Hell yeah! This seems to be the only story that updates while I'm awake! I stand by my opinion that ponies, (humans in this case I suppose), are so much better when mixed with alcahol!
I also like what you've done with Pinkie. Usually authors make her seem overly childish and naive. I find it encouraging that despite these qualities you've had her look out for Dano in a more serious Pinkie Pie way. Warms my heart!
279168 OH GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! please stop - huh, well who woulda thought. pinky looks sexy when human and dancing to that shit ...I´m a fucking pervert
279222 who said I DIDNT TOO?!?! *FWOOMP WHERE THE HELL DID THESE COME FROM?!? UGH I need to think of something else *slowly fading whistle there we go. now... ...back to the topic of humanized po-*FWOOMP aw COME ON!
279243 bro, control your wings what happens if someone see's your wing boner how embarasing that's why i alway hide somewhere when i read clopfiction or think about human ponies whatsoever
Since this comment is like, from way in the past and I don't know if your writing has changed since, but I'm noting a very clear trend in your writing, and it's one which most authors suffer from. You're telling, not showing. Give us some similes, metaphors. Spend a paragraph describing small things, how dark is the night sky? how pink is pinkie's outfit? Don't give us the details, give us the emotions, the atmosphere. Also, descriptions of people. You have become very monotonous with your trend of character description to the point it is practically this order: Hair, Eyes, Clothing (torso), clothing (legs) and shoes. Break this up. This is alright every now and then but in chapters where you introduce a LOT of people, it becomes very obvious and very repetitive. We've barely heard anything about complexion. How do the girls vary in heights? Daniel (for some reason Dano just sounds silly to me, but that's opinion) is a guy, so he may have his eyes drawn to the body and not just the outfit. How old are the characters? So far it hasn't been said at all, are they young adults? middle aged? Heck even Sweetie Belle could come off as being between 7 and 15 due to the vagueness and your focus on attire and not the person.
But this is out of date and the story is complete. So many of my points may be moot. This is just my opinion so feel free to ignore it :P
Haha loving this story mate, keep up the excellent work!
Hell yeah! This seems to be the only story that updates while I'm awake! I stand by my opinion that ponies, (humans in this case I suppose), are so much better when mixed with alcahol!
I also like what you've done with Pinkie. Usually authors make her seem overly childish and naive. I find it encouraging that despite these qualities you've had her look out for Dano in a more serious Pinkie Pie way. Warms my heart!
Good Job
*nerdgasm*
I'm like where this story is heading, now that he's not a loner this story can finally pick up.
(not that it hasn't picked up already)
HELL YES!
277423 thank you for the positive comment
277447 yes, alcohol does make everything better, and Pinkie is still fun, but no one in this Ponyville is naive. Im happy you like my Pinkie
277496 thank you
277565 now clean up your mess, i don't want to step in it
277566 oh boi, you are gonna love it alot more soon friend
277603 thanks friend
noo!! not Bon Bon, her and Lyra were so happy together
I'm also wondering about danos other things at the cabin, he has a lot of useful things there
277900 yes, yes he does
and Bon Bon is... okay?
idk
So... Lyra studies ponies now?
*insert Inception music here*
WHAT IS THIS PLACE.
277920 lol, maybe
idk
Lyra wont be the lyra we all know
since her Bon Bon is missing
Hmm, I am pleased by this story. The great and powerful trixie demands MORE
277986 hmmm, maybe
idk if trixie will show up
maybe
idk yet
and you will get moar
no woories
278062 sgt. moonbeam SIR!
requesting permission to peform a "fanboy squee" .SIR!
278941 Permission granted private chavis54
and when your done with that your getting a promotion for being such and awesome fan boy
278974SIR!. YES, SIR!
*squeeeeeeee
278991 good job
you are now a corporal of the fanboy army
hey
i got a question
you like my songs?
279026 what songs, sir?
279052 -_- the two songs that were linked in the story
you know?
song*
and
song^
click the link bro
279136 OH those
I havent heard them yet wai a sec
[insert random shuffling here]
im back
they are GREAT
fucking caramelldansen
its TOO MUCH!!
279161 lol, now imagine pinkie pie dancing to caramelldansin
279168 OH GOD
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
please stop -
huh, well who woulda thought.
pinky looks sexy when human
and dancing to that shit
...I´m a fucking pervert
279214 lol
i perfer flutterhuman
*licks lips*
279222 who said I DIDNT TOO?!?!
*FWOOMP
WHERE THE HELL DID THESE COME FROM?!?
UGH
I need to think of something else
*slowly fading whistle
there we go. now...
...back to the topic of humanized po-*FWOOMP
aw COME ON!
279243 bro, control your wings
what happens if someone see's your wing boner
how embarasing
that's why i alway hide somewhere when i read clopfiction
or think about human ponies whatsoever
279252 was that a silent fwoomp I heard there, brotha?
279252 also I think I havent shown you this. have i?
images.wikia.com/gyropedia/images/6/60/Wingboner.jpg
meet adam jensen
i113.photobucket.com/albums/n202/Starsiege_/awedance.gif
279358 bro, my wings have yet to calm down since i started thinking about this story
since there is a tag for sex...
279425I SAID
MEET AWEDAM JENSEN
i113.photobucket.com/albums/n202/Starsiege_/awedance.gif
and when the heck is that coming man?
...
...
FWOOMP
GOD DAMNIT
279434 you will have to wait for it
and hello Awedam Jensen
meet my friend stewie:
gifs.gifbin.com/150g69g677.gif
279453 EEEEEWWWWWWWW
you sick basterd
279541 yep
well its:
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/249/249/a82.gif
The pink hole... Is that supposed to be a reference to Bittersweet?
Pinkie is making donuts at the Pink Hole. If that's not a reference to Bittersweet I don't know what is.
281418 yes, it is a refference to Bittersweet
i have talked to Ragingsemi
and he gave me permission to use his pinkie pie
no worries
281566 Do I win any internets for picking up on that reference?
281665 yes, yes you do
cache.ohinternet.com/images/4/49/Internets2.jpg
there you go firend
Well... this story rocks! Hope you continue this, Tracked, my good sir!
290627 thank you friend
and more is inbound
charged two super!
firing for effect!
Ooh the bittersweet refrence i chuckled at the thought of the story
You forgot the "e" at the end of sweetie belle's name, just to let you know
Since this comment is like, from way in the past and I don't know if your writing has changed since, but I'm noting a very clear trend in your writing, and it's one which most authors suffer from.
You're telling, not showing. Give us some similes, metaphors. Spend a paragraph describing small things, how dark is the night sky? how pink is pinkie's outfit? Don't give us the details, give us the emotions, the atmosphere.
Also, descriptions of people. You have become very monotonous with your trend of character description to the point it is practically this order: Hair, Eyes, Clothing (torso), clothing (legs) and shoes. Break this up. This is alright every now and then but in chapters where you introduce a LOT of people, it becomes very obvious and very repetitive. We've barely heard anything about complexion. How do the girls vary in heights? Daniel (for some reason Dano just sounds silly to me, but that's opinion) is a guy, so he may have his eyes drawn to the body and not just the outfit. How old are the characters? So far it hasn't been said at all, are they young adults? middle aged? Heck even Sweetie Belle could come off as being between 7 and 15 due to the vagueness and your focus on attire and not the person.
But this is out of date and the story is complete. So many of my points may be moot. This is just my opinion so feel free to ignore it :P
God I love all your author notes
Royal Air Force, not Army Air Corps.
Lovegoo I'll be honest every one of your authors notes makes me laugh