Twilight Sparkle is being sent to Ponyville to learn about friendship. She's not happy about it.
Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
The Show Stoppers
Dear Princess Celestia,
I do believe I've discovered a fatal flaw with the Cutie Mark. I mean, once you find a hobby as a kid, and get good enough at it, that's it. I suppose our kind really can't look forward to career changes. Our whole existence is one big concentration camp. Fate slaps a random tattoo on your ass, and you're forced into that type of labor for the rest of your life. And why does the Cutie Mark wait until you become aware of your talent? Being aware of your abilities takes a certain amount of brain power that Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo apparently just aren't capable of. There should come a time when a pony reaches a certain age when the cutie mark just appears. Bam, here's what you're doing for the rest of your days, get to work.
So today we've figured out they can't feed pigs, they can't work a taffy machine, they give horrendous makeovers, everypony knows the only psychic in Equestria is Pinkie, they can't scale a 10 foot boulder, and I don't even want to know why they got the idea to scuba dive. Also, do you know a good lawyer? Because if they mess up my bookshelves again, I can't be held responsible for what I'm going to do to them. Even the school teacher, who somehow manages to educate these ruffians, wasn't able to hammer the point home that they should focus on what they're already good at. I don't know, maybe we need an actual hammer. I know that would make me feel better. So Cheerilee suggested the talent show. I couldn't figure out whether or not she was serious, but was sure it'd be a hoot either way.
So on the night of the talent show, I immediately became afraid of the motto 'fillies are the future.' Very afraid. But it was entertaining nonetheless. Cheerilee even had an ingenious award system; give the Best Comedy medal to the worst act of the night. Well, guess who it was? Yep, the Cutie Mark Disasters. Problem is, now that they thought this medal actually meant something and not just a consolation prize, they're now going after their talent in comedy. But I doubt they'll pull off anything funnier and more horrible than a rock ballad from the neighties.
So to close, I began rummaging through some of their rejected items for the show. Apparently Sweetie Belle thought ponies had five legs, sorry, but the Apple family's inbreeding hasn't even caused that deformity yet. Also I came across the best lyrics ever. I mean, why didn't they use these? In fact, I'll finish them real quick.
With our cutie marks, we'll rock Equestria.
We use our stomachs to digestia.
I write a letter to Celestia
My fucking lyrics are the bestia!
Your lyrical former student,
Twilight Sparkle
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*slow clap* Well played.
And I get first due to checking my stories one last time before bed, as well as another chapter of this awesome story.
Twilight's lyrics are indeed bestia.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png
1022702 *Slow bow.* Thanks for reading.
1022710 Sorry, mate. Someone beat you by 60 seconds. ^_^
very nice
Cool. Fix the typo in the end. Twiliight.
That is something I wonder... like getting your cutie mark and doing the job it represents forever... think Rarity should have been a gem-miner and Pinkie should have worked as balloon sales-pony
O.G. Sparkle.
Rock out wit' yo Scootaloo out.
Well, we know how this Twilight feels about the Cutie Mark Disasters.
Rock ballad from the neighties. Nice.
"You're the princess I want to molestia"
I wanna see Celestia's response to these letters.
img9.joyreactor.cc/pics/comment/picture-22859.jpeg
Update... on my birthday.
Sir, you are AWESOME!!!!
YES. YES. YES.
I half expect Trollestia to be reading these whilst munching on bananas.
1022773
They're not always literal. Some are metaphorical. Though yes, Rarity's special talent is NOT dressmaking, that's a skill she picked up on her own. However, those are party balloons on Pinkie's butt, so it fits.
Oh twilight, its never the obvious thing you have to try everything else 1st
How much fun do you have writing these?!
the episode was marketed more to kids, and it wasn't as good. i skipped the entire musical number, but you made it sound good.
sunglasses.name/gif/joker-clap.gif
I like it!
I like it!
1022773
It's canon that cutie marks can be symbolic. For instance, Cheerilee explains her cutie mark, smiling flowers, represents her desire to "make her students bloom and learn cheerfully." I'd wager Pinkie Pie's represents parties (balloons are a good simple visual representation of parties, no?) but could also represent her bouncy, exuberant, and sometimes gravity/reality-defying self. That could explain why it isn't a party hat or a slice of cake or some other party-related object. Rarity's cutie mark probably represents the beauty she wants to bring to the world through her art and her generosity, seeing as gems are both pretty (beauty/art) and valuable (a good gift).
These letters are always good for a quick laugh
1024746 Don't like it? Fine. Hit that dislike button and go back to EqD for your strictly in-character, serious fics.
Because here, you're the 5%. Next.
So many lulz. Keep up the good work!
Your fucking lyrics are the bestia.
Snarky Twilight is best Twilight.
Trust me Twilight, if making lyrics were that easy...
It'd be parrallel to humanitys modern day "good" pop songs, if not better...
Those lyrics. I can't breathe.
I was excited for this one, and was not disappointed, nice job again man.
"I use my stomach to digestia." dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Pinkie_loool.png
Another great chapter, good sir! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png Peace out!
1024787
I wish I could thumbs up your comment.
"but the Apple family's inbreeding hasn't even caused"
should be
" but even the Apple family's inbreeding hasn't caused "
Nice one. Good laught. Waiting for moar.
"neighties"
YAAAY! She certainly hit the nail on the head.
I wish we had cutie marks. So we could focus on what we're good at instead of wasting half our life on stupid shit like drama or cooking.
I enjoy the fic, but am only commenting so I had a chance to use this ----->>
Dis has dem.
DA MAGICKS.
Apple family inbreeding deformities ftw!
1063649 If we're talking Hey Ocean!, then it wasn't a typo. Yeah, I know they're more jazz and funk than rock, but when I think of a jazz band, I think of a saxaphone, a cello, and a drum set. When I think of a rock band, I think of a guitar, bass, drums, and vocals.
And I write these on a whim, too, so cut me some slack. Thanks for reading.
And if we're not (just noticed you were commenting on Chapter 1) then no, I think anyone who can raise the sun needs a rock band, lol.
your paying for my new spleen...
Well at least they learned two seasons later that there's a thing called "Autotune" and it's for those who just can't sing good enough on their own (But at least they sang better than Justin Cook when he did 'Draogn Soul' (Now there's a guy who really needed autotuning).
Dear Twilight Sparkle:
Well, why do you think we even have cutie marks?
Also, I believe these little fillies, with their limited brainpower and incredible determination, could make for useful slave labor once we can convince them that it is their path to their Cutie Marks
Your faithful
tyrantprincess, Celestia.P.S.: I
hatelike those. It'sa good thingtoo bad you never obtained a musical Cutie markYou forgot "Applejack commits incestia"
Those lyrics...
God yes.
~Skeeter The Lurker
BEST FUCKING LYRICS EVER
celestia will probably going to tell twilight to ask phoenix wright. cause he's the best she knows
That should be a rap song
3823879 wow is that a reference to pheonix wright : Turnabout storm. that one fanfic where Twilight gets pheonix to help her with rainbow dash's murder case?
Who says it is for a leg? Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Say no more, say no more.
KBO.