Dollars switched off nightvision mode as he walked to the other side of the container. His partner, Jake, was waiting for him, standing just inside the container. Neither of the two men could see each others' faces in full HEAVI(Hazardous Environment Advanced Vector Impact) armor suits. But they didn't need to; it was obvious they both knew what the other was thinking. Just one was a bit quieter about it.
"FUCK," Dollars exclaimed, his first line in the story and an apt one at that. "This HAS to be the right crate. It's got the ONI insignia on it. But our stuff is gone."
Jake said nothing. Through his polarized visor, D-man could tell he was staring back at him. Staring knowingly. Disappointedly.
Dollars looked back at him and, engaging in a battle of silence the junior helljumper knew he would lose. "Just gonna do the 'Silent Bob' treatment on every mission? We're not even on active duty right now. And this WASN'T my fault."
Before Jake could say anything, or continue not saying anything, a chainsaw began sawing through the other side of the container. The cut board fell inward, landing a couple feet from where Jake and Dollars were standing. Another pair of armor-clad troopers stepped inside, but the ODST duo did not recognize them. Neither did the new arrivals recognize the troopers from the Halo universe.
The two new soldiers, Damon Baird and Fiona Carmine, were wearing party hats. And they were carrying a large freshly-caught marlin wearing Aquaman's clothes.
"Uhh..." Baird started, glancing at his companion, and then said "Uhhh....we'll come back another time." The two COG soldiers then left with their fish.
Dollars did a double-take between the hole and his partner. "Who the fuck were they?!"
Dan fired at the train again and again with the random, constantly-changing shotgun. Unfortunately, some of the rounds were completely ineffective against the train; sometimes, it fired cupcakes or streamers. However, it was a big enough distraction that the Doctor was able to drive Rarity up to the train and let her hop on. After that, Rarity was able to easily teleport the Team Rocket Grunts off the train.
"Aaahhh!" *BLAM* Dan shot one as he fell, setting the grunt aflame before he landed in the snow.
Doctor Whooves ducked as another hapless Team Rocket henchman was flung off the train. "Are we absolutely sure we're not killing anyone?!"
"Relax, Doctor! This story's still rated Everyone!"
"This story hasn't been rated "Everyone" in a months!!"
"Oh," Dan said. "Well... they'll be fine," he added, shooting one out of the air and then deliberately running him over, causing the grunt's screams to be drowned out by the immediately-following crunch of bone... and face.
Looking back over his shoulder, the Doctor saw the whole thing. "What do you call that, exactly?! That's PRECISELY what I'm talking-" and more crunching noises interrupted him as Doctor Whooves himself ran completely over an anime criminal. "Oh feck..."
"EYES ON THE ROAD, LIME-LORD!"
The Doctor shook his head. "I'm not even sure who you're insulting any more."
Dan drove alongside him. "Don't you mean 'Whooves?'" he asked, grinning.
"No. No, I don't. And you should feel horrible for saying that."
Dan continued grinning. "I don't~"
Rarity, being the only one with her head in the game, suddenly appeared in front of Doctor Whooves. The two of them then vanished in a blue flash of her magic. She then appeared in front of Dan, gently put her hooves on both of his hands and teleported him as well. When they reappeared, they were inside of the train car Dan had been shooting at.
"Ah, that worked out well. Commendable job as always, Rarity."
"Thank you, Dan," she said, wiping the sweat from her forehead. "It's not easy, though, when I'm trying my best not to hurt them."
Both Dan and Doctor looked at her with a bit of a 'wut' face. "You stabbed like... twenty guys when you first showed up," Dan said.
"Also, we ran over at least two... possibly more," Doctor Whooves said.
Dan nodded. "Yeah, I guess we kill people now."
"Yeah, I guess we kill people now." ~ Dan
How this story apparently rectified its own violent shift in content. Brought to you by Dan.
"Whatever. It's only Team Rocket, anyway."
And as if on cue, another Team Rocket Grunt entered the train car, weapon drawn. And the moment he had entered the train car, his neck was immediately snapped by a ninja-teleporting Rarity.
"Dear gods, woman! Are you just compelled now to-" Dan smacked the Doctor in the face. "OW!"
"Doctor, you NEVER refer to a lady as 'woman' in that tone," Dan said.
Eyes closed, Whooves rubbed his cheek. "I... apologize. I would like to remind you both that I am... not quite myself right now."
"It's fine, Doctor," Rarity said. "And Dan, the point is, we're safe."
"Yes. On an armored freight train full of armed criminals. Safe as can be," Dan said, kneeling down. "Fortunately, I am quite myself right now. And safety is one of my specialties." He rose carrying the body of the Team Rocket Grunt.
"What... what are you going to do with that man?"
Dan stared straight ahead. "I'm going to perform a safety inspection. Stay behind me."
"You're going to beat everyone to death with that corpse, aren't you?" Whooves asked.
"Dan, darling, that's a bit much even for you."
"Dan, you can't beat everyone to death with a dead body and even as I'm saying it, I'm watching you march off to do exactly that, because you won't listen, will you? No, you don't ever listen to anyone if it's something you're absolutely sure you want to do, and I know this isn't the time to object but really, have we lost abandoned absolutely ALL decency? I mean, are we really at the point where we've been doing this for so long that we've just forgotten all restraint?"
As he finished his series of run-on sentence commentary, like he does sometimes, the Doctor realized he was alone in the rear train car. A moment later, Rarity appeared in front of him.
"We haven't forgotten all restraint, Doctor," she said, urging him forward. "We've thrown it out the window... quite literally."
"Quite," Whooves said, frowning. They followed Dan, stepping carefully over some of the carnage already laid down and in full anticipation of having to step over more very soon.
Still having family troubles. I'm sleeping on a couch and not living at home right now so, shit's tough. Short update this week and probably next week, this was not intentional.
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Hehehe, another well done chapter, Baroo, good show!
And troubles at home? Whew... that sucks man, but I hope you can pull through, dude! //hug
Dont Procrastinate, Procrustinate.
In the list of things to do, Health, survival, shelter, income, the story comes well down the list. Unless its your Patreon thats paying for digs, then the backers should remember Live Aid.
I wonder how accurate Rarity is at detecting the extremely pressure sensitive crystaline compound used in the detonation caps in firearms and other explosive weapons? Then applying her telekinesis to those crystals?
Have no fear the Lioness is here! And if Team Rocket don’t like it they can kiss mah rear! Too much?
A new chapter means it’s ~Sunday~ now lemme see n’ere *dons reading glasses*
Yup, they’re straight up killin’ people now ... no judgements from me! You can’t tell me no Team a Rocket (or any other evil henchman) grunt has never died in the line of evil-doing in Pokémon? ... granted probably not that many but c’mon! Pokémon Diamond and Pearl? The crazy sob Archie? That dude is dead! Seriously that guy tried to control the Pokémon equivalent of Satan and that guy died for thinking he could! ... okay rant over, I’m good
Yowzer, Rarity is good! Don’t mess with a lady who works in fashion, cos she has some razor-sharp moves ... Dammit Doc, get with the program or we’ll swap you out for a party member with a stronger stomach! Did we ever get Discord back or do we need more EXP to unlock him again?
Phew, that is everything I loved (most) about this week’s chapter and I’ll be eagerly awaiting the next, whenever that may be.
Let me just say I’m truly sorry for the difficulties you’re going through right now. You still manage to keep writing (and brightening my week every time you do), and please know it means so much that you keep doing it despite your own troubles. It means a lot and I’m grateful you keep doing it, though please know I would understand if you couldn’t update every week. As much as I love Dan, Flufflepuff and Friends real life must come first.
Like always thanks for making my weekend and I’ll see you ~next time~
Your Eternal Fan =^_^=
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Thank you guys for the kind words. I will continue updating every week and it always means so much to me that you read and enjoy this crazy adventure story. Love you all very much, you're da best.
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I love you guys. I do. I would still be updating this story every single week, every Saturday no matter what. But to see you guys comment every time, to just see you guys here... it makes me happy to do so. I would still do it, but the difference is, with you guys, it's actually worth it. It's more than just something I promised to do. It's something I want to do. It's something worth doing. Because YOU are worth it.
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You were supposed to be tagged in the previous comments I made instead of Booster twice. You da man
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S'all good famalam, you keep on stayin strong homie :D
You fools! If you start killing indiscriminately, you lose any protection against death yourselves!