Twilight Sparkle is being sent to Ponyville to learn about friendship. She's not happy about it.
Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
Just For Sidekicks
Dear Princess Celestia,
You suck. I hate you. I mean I really, really hate you. The fact that my whole life has been nothing but slaving away for the most unappreciative cunt ever is entirely your fault. Why the hell do potential students for your school have to hatch dragon eggs anyway? And why are they not then taken and properly cared for? Why are they forced into serving their students? Or, is that just me? Certainly wouldn't surprise me. It would only make my existence even more pathetic and meaningless.
Also, I need help. My tongue is out of control. Is there some kind of Tongues Anonymous support group around here? Because it's keeping me from baking my jewel cake. So Twilight and the others are going to the Crystal Meth Empire to welcome the Head of the Equestria Games. I didn't get invited to come along, and I have no idea why. After all, I was the one who saved the Crystal Heart and thus, their entire empire.
So after an entire afternoon of critter-sitting headaches, not to mention Zecora giving one of my gems to a Filly Scout and not even getting any cookies in return, Angel hops on the train to the Crystal Meth Empire, forcing me to keep the Crusaders from jumping into a lake and giving up another gem for tickets. After they got out of control again, I had to give another rider my second to last gem. Roast rabbit is sounding really good right about now.
But then I was hit with an epiphany. Angel was desperate to get back to Fluttershy because she cared for him. She loved him. Applejack, Pinkie, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Rainbow all care for and love their pets. And here I was, ignoring their needs like Twilight constantly ignores my needs.
So I guess I have to keep trying to figure out a way to seriously hurt Twilight and make it look like an accident, then make a break for it.
Either that or I'll kill myself.
Forever a slave,
Spike
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Make for the hills Spike
Just push her down the stairs. That should do the job... I suppose you could lock her in the Libary and set it on fire, that might work too.
2177321
Probably shouldn't have just said that in a letter Spike. Kind of defeats the purpose of making it look like an accident.
Though maybe he guesses Celestia is too big of a shit to care.
Spike, you eat gems. They're going to a place made of crystals. The fact that you didn't try eating the ponies or their homes the first time is nothing short of a miracle.
Patients Spike, patients, just remember that you are a Buckmothering Dragon. Give it a century or so and you can eat her. (take that whichever way you want.)
Also you bring up an excellent point. He did save the Empire, Why didn't he get invited?
2177329
you forget one thing...
teleporting.
Silly Spike. You know Twilight would find you. Find you and make you suffer.
Fax Machine's not very smart is he. Trash Princess Celestia first and then ask for her help?
Dear princess Cadance
Way to fail
-Spike
Spike is her slave till twilight dies...and considering what happens in 2 episodes that will be forever
Fax machines... never appreciated.
2177436
Technically, she died when the elements of harmony were used on her. Part of apotheosis.
2177329 With his fire, wouldn’t he teleport the library somewhere?
Aaah, another day, time to harass Fax Machine.
*Goes out of library*
media.steampowered.com/apps/tf2/blog/pyromania/pyroland_10_large.jpg
WHERE THE F*CK AM I!?
Pyro: MMMMPH MMMMPH!
When i get your scaly ass Fax Machine... I am gonna order a used septic tank!
You know Spike why don't you just run away like you did once before. I'm sure Pinkie Pie or Fluttershy would love to look after you or maybe even Applejack as long as you don't break anything.
Also it looks like Wabbit Season starts early this year.
Dear Spike:
You suck too. And I can't help you. I need to maintain the dragon slave trade going
Forever a slaver, Princess Celestia
Poor
Fax MachineSpikeSpike Machine.Well Spike, your teeth are already strong enough to chew up rock. I'm sure if you could just roast and eat Twilight, then tell everyone your draconic instincts took over and demanded meat that Twilight refused to give you, everyone would buy it. Who knows, Celestia might make you Rarity's slave!
2177345 He wasn't invited because the Element Bearers had a job to do. Spike will be invited when the Equestria Games actually take place.
Heh. Finally a letter from Spike. ...Maybe that happened before but I can't remember. Anyways. Short, incredibly bitchy, and amusing. Just another day in the office.
2179973
At the very least, he could say she ran off and, as things look, nobody would care
2177329
Wait till she's asleep, put one of those restraint-things on her horn, and then slit her throat. To get rid of the evidence, turn her into meatloaf. Mmmm...meatloaf...
Dear Spike:
No one cares.
Signed:
Everyone.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2179368
Dear Celestia,
Prepare to die.
Your Despiser
ASOK
P.S wwwdelivery.superstock.com/WI/223/1538/PreviewComp/SuperStock_1538R-60855.jpg
funatzoo.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Middle-finger-funny-saying.jpg
2177321 Run and don't you EVER come back.
Poor Spike.
3751453 And leave a bomb in Twilight's favorite book.
Well, that was dark.
Emo Fax Machine for the win!
KBO.
3668503 I care.