Twilight Gets a Puppy
Season 4
By TDR
For Whom The Sweetie Betta Toils,
Prologue
[ Friendship Express, En-route to Canterlot, early Winter]
The train clicked and clacked along the tracks as it made the rather slow ascent up the mountain. Despite the trip only taking an hour at most, to the three sitting in the train car, under the careful watch of at least three plain clothes Guards and two obvious guard, it was highly dull.
Granted the guard was not there to protect the three normal looking ponies, they were there to protect everything else from the three normal looking ponies.
The Decaff Brigade, the Cake Hunters, and the few Heart Guard that remained in Canterlot as some sort of embassy guard, had come together to assign guards to make a fifth specific guard unit.
There was a fourth guard unit of course, but the 'Sparkle Squad' was not spoken of often by the other guard units. Simply put, because anyone willing to join that unit was either a glutton for punishment, or clinically insane, and they scared the normal guard.
Even the Six Sixty Sixth was wary of any Guards in purple and navy blue armor trimmed with green.
Thankfully the score or so guards in that particular unit stayed in Ponyville for the most part, under the lead of a former Captain of the Decaff Brigade, Comet Trail. The stallion had managed to bring another nox-cal in from the Decaff Brigade to be his second. Lodestone was a massive mountain of a pony and had taken to living in Ponyville surprisingly well, most likely due to the three mares that 'welcomed him'.
The fact that the Sparkle Squad also tended to the near weekly disasters that plagued the town made a number of of insurance providers, who were tricked into covering the town by Princess Celestia, a great deal happier.
But the fifth squad in the making was one that some considered a joke.
But the order had come from both the Lunar Princess AND the Sparkle Squad commander that it was a needed thing if these three ponies left the confines of Ponyville.
That one of them was the adopted younger sister of Princess Luna only added to the urgency.
At the moment the few guards assigned to watch over the 'Cutie Mark Crusaders' didn't have an official name. They were composed of a number of new guards and a few who had signed up willingly for what was considered an easy job in foal sitting.
The unofficial name of this unit by those in the know however was,' Suckers'.
Sweetiebelle huffed as she looked out the window and watched the trees go past. Luckily for the guards the three were pensive, half asleep, and reading a book at the moment. The five guards present last time they had come up to Canterlot had either retired , transferred, or were still in therapy from the 'Engineering cutie mark' incident.
Two engines and four miles of track also had to be replaced.
Neither of the damaged engines had been the one they were on.
“Ah figured you'd be more excited than this Sweetiebelle.”Applebloom offered looking up from her book at the noise Sweetie made. “Been a while since we got tah go stay with Princess Luna.”
“I know. She owes me a rematch in Road Kombat.” Scootaloo grinned opening her eyes the rumble of the train lulling her to doze. ”I've been practicing.”
“I am excited, it's just mom and dad dumped me on Rarity again and then she had to run off to deal with an order from Sapphire Shores and drug Sombra off to help her so we couldn't stay there.” Sweetiebelle sighed.
“Well Aunt Fireball had to head to Cloudsdale for the meeting about this years snow schedule, so staying there was out. Fluttershy was too busy with getting all the animals hibernating properly to watch us.”Scootaloo added.
“Big Mac, Granny, and Applejack are off to help with a bumper crop of them weird Crystal Apples with a cousin of ours up in tha Empire.” Applebloom offered.” They'll be gone all weekend and maybe a bit more, which is why ah was staying with Sweetie and Rarity so ah didn't miss any school.”
“What about Spike and Twilight?” Scootaloo asked.
“Already told yah. Twilight and Sunset are doing some sort of experiments this weekend. He's gotta keep an eye on them so they don't blow up tha town, and Rahs' winter coat is coming in and you know how he gets when he's itchy.” Applebloom offered. “Spike said it's way too dangerous for any pony tah be around for it when those two start on somethin.”
[ Ponyville, Golden Oaks library.]
“PULL THE LEVER KRONK!!” Sunset shouted from behind a magically reinforced slab of wood and lead shielding.
“Who's Kronk?” Twilight asked as she pulled the lever from behind another such shield.
The sound of two billion volts arcing through the air from some strange apparatus that seemed to hover over the basement floor filled the air as a bolt of lightning slammed into the top of the odd box left by the Tree of Harmony. The energy arched over the box for a little while scorching the stone table it was on before everything exploded, sending the entire lab flying around with a roar of noise. The room was filled with smoke the scent of ozone and a hint of roasted pecans.
“Wrong lever.” Sunset coughed casting a spell to disperse the smoke so she could look over the damage.
The box sat on the remains of the table looking completely undamaged from the wash of energy that destroyed everything else in the room and melted the barricade shields.
“Well crap.” Twilight huffed.
Upstairs, Rahs sat on the couch blinking.
A large circle of fur lay around him covering the couch and the floor and much of the room.
Spike who had been nearby eating ice cream now had a full navy blue beard, though his ice cream cone was also covered in fur.
There had been shouting from the basement, a dimming of the lights across town, then his winter coat had suddenly exploded into existence puffing him up like a large cotton ball of fluff.
Then there was an explosion down stairs and more yelling.
“The Buck was that!?”
At least his fur wasn't itchy any more.
Spike just wandered upstairs to admire his new beard.
“Besides I thought ya liked hanging out with Princess Luna?”Applebloom continued.
“I do, it's just I still kinda feel like I'm getting pushed off on other ponies sometimes.”Sweetiebelle sighed.
“I know that feeling, “ Scootaloo huffed.”But I also know they have jobs and things they have to do sometimes. I mean heck, I can fly now, but I'm still staying in Ponyville because I want to. I could head off and travel with my parents now, but I got used to it here and then I'd miss you guys.”
“Yeah, but your parents have tah work, Sweetiebelle's just go on a ton of vacations and business trips.” Applebloom offered.
“Oh yeah, them... I'm starting to think Sombra might be onto something with them.”Scootaloo nodded.
“You know what, you're right.” Sweetiebelle stated suddenly.
“About your parents?” Scootaloo questioned.
“No, about enjoying this trip. I get to stay with the best big sister ever.” Sweetiebelle grinned and bounced off the seat down to her bag pulling it open and drawing out a book.
Scootaloo and Applebloom's eyes widened in fear at the sight of it.
The guards around them looked confused at the fear they showed of the book.
“I can try out some new recipes I read about and she can tell me what she thinks.”Sweetiebelle beamed waving the cook book around.
“Are we about to be charged with regicide?” Applebloom muttered to Scootaloo.
“I think it would have been safer to stay at Twilight's.” Scootaloo agreed.
You don't know the half of it.
I too wonder who knonk is twilight....at least in the context of this fic. Did sunset watch the emperor's new groove or is there ACTUALLY someone named Cronk that's the butt of the joke.
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Sunset spent years in the human world and watched a bunch of movies. She and the Sirens are my Meme ponies.
dun dun dun dun dundu ndudnundun Who gave sweetie bell a cook book. Burn the heathen
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It is an amazing line, yes.
Also, the Tirek arc is looming closer... I wonder how it will go in this universe. Hopefully, not as terribly as it went in the "SiS" universe... I don't like Rarity that much (even less in this story), but I don't really wish her dead.
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I keep reminding myself this is a comedy fic.
Don't worry you two. It is only regicide if the death sticks, and as both Celestia and Chrysalis have shown us, Gods don't die normally, but then again this IS Sweetie's Cooking we're talking about.
Oh no. Sweetibelle is going to Canterlot.
To COOK.
For some reason Im getting an image of the castle chef being replaced with an entity slightly more capable of surviving the event.
Cthulu in Power Armor.
That would be the least of your worries. Wait what day are they going to Canterlot to spend time with Luna?
Only if you somehow manage to kill Blueblood.
Then the three of you would have Rainbow Dash to worry about.
Also, I’m a little surprised Princess Luna didn’t fetch these three herself. To minimalize the potential collateral damage.
I wish each chapter had it's own upvote button
This is why Bacon Horse is Best Horse
And even if it's beyond useless to bray so, I still ship it
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They are headed up there on a Friday..... Yes.... Friday.
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She's currently asleep prepping she is a night pony, the crusaders like being able to stay up super late but they rarely make it all night.
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Which ship? Twi Set? Or Rahsset?
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Oh dear god nothing can save Canterlot from the beings known as CMC
I think that would require them staying dead, so no i don't think so.
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TwiSet, of course! RahsSet still has some chance, even though I'm not rooting for them.
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Well Tirek is going to unleash Forgescale, god of Volcanoes, Strength and Pain, so Idiot Celestia isn't needed now.
Of course, it will be interesting to see what happen to Tirek, since right now none of the other OTL villains (Discord, Chrysalis and Sombra) turned out all that bad.
you know her cookings that legendarily bad that they would rather be in a 99.9% chance of death via twilight abd sunset messing aroubd with something then the 100% chance of death voa sweetiebelle
Why do I get the feeling any pony that last’s in the Chaos brigade (Feel free to use it TDR) and members of the sparkle Squad will become the most combat effective guards In existence. To the point that They can combat DISCORD against a home Field advantage to the lord of chaos
Rarity! What are ya thinking giving your sister a cook book?!
I swear, darling, that I keep every one I have at home under lock and key!
Five bits says Luna eats it and likes it.
And THAT's saying something
See also "Tactical Ablative Armor" or Taa Taas
Yes, I'm sure she and Sombra will be quite busy~
Sunset is a mare of culture, I see
SCIENCE!
I'm still like 40% on the fan theory that Spike is at least part Lung dragon given his propensity for facial hair
He is rather observant after all
CODE BROWN! I REPEAT, CODE BROWN!
Quite possibly
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I'll take that bet!
Huh, you got that single Rahs line out rather quick this time
This version of the cm are my favorite
So much pain, misery and Cultured SunnySet in this chapter that I might feed and grow stronger with.
To laugh at all the pain, misery and Cultured Sunnyset
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I’ve never seen The Emperor’s New School, but the “Pull the lever, Kronk!” meme reminds me of a similar, but much older running gag…
Well at least regicide has its benefits, I heard it does wonders for teaching one how to use Halberds.
Hmmm. Three chapters from now.
<HUGE EXPLOSION IN CANTERLOT>
Spike: Wow. How powerful do you think that explosion was?
Rahs: Bork.
Spike: What do you mean it was just a light show?
<TWILIGHT TELEPORTS INTO THE KITCHEN>
Rahs: Woof.
Twilight: “…of course you would get the call to teleport there too.”
Spike: “teleport…? Should I go ask Lyra who the new god is?”
Twilight: “I wouldn’t bother. Rahs and I will find out soon enough.”
<TWILIGHT AND RAHS TELEPORT AWAY>
Three seconds later.
<TWILIGHT AND RAHS TELEPORT BACK INTO THE KITCHEN>
Spike: wow. That was fast. So who is the new—
<TWILIGHT AND RAHS BOTH SLUMP DOWN IS ABJECT HORROR>
Rahs: Twilight.
Twilight: Yes Rah.
Rahs: Why did the universe respond to their cry?
Twilight: …
Rahs: …
Twilight: Heh. Heheh. Cutie Mark Crusaders… Goddesses… Yay…
Snrk
WHEEEEEZE!!
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It is terrifying how this is both accurate and still falls short of describing the sheer abominations that Sweetie manages to produce...
I wanna know more about these guys
Hehe, love everything here. The guard units, yhe suckers, Sunset naking use of her akternate pop culture knowledge, Twi and Shimmy being alk mad scientist....... and Sweetie Belle about to unleash a horror beyond even The reckoning of The Pink One.
Sounds like my kind of squad. Where do I sign up?
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You don't they find you
Dear god... Sweetybell is a Pyromantics leaking horror im sure of it...
At least noone get bored in Ponyville!
I'm just glad that in TGaP Princess Celestia and Queen Chrysalis can literally get pulped and they'll just reform. Because it's logical to assume that all the gods are at least half as unkillable, especially Princess Luna since Celestia is her sister. Otherwise I would very scared for the life of Best Princess. As it is I'm still a little worried. I mean Sweetie Belle's "cooking"...... I rest my case.
Seriously surprised Kitchens all over the world don't start honorable suicide the moment Sweetybell try cooking
I think the proper term would be deicide
XD YES, SUNSET
So... nothing about Shining getting his beard?
Honestly I respect the mad lads even if they are crazy or mentally disabled to not see how bad it is being a sparkle guard
Priceless random humor.
Spike finally got a beard, Rahs has a brand new Fluffy look, probably need to visit barbershop for 3 hour trimming job.
Shining Armor seem to be left out here, maybe add something for him?
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Speaking of meme ponies, Sweetie Belle's cooking: