.
And then, he saw them. Shadow Noctilucent and She Noctilucent.
“Hello, both of you,” Noctilucent greeted. He looked around and realised something was missing. “Where is Little Me?”
She Noctilucent looked sad, but only for a moment, and then she offered Noctilucent a bittersweet smile. “Little Me is gone… he vanished while you bared your soul today and told the foals your dark secret. He said goodbye and then he was gone.”
“Where did he go?” Noctilucent asked.
Stepping closer, Shadow Noctilucent rapped Noctilucent upon the head, which produced a hollow sounding -conk- noise. “Up here, where he belongs. Eventually, both of us will go as well as you heal.”
“So I’m getting better?” Noctilucent inquired of himself.
She Noctilucent nodded.
Grinning, Shadow Noctilucent gave Noctilucent a prod. “The three of us have something we have to do. Come with me.”
“Where are we going?” Noctilucent asked.
“Out,” Shadow Noctilucent responded.
Stepping away from the two stallions, She Noctilucent moved near a door that shifted and warped as she approached. The door changed to a lovely sky blue colour as she drew close. She opened the door and a night sky full of stars lay beyond.
“Get moving,” Shadow Noctilucent said as he gave Noctilucent a not so gentle shove towards the door.
It felt good to fly again. Soaring through the night, Noctilucent looked down at Equestria below him and up at the stars up above him. The night air was cool, soothing, it caused him to shiver and tingle as he slipped through the chilly air, his wings only flapping occasionally as he glided on unseen currents.
“He’s out here, disrupting the sacred night,” Shadow Noctilucent said as the trio flew together.
“Who?” Noctilucent asked.
“The part of you that broke away. He slips from dream to dream, scaring foals. Princess Luna and her lunar pegasi hunt him, but they have no chance of stopping him," She Noctilucent replied as she glanced over at Noctilucent, who flew between her and Shadow Noctilucent.
Canterlot twinkled below, the entire city was ablaze with lights that pierced the night. Noctilucent began to feel afraid as he started to realise where they might be headed.
“Eventually, you are going to have to fight him,” Shadow Noctilucent stated in a determined voice. “You have to take responsibility for yourself.”
“I understand,” Noctilucent responded. He rolled, banked, and then leveled out, glad to be flying again, even if it was only a dream.
Shadow Noctilucent dived, suddenly breaking away, and Noctilucent was compelled to follow him. She Noctilucent dipped, her wings folding in for a moment, and then she leveled out.
It was the cliff… the place where all of this started.
Flapping his wings to slow down, Shadow Noctilucent prepared to land. Noctilucent followed Shadow Noctilucent’s lead, and She Noctilucent went streaking off to fly over the edge of the cliff.
Coming to a skidding halt next to Shadow Noctilucent, Noctilucent saw the place where he broke his own wing. He felt pain, real pain, and his breath caught in his throat.
Beside him, She Noctilucent came in for a landing.
“This is the transition point. You’ve done the hard part… you know the truth. The geas was a load of horseapples and I’ve known this all along. You became aware of it when you walked to the library,” Shadow Noctilucent said in a raspy growl. “No more excuses. You owe those foals and those who love you all of you and all of your strength as a pegasus. You owe it to yourself. Do you remember the dream? The tornado? Cactus Blossom?”
“I can’t forget,” Noctilucent answered in a fearful voice as he looked at his shadow aspect. He remembered everything about that nightmare, including the pain. He could feel it now, something impaling his side, a sharp stabbing pain that sent waves of agony through his barrel.
“Before all of this is over, your strength as a pegasus will be tested. Are you prepared to soar?” Shadow Noctilucent questioned. “You’ve seen how this ends already.”
“I don’t understand,” Noctilucent whispered fearfully.
“You will,” Shadow Noctilucent said as he turned and then kicked Noctilucent over the cliff. “Fly damn you! Fly!”
Flapping, feeling sudden pain, Noctilucent found that he could not fly, his wing was now broken in his dreaming state. He flapped and fluttered, still fighting, now struggling through the agony of making his wing move.
The world around him shifted, for a moment it was daylight, and he saw a city, but it wasn’t Canterlot. There was a foal held in his forelegs, the body felt cold, nearly lifeless. His wing didn’t want to work… panic overtook him.
And then it was dark again, the stars were overhead once more, and Canterlot was off in the distance. The foal in his embrace was gone. The ground was rushing up to greet him.
“NO!” Noctilucent shouted, forcing his broken wing to work.
Snarling in triumph, Noctilucent soared.
It's great to see another chapter released. I really love this story true and true. Hopefully all the readers of it can see the conclusion of it, but if not, at least put it on hiatus. Good luck with the rest of it!
Let me stop you right there, and explain why that's bullshit
See: Chapters Prologue through 35
5463417 What he said.
Lets assume that you are absolutely correct when you say your skill isn't on par for this story; I find that to be a load of horseapples, but lets assume that is indeed the case. Allow me, if you will, to show you why that doesn't matter.
Your characters are imperfect, and sometimes the way they speak would send a grammar teacher into fits.
WHY IT'S GOOD: People talk imperfectly, that's what makes them real. They do stupid things, wrong things, and they FEEL.
This particular story involves dreams and psychology.
WHY IT'S GOOD: dreams don't have structure, and psychology is really just one big guess at why we think they way we do. The Chase has already proven you know how to handle these subjects, so "skill", if you can really quantify it, doesn't even play a role here.
You put your heart and soul into these things, and that's what we love about them, typos and all.
WHY IT'S GOOD: If you truly thought your writing skill was subpar, you wouldn't have written over ONE MILLION words of the stuff.
In summary, even if you didn't have the writing skill or style (which you DO have, by the way), you can still put together an excellent end for this story, and I eagerly anticipate more chapters.
5463417
And chase 1-456
"I don't know if I can write the future chapters. I'm worried that my writing skill won't be enough"
This from the one who writes The Chase. Please reread Shotgunmers's comment, there are 826 followers that have no doubt about your abilities.
5463576
Mang, for what I have planned... it is going to be complicated. The readers are going to be confused. And some are going to be angry when things aren't clear. I've destroyed a number of these attempts.
First of all, thank you for updated this story. I really love what you are doing with it. Second, I agree with 5463417 . You have great writing skills. Otherwise, I (as well as others) still wouldn't be reading this and looking forward to updates. Finally, please tell me you didn't start deleting chapters yet. I want to download this story if you plan on doing so.
Well, that was a shocker of a chapter. Although, I would like to point out that even if Luna had done as she claimed, it wouldn't have surprised me all that much. I can't wait to see what happens next! Although, in one spot, there is a single quote when it should be a double, specifically when Shadow Noctilucent is telling original Noctilucent about his dark side running loose and Luna and her thestrals hunting it.
5463593
I've written a couple of chapters that have never seen the light of day... nothing has been deleted from here though. Just failed attempts.
5463582 I'm gonna be honest with you. I've missed a lot of details in this story. I've had to reread this story several times, partially because I like it so damn much, and partially because there were bits I missed. Like Noctilucent having feminine traits and wanting to be a female. I didn't pick up on that at all. I wasn't mad when it was revealed, I was impressed. Like, holy shit, why didn't I see that, that's awesome. Or bits and pieces of the dream imagery. etc etc. You get the idea.
Point is, other than an editor, no single reader is going to pick up on 100% of this (or any) fic on first read, because it's not our story. It's not our vision. It's yours. This has been one of my favorite stories of any genre to come along in some time (probably tied for favorite pony story along with Background Pony) and it's always exciting to see a new chapter for this in my unread pile. Give yourself a little credit, because trust me when I say that credit is due.
kudz, we know that that part about you not being skilled enough is bullshit, even if you don't know it.
you are undoubtedly one of the best authors on this site that i have ever seen. if anyone can pull off whatever you have though of, it's you.
i believe in you.
For what it's worth, I'd say that this chapter, while short, ranks up there with the better ones.
I understand what you're saying, but I'm not sure how well "resigned herself" works as a construction. It sounds a little awkward.
You meant 'has' instead of 'have'. I think it's a singular/plural issue. Each implies that you are referring to all of the individual members of a set respectively.
'with her and recover from' or 'here recovering from' or ?
This sounds a bit unnatural for anypony to say.
Just drop the 'A' there. I'm not sure if music is singular or plural technically, but I'm fairly sure it works either way. Also try to find a way to not use the word 'music' twice.
How do Shadow and She Noctilucent know all these things anyway?
P.S.
No matter how much you want it to be, the story doesn't need to be perfect. You can always revise it later.
5464897
The same way Noctilucent had his prophetic dream about the tornado...
5463582
Okay, new reader chiming in here, but let me lay down a few details.
I don't want to come off as crude by promoting my own story here in somebody else's comment section. But I'm not sure it can be avoided. I write a certain story on this site, and a few of the chapters have been inspired by your work. Some aspects were referenced, some were borrowed; specifically the concept of the geas, and Luna's caring nature.
Like you, I'm getting intimidated by my own work, and what's going to be coming. I've got a specific idea for what I want to do, but I don't know if I have the skill to pull it off. I'm worried that my efforts at being subtle, and painting a rich picture are causing arc fatigue, as I build up the characters for what's coming down the line. But the buildup for what's coming is absolutely necessary.
I don't have any secrets or advice to give out for overcoming doubt. I could ladle on compliment after compliment, but if you don't believe them, then they just come off as being totally hollow. It's a symptom of the whole self esteem movement as far as I'm concerned. So a different approach is necessary.
For the sake of argument, let's say that your fears are well grounded, and your skills are too limited to paint the picture you're desperately trying to make. Worst case scenario, your grand vision isn't realized by the masses unless you supplement it with responses in the comment section. There's no shame in that. Writing is fucking hard.
As I said, I don't have any secrets for advice for overcoming doubt. That's something we all have to sort out in our own way. But if you want to test the theory out, look through your readers, try and determine which one of them might make a good consultant on the matter so you can bounce ideas off of them, get their opinion, and see if ideas can be refined. That's what I've done for my own story, and it's helped me avoid a lot of bad idea that might've otherwise ruined everything because I didn't realize it on my own.
I'd volunteer my services, but I know very little about psychology. I'm writing my own story from the perspective of characters who are facing serious psychological issues, and they readily admit that they don't know what the fuck to do, and they're largely playing things by ear as they try and sort out their current mess. That's a necessity on my part because I don't know much about psychology. I know about making certain story elements interesting, and I'd offer up what advice I can, but I can't guarantee anything.
Wow. I got chills when I got the notification that this was updated. This story is awesome. Thanks so much for updating it.
5464910
By authorial fiat? Or was there an explanation back there somewhere?
kudzu, I think you are under geas, that says "use word 'squirming' as much as possible in your stories". And this geas didn't worn off...
5466409
Squirming is an awesome word...
5467147
There's many awesome words in the world. Chimicherrychanga, kumquat, cucumber... and many others. Why don't you focus on other words too, instead of just one?
5467274
I focus on many.
I focus upon a plethora of words.
5467374
But still "squirming" is the most overused word in your stories. Really.
5467381
My critics would disagree and say 'fart' has that distinction.
I like writhe as well, and use it often.
5467405
Well, if "use way too often" is 10 and "not use at all" is 0, "suirming" is 10, "fart" is 8, and "writhe" is 6 or 7. It's just my impression, of course, other people may think otherwise.
I can't be the only one hoping for a Nocti-Quirky love scene before this is all over.
And I know you had to had a plan of where this was going when you first started out. You have to get there. Chapters may not be shiny and perfect, but something is better than nothing.
I was on a fanfic panel at TrotCon 2013, and the number one gripe was stories that were abandoned in-progress. So that was the tip I gave all aspiring fic writers - know where you're going, and if need be, have it written out before you even begin posting.
Best of luck! Noctilucent has become one of my all-time favorite OC's.
5475361
I know where I am going, I can see the end from here... but the next part of the story is tricky... it involves insomnia and waking dream states. It will not be immediately clear if Noctilucent is awake or asleep or dreaming... the reader will have to figure out the clues.
As the writer, I have the obligation to make sure those clues are good enough to give them a fair shot. The reader has an obligation to pay attention... so I need to make sure I leave enough behind for the reader to pay attention to. Which is gonna be a
This is gonna be tough.
5478570
Oh, hello, mister necroposter!
It's true, that author knows his world and his characters better than any reader. But you know the general rule of writing - "show, not say". I just mirrored the things shown in story to demonstrate them, to show how they look to readers. To let author see and maybe improve his writing. If I'd say this bluntly, it likely don't work, I did it before and authors exploded "who are you to say me how to do things!", so I changed tactic. Also, the fact that I revealing this in comment section means that I gave up with kudzu, and with this whole helping thing at all.
5478737
Oh, so that means that everyone saw Luna as a mind controlling bitch? And compared her to chrysalis? Oh yeah. Sorry, I must not have seen that.
And you call that "helping"? You were just spamming the comments section with blatant and sarcastic bullshit, and eventually Kudzu just gave up. You haven't written any stories, and I don't see any 'reviewer' titles anywhere on your page, so you're not really the authority when it comes to the quality of someone's writing.
And really? Necroposter? Oh yes, excuse me. I'll just weave a little bit of black magic into my comment.
If you're trying to insult me, at least do it with real words.
5479680
Well, I pointed some facts. Real facts from fic. And called that facts like they looked.
It would be "spamming" if I'd post the same, or just short messages in mass. The thing that happened was not spamming, it was active conversation. Two-sided.
About stories and reviews - this is strictly English-only stories site, so I can't post my texts here. My English is pretty... ehm... imperfect, and I don't want to post something that looks like written by imbecile child from the moon. I need good translator to post something on FimFiction. But one of my specialties back home is fiction literature editing, so even if I don't know how to write in English correctly, I can see some flaws in text.
It's not insult, it's slang from my home country. Necromancers are dark mages that raise dead bodies, so necroposters are people who raise dead conversations. Sorry for misunderstanding.
5479747
Thread necromancy is a long studied art...
And also kind of icky when you think about it because a lot of necromancy actually involves having sex with corpses to make the magic work. (Not all, mind you)
Anyhoo, I just thought I'd chime in and lighten up the mood.
Edit: I actually wrote "I just thought I'd come into the thread and lighten up the mood" but I had to change it for obvious reasons. Ick!
5479752
Well, current conversation is still alive, so it might not be so icky =) Miss Conversatoin may even charm you so much that you'll want to marry her :)
5479752
See! Someone understands! I put so much effort into perfecting my black magic weaving, and everyone just ignores it! *sob*
I don't have sex with dead bodies though. Eww.
No.
I burn them.....
After stuffing them with spinach.
Because spinach is nightmare fuel.
Tip: when asking readers to go back and read a former chapter, it's good form to - provide a link - especially when your story doesn't have chapter titles and you haven't updated for a while.
See, if all those people had just waited, and not been pansies about having their views challenged, then they could have found out that the geas wasn't much of a real thing in the first place. Good job on an awesome story, Kudzu.
Woo! Nocti is boss! Quirkylucent is still my favorite OC ship and Cactus was adorable. I think the scary part is that I can't see this being where it all starts easing into the end. Nocti still has to face his inner demon and keep it from terrorizing the dreams of foals, then Quirky has to get pregnant... unless that already happened and I forgot. Anyway, I'l see you at the next chapter.