Last time on Jak and Daxter the Equestian front Twilight went ape shit. Nuff said.
Jak looks out the door that Twilight had just left, still on his back. “What just happened?”
“Well, you see, Jak,” Daxter says. “That is what we in the dating world like to call scoring.”
Jak looks over at Daxter scathingly. “You don't say.”
The Cutie Mark Crusaders stand mutely to the side, watching the exchange with amusement written plainly on their faces.
“And what are you three smirking at?” Jak asks in a playful tone.
“Oh, nuthin',” Applebloom replies. “So, uh, before you go back to Twilight's do ya wanna help us try to get our cutie marks?”
“Uh, sure,” Jak says, confused by the change of subject. “Where are we going?”
~(Spongebob Narrator Voice) Ten Minutes Later~
“The Everfree Forest!” Scootaloo yells.
“The Everfree Forest?” Jak asks.
“The Everfree Forest!” the three fillies yell in unison.
“Are you sure girls? I've seen what lives in that forest.”
“We know, too,” Sweetie Belle says. “How else are we going to get out cutie marks for creature catching?”
“C-creature catching?” Jak asks, thinking about the timberwolves.
“Creature catching!” the three yell in unison again.
Jak sighs. “What have I gotten myself into?”
The four ponies and the Ottsel make their way into the forest. The three fillies seem to know where they are going so Jak let's them lead. After walking for ten minutes they come upon a small hut. From inside they can hear somepony singing.
What a beautiful day in this neighborhood.
What a beautiful day for a neighborhood .
Will you be mine?
What a neighborly day in this beautyhood.
What a beautiful day for a neighbor.
Will you be mine?
Will you be my neighbor?
Jak's ears flatten against his head as he listens to the grating masculine voice.
“That doesn't sound like Zecora,” Sweetie Belle says.
“Let's find out who it is,” Scootaloo says.
“Cutie Mark Crusader pony finder outers! Yay!” they yell in unison. “Wait that didn't sound right.”
“Oh, some ponies seem to be outside the door," the voice inside the hut says. “I wonder who they might be.”
The door to the hut opens to reveal a pony standing there. Actually he only resembles a pony in stature. He had stripes all along his body. On his forehead was a horn. Atop his head rested a black fedora. He smiled at the four ponies. “Well hello there, young ones and, uh, slightly older one. How may I help you?”
“We were actually looking for Zecora,” Applebloom says.
“Ah, yes, Zecora. She is a dear friend of mine. I'm sorry to say I don't see her that often, but when we do meet, it is all great fun.”
“Who are you?” Scootaloo asks a little aggressively.
“I,” the stallion says, “am Dirty Bit. I am a Zebracorn. Not many of us still exist after the genocide of The Democratic Republic of the Condor in Zebrica. The Griffins nearly wiped us out. My grandparents were able to flee to Equestria, however. Expository background aside, may I invite you in?”
“That would be nice,” Jak replies with a nod. He lets the girls go in first before following, still wary of the stranger.
As the four ponies, Ottsel, and Zebracorn sit down at a small round table, Dirty Bit uses his magic to set tea onto the table. “I seem to be at a disadvantage. You five know my name, but I have no idea who you are.” He tilts his head, making it a question.
“Ah'm Applebloom!”
“I'm Sweetie Belle!”
“I'm Scootaloo!”
“I'm Daxter!”
“My name is Jak.”
“And together we are THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS! YAY!” the three fillies and Daxter shout in unison.
Dirty bit chuckles to himself. “The Cutie Mark Crusaders, eh?”
“Yessir!” Applebloom yells. “We are a group of ponies by ponies for ponies who want to get their cutie marks.”
“Well you know what they say: you can do anything in the garden of your mind.”
“Huh?” Scootaloo says confusedly. “What's that?”
“Well, you see...”
The six sit and talk for an hour before the front door opens and another Zebra enters.
“Zecora!” the three fillies run to her and give her a hug, which she returns warmly.
“Well, hello there, my little fillies. What brings you to my part of the Everfree?”
“We came to see if you could help us get our cutie mark in creature catching!”
“Alas, I cannot. These creatures are too dangerous for you lot.”
“But we have Jak with us.”
Zecora looks up and notices Jak sitting at the table with Dirty Bit. "I'm sorry. I did not see you there. It is a pleasure to meet one so fair.”
Jak blushes slightly at the compliment but takes it in stride. The pleasure is mine Miss Zecora.”
Due to the author's unwillingness to write more rhymes, the conversation lapses into comfortable small talk. Finally Jak looks at the clock. “Crap, I need to be at Twilight's in half an hour. Come on girls. It's time to go.”
“Awww,” the girls moan, but get up anyway. With hurried yet warm goodbyes, the four ponies and the Ottsel make there way out of the hut and eventually out of the Everfree.
“Ah wish we could have stayed longer,” Applebloom says gloomily.
“Yeah,” Scootaloo replies, “but we don't want Jak to get punished, do we?”
Sweetie Belle shakes her head. “Nuh-uh.”
Jak drops the girls back off at their club house before heading towards Twilight's house. He approaches the door slowly, fearing what awaits him inside. He slowly turn the door handle and opens the door. Sensing no immediate danger, he opens the door fully to let himself in, only to be hit in the face by a flying saucepan.
“You're late!”
I'm out on a limb but I'm assuming that you spent over 20 minutes staring at your monitor trying to think of lines for zecora. I know I would.
2077683 I started out doing that before the chapter but then said buck it. They just came to me at those points. it might also help that i write the lyrics for my bands songs
Uuuuh time turner/doctor whooves?
2077805 lol nope
2077805 darn
2077825 yep and new rule. only one guess per person
2077836BARZUL
The last part made me think of Fullmetal Alchemist. Twilight just pulled a Winry Rockbell on poor Jak
2077842 no. no inheritance cycle for you
2077847 never seen it
2077864 Ah A fellow reader well mett good sir
2077886 yes well met
Ouch poor jak
2078006 he cant get a break can he
MOAR!
2081516 and so he returns
2081581
Ok, I'll edit in just a sec...but I'm going to say have to say Derpy is your fav background pony.
2081930 sorry no. she is a close second though
2081947 *tosses chair out window* I WAS SO CLOSE!!
2082040 lol maybe next one
I'm going to guess either mr. rodgers or freddy krueger
2082161 yes it was a mr rogers reference
2082184
Just spent about 30 min editing to which I finally finish...and accidentally did something to take me off the page...I'll get right. back. on it. *grits teeth*
...Let's do this over again shall we
(The for ponies and the Ottsel make their way into the forest.) For----four...one, two, three...for?
(Will you be mine.) It's a question so I'm going to say replace period with question mark.
(“Oh, some ponies seem to be outside the door, the voice inside the hut says.) Quotation marks after "door,"
(I am a zebracorn.) "zebracorn" be capitalized because Griffin is.
(As the four ponies, Ottsel and zebracorn sit down at a small round table,) Comma after "Ottsel"
(You five know my name, but I have no idea who you are?”) Not a question...but 'dere's a question mark...*shrugs*
(“Well you know what they say. You can do anything in the garden of your mind.”) Remove period, add comma, and lowercase "You" please. Or remove period, lowercase "You" and add ' <---- in the beginning and end of the saying.
(“Well, hello there, my little fillies. What brings you to my part of the Everfree?”)......................................I think I just exploded on the inside...this has to be your biggest mistake so far...this is the. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING.....................Ze......Zecora *pukes a little* Zecora didn't........SHE DIDN'T RHYME
(I did not see you there. It is a pleasure to meet one so fair.”) Open quotation marks before the sentence.
(Jak blushes slightly at the compliment but takes it in stride. The pleasure is mine Miss Zecora.”) It's...it's da same dang problem ^, but after "stride."
Loved the chapter, and it got better as I read it a second time! Very well done story as always, but you only had minor flaws except.....THAT one *pukes*
DJ-Pon3 approved
2082381 that one is a rhyme. it is indirect rhyme
2083501 Well I guess it's just not the type of rhyme I'm used to with Zecora... sorry
2086914 Its all good
Judging by your love for Applejack, your decision to make Jak an earth pony, and your OC not mentioned as having a horn nor wings, I would guess that your favorite background pony is an earth pony, correct?
2087636 wrong
Does that still count toward my guess?
Is it Lyra?
Please be Lyra please be Lyra please be Lyra please be Lyra...
2090681 Ding Ding Ding we have a winner
2090681 pm me your oc's attributes
HOLY CRAP!!! I'VE NEVER WON ANYTHING THIS IMPORTANT IN MY LIFE!!!
i1.ytimg.com/vi/Dgosi8Mp41Q/hqdefault.jpg
Lol God damn it Daxter. XD . I just love how he shouted "we are the cutie mark crusaders" lol
Fucking Daxter you gotta love that nigga
2077847 dat SHOW!
What do you think JAk's Cutie Mark would be?
5289687 I would imagine an Eco crystal
Good chapter 👍