233950 yay, no more yelling and i still have to have Dano meet the mane 6 and all the fun they have (with pinkies randomness in full bloom) and the epic battle that follows and to tell you a secret...
...
... *leans in close* ... probably gonna have a sequel that is all kthanxbai
233830 by the way brotha/sister/whatevs I just feel like saying that someone named Daniel alone in the worst case scenario ever fighting wierd s(caw)t and without knowing what to expect just makes my mind yell like crazy "AMNESIA AMNESIA AMNESIA AMNESIA"
235864 lol well it started as a signature when i commented on someones fic the comment was usually constructive criticism so the kthanxbai was llike a way to soften the blow by thanking the author for making the changes but i soon started using them on all of my comments as like a permanent signature
Wait so he gets attacked by random dogs for being in a tent but he sleeps for 2 weeks and nothing bothers him? And how did he survive 2 weeks of no food or water and just sleep? (Besides magic that's too obvious :3) Btw tho I'm loving this story so far :)
This story is quite well-written exept for the one thing that didn't matted at first but is starting to kill me with annoyance: the story is written in the third AND second person. It mostly has third person then BAM! second person actions and stuff takes place. Its confusing, sp if there's gonna be any rewrites/updates/improvements with the material, that would be on the top of the list. If not.... meh,
I dont't care who you are but if a rabid dog comes up to you ready to rip a limb off you don't go 'huh, I'll stab the thing to death in defece' when you have a .44 magum. And before people say the gun doesn't have too much kick, I've fired one myself and I have to say that even though you shoot someone in the head they'll just have a bloody stump it wouldn't do anything bad for him. And another you might say is 'well, he's been in a coma for a while and bone and muscle mass has gone down'. People, if he was able to walk down a flight of stares or even lift up his own body weight he would have no trouble finding the gun. And you don't need close combat training to use a .44, when I shot it I never held a pistol since that day and all I was told was 'aim at the target and you'll be fine' and yet I was still able to do reasonably well. Talking about the hospital brings up another thing for me. How did he eat that much? A normal fat man might be able to eat that much in one go but a young adult doing that? After a twenty year coma? If you don't eat much for like five days your stomach shrinks, meaning you can't eat as much. There have been people who have been stranded and eat barely anything for years, becoming just skin and bone and when they come back they eat maybe a few mouthfuls a meal due to the smaller stomach, and if they eat to much they WILL throw up, even a full can of beans would do that to a staving man. There have been those who have died days after being rescued because they starved to death because they weren't able to eat enough.
Other than those: good attention to detail. Storyline not rushed. Character has some personality without being overpowered. Gritty setting. Not too bad. I have definitely read much, MUCH worse stories. I shall continue on.
this is very......interesting.
I wonder what will happen to daniel
this has me just immersed damnit
its too FUGGING GOOD
233801 Dano is going to get a lot of things
some good
some bad
you just gotta stay tuned
and thanks for the positive comment
that is all
kthanxbai
new chapter
*reads*
now to wait for the next one
233838 working on it friend
don't you worry your cool moustache
This is a great story, I just hope it doesn't end too soon.
I also learned how to turn off my Caps Lock.
233950 yay, no more yelling
and i still have to have Dano meet the mane 6
and all the fun they have (with pinkies randomness in full bloom)
and the epic battle that follows
and to tell you a secret...
...
...
*leans in close*
...
probably gonna have a sequel
that is all
kthanxbai
*gasp*
That means the fun shall be doubled!!!
234171 oh trust me
you don't know the half of it my friend
233830 by the way brotha/sister/whatevs
I just feel like saying that someone named Daniel
alone in the worst case scenario ever
fighting wierd s(caw)t and
without knowing what to expect
just makes my mind yell like crazy
"AMNESIA AMNESIA AMNESIA AMNESIA"
235685 never played it, so i wouldn't know
235814 one thing
what with you and saying
"kthanxbai"?
235864 lol well it started as a signature when i commented on someones fic
the comment was usually constructive criticism
so the kthanxbai was llike a way to soften the blow by thanking the author for making the changes
but i soon started using them on all of my comments as like a permanent signature
lol
that is all
kthanxbai
235888 YOU DID IT AGAIN!!!
236012 lol
u mad?
236020 kinda yeah...nah im not
I just like being random
236026 lol, just wait till you meet my human pinkie
randomness will ensue
i hope
not there yet
236047 oh my god!!
stop teasing me you!!!
236026 oh, and btw i am a brotha
236065
but its so much fun
236071 ok then
I will stil hate but not as much
mostly due to discord being funny over here
236114 discord may make an apperance
maybe not
236135 ARGH I SAID STOP TEASING!!!!
if you tease me again I wil make fluttershy cry
then commit suicide
because of a mental breakdown after that
236289 no dont please
anything but make fluttershy cry
teasing shall be over with
cross my heart hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye
236344ok
shy you can go now
236396 whew
now i can sleep at night
well
i should get writing...
...
...
...
...
...
ima be lazy
o my god...is this me?
"Feeling about twenty percent cooler Dano began to move into the parking garage"
I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE :)
man if the kid fired that revolver in his condition he'd be missing fingers or at least have a bruised forehead
man y u so good at this writing thing now I'm not gonna get any sleep>.<
FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU
REFERENCES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*falls asleep* zzz huh? wa? *looks at watch* damn i slept for two weeks. i must be as lazy as rainbow dash
Wait so he gets attacked by random dogs for being in a tent but he sleeps for 2 weeks and nothing bothers him? And how did he survive 2 weeks of no food or water and just sleep? (Besides magic that's too obvious :3)
Btw tho I'm loving this story so far :)
Ummm that's not called being asleep. I'm pretty sure that's called a coma
This story is quite well-written exept for the one thing that didn't matted at first but is starting to kill me with annoyance: the story is written in the third AND second person. It mostly has third person then BAM! second person actions and stuff takes place. Its confusing, sp if there's gonna be any rewrites/updates/improvements with the material, that would be on the top of the list. If not.... meh,
I dont't care who you are but if a rabid dog comes up to you ready to rip a limb off you don't go 'huh, I'll stab the thing to death in defece' when you have a .44 magum. And before people say the gun doesn't have too much kick, I've fired one myself and I have to say that even though you shoot someone in the head they'll just have a bloody stump it wouldn't do anything bad for him. And another you might say is 'well, he's been in a coma for a while and bone and muscle mass has gone down'. People, if he was able to walk down a flight of stares or even lift up his own body weight he would have no trouble finding the gun. And you don't need close combat training to use a .44, when I shot it I never held a pistol since that day and all I was told was 'aim at the target and you'll be fine' and yet I was still able to do reasonably well. Talking about the hospital brings up another thing for me. How did he eat that much? A normal fat man might be able to eat that much in one go but a young adult doing that? After a twenty year coma? If you don't eat much for like five days your stomach shrinks, meaning you can't eat as much. There have been people who have been stranded and eat barely anything for years, becoming just skin and bone and when they come back they eat maybe a few mouthfuls a meal due to the smaller stomach, and if they eat to much they WILL throw up, even a full can of beans would do that to a staving man. There have been those who have died days after being rescued because they starved to death because they weren't able to eat enough.
A few issues to specify here:
1. 200 rounds of .44 Magnum is a LOT of weight to have in your pockets. Each box of 50 weighs around 6 or 7 lbs. His pants would be falling off him. Also those boxes are NOT small. What the hell kinds of pockets did he have to fit 4 boxes of 50 into his pockets?
2. Dogs' claws click on concrete and in an almost silent environment he WOULD have heard them coming.
3. A knuckle duster knife is ONLY useful if you are assassinating somebody. The kind of knife described here is oddly balanced, heavy, and bulky. Special Forces have to be specifically trained in how to use them. Using one in a fight the way described above... he would he more likely to injure himself than anything else.
4. Making the main character any version of 'The Chosen One' is a BAD cliché and should be avoided at all costs.
5. I can buy the guy not dehydrating to death in the recovery chamber due to the liquid being able to purify urine or something, but sleeping for two weeks on a bed? You would die of dehydration in 4 days or less from the lack of water. The guy is already skin and bones, he has no fat for his bidy to feed off of either. He would have also starved to death.
Other than those: good attention to detail. Storyline not rushed. Character has some personality without being overpowered. Gritty setting. Not too bad. I have definitely read much, MUCH worse stories. I shall continue on.
Not even giving him a chance to choose, wow. So hes basically forced to help them, and he can't say no because they won't even allow him to speak.