Eventually, Dan found a shovel. While it was still important for them to fix the cannon, everybody took a few moments to watch Dan to see if he could actually shoot down the author. They gathered around at the edge of the tower while he apparently got ready.
They had all questioned Dan's actions before. His methods, his goals, everything about him that either didn't seem to have a reason or had the wrong reason, they had questioned. In spite of all his flaws and faults, Twilight, Phoenix, Cap, they all had learned to trust Dan. Not through blind faith or desperation did they follow him, but because he fought for them. And he could do the impossible.
That left them with but one option left.
"Fifty bits on Dan! Who's taking?"
"Oh, I'm in on that."
"Give me seventy on Barro!"
"Put me down for forty bits on Dan."
"This is a comb."
"I'm good for it."
"This isn't even a good comb."
"Can you raise me a good comb, maybe?"
"No."
Donkeys, griffons, ponies and others joined in the betting pool. None of them were from Equestria; they all happened to be in other places when they got word the world was ending. Most were either Badlanders or outlaws. For the moment at least, they were all allies. What little money each of them carried, many were now choosing to gamble.
Resting, Twilight rested her head on her forelegs as she watched Dan. "Whaddaya think Dan's odds are?"
"I could not begin to guess, dearest Twilight," Rarity said, resting as well. "I don't see how Dan is going to duel Barro if one is on the ground and the other is in space."
"Given the known variables, Dan's chances of successfully disabling Barro's craft are seven-hundred and ninety-six-thousand, four-hundred and forty-two to one."
"Put me down for another hundred on Barro!"
"All you have is a comb!"
"How about two combs?"
"YOU ONLY HAVE ONE!"
"I'm good for it."
"Fuck off."
"Never tell me the odds!" Dan shouted from down below. "Unless I specifically tell you to tell me the odds. In that case, you can tell me the odds, when I ask you. But if I don't wanna know, I don't wanna know. So never tell me the odds!"
He yelled this all while digging. His plan apparently involved a rather large hole, which he dug in the center of the Bursavis complex.
"You need any help, Dan?" Phoenix asked.
"I got it, Nicky, thanks."
Cap, Chris, Tuxley and Reginald kept a lookout while the others took a break.
"Would either sirs like to take part in the latest wager?" Reginald asked, the slightest hint of a smile on his face. In truth, he was trying to distract himself from the fact he was the only crystal pony not currently inside the Crystal Heart itself.
"No, thank you, Reginald," Tuxley replied. "Gentlemen, if I may pose a conundrum to you."
"Shoot," Chris said.
He turned to them and removed his top hat. "It's what the Director, Cleo said pertaining to our... roles, so to speak."
"What she said about survivors, you mean?" Cap asked. The dinosaur nodded. Cap folded his arms. "I can understand what she wanted. She wanted to learn how we could endure so much in order to help the ponies endure."
"Yeah, this isn't exactly the first time everything's all gone to hell in my book," Chris interjected. "If you're worried about survivor's guilt, well, we all go through that our own way. We all find ways to cope."
Tuxley shook his head. "It's not that."
"Sir?"
"Well, if she wanted to learn from us, she could've simply asked. Obviously, she wanted us to teach by example, to demonstrate. And this was a massive test for us all," Tuxley explained.
"Yes, if everything was part of a grand plan for her then..." Cap was thinking out loud but part of him started to feel uncomfortable as he followed the train of thought. And Tuxley noticed this.
"If she was wanting for us to teach others, and in fact build a better Equestria, the Director would have had to have some way to record this. Or someone," Tuxley explained.
"Or somepony," Reginald clarified.https://youtu.be/CJSZm0siRCw
"Does this seem like-"
"A trap."
"DAN!" The four started shouting over the side of the tower. "DAN, STOP!!"
But Dan was too deep into his second hole to hear them. Two holes, not quite right next to each other, one could only guess as to what he was doing with them.
Twilight, however, was within earshot. "What's going on?"
"We think this might be another trap," Cap said quickly.
"Since when ISN'T it a trap?" Twilight asked. A little tired and a little overconfident, she braced her shoulders against the ledge. "Equestria has been destroyed, the whole planet is next, what could possibly happen to us next?"
"We think," Cap began.
"That maybe," Chris added.
"Killing Barro," Reginald continued.
"Might erase us all from existence," Tux finished.
Twilight frowned. "That's been the concern from the beginning. Yes, I know, we're taking a big risk but he IS trying to kill us first. We don't know for sure, but we're hoping for the best. Okay guys?"
Tuxley swallowed first, followed by the rest of them. "We think-"
"Don't do that again. Just spit it out."
"The Director might've known about this; she might've been counting on it."
Twilight's eyes widened. "Oh... DAN!!"
"DAN!!"
Twilight joined everyone in shouting over the side of the balcony. Until Cap tapped her shoulder and said, "You know, you could just fly down or teleport to him, right?" She zapped down to him instantly. Not knowing which hole he was currently digging in, she stuck her head in the nearest one and yelled, "DAN!"
And was hit in the face with dirt.
"Hey Twilight. No, no helping; I said I was going to take down Barro alone, didn't I?"
"Dan," she wiped the dirt off with a magic squeegee spell, "It's a trap."
He popped his head out of the ground. "WHO TOLD YOU?!?!?!"
"No, not what you're do- wait, is that what it is?"
"Uhhh- uh, no. That's not what this is at all. Now, go back to the tower and wait with the others. Just be warned: the first two rows are a splash zone~" he said with a delightfully sinister grin.
"Splash zone? Dan, seriously, we think the Director WANTS you to kill Barro."
Dan popped out again. "How in the squeeing squee does she even DO this kind of crap?"
Twilight levitated Dan out of the hole. "Barro's writing this story. Like, right now, as we're talking."
Still hovering, he folded his arms. "I get that. And if the guy writing the story dies, no story. That's just the THEORY, though, mind you."
She shook her head. "The Fausticorn needed a physical avatar in this universe to create Equestria. The same logic could apply to Barro."
Dan's eyes widened. "He might need a physical avatar in order to record what's happening. To keep writing, to keep going, the pony Barro has to keep watching. Which he's been doing... this... whole... time..."
A door slammed open. Doctor Whooves came galloping out. "I got it! I don't know how, but I was able to get the railway pieces you wanted! Is this going to be enough?"
"Slow down, Doctor," Dan said as Twilight levitated him down.
"What is all this for? Don't we need the rails for the cannon?"
"We're just borrowing a couple of pieces so we can kill Barro. Borrow... Barro. Barrow... yeah," Dan said.
"Question, is he not the one penning the entirety of our existence?"
Dan nodded. "As we are talking, yes."
He looked back and forth between Twi and Dan. "Wouldn't it be, um, bad then, for him to be um... harmed? Incapacitated? Murdered in some such manner like you're planning on doing?"
Dan rolled his eyes. "MAYBE... I DON'T KNOW."
"Can you repeat the question?"
"Don't." Dan took a step back, frustrated. Frustrated in so many ways, it was frustrating him thinking of the amount of things frustrating him, which added to the amount of things frustrating him. He thought about where he fit in with things. He was used to people being fascinated with him for whatever reason. Usually, he thought it was creepy, but it was also nice having someone document his story. Saved him the trouble of doing it himself.
The sky was clouded high above them. It was like the sand underfoot was streaming up into the horizon, countless grains flowing in a river overhead. Below, him on the ground standing, immovable, his friends around him following his methods in their own ways. The shovel in his hand, a tool.
Real in one world, opposite in another, and the will to change them.
That, and convenience.
Dan shrugged. "Well, you brought the stuff so might as well try this out." He grabbed the railroad pieces off of the Doctor's back.
Twilight and Doctor exchanged frowns. "Just when you think he's going to make this profound, life-changing decision, you realize he's doing it because he's lazy."
"Things will work out, Doc. And if they don't, we'll MAKE them work out," Dan said, which was profound enough. He grabbed the railway pieces and threw them in the hole.
"How?"
"We'll figure that part out later." He jumped back down into the hole, Twilight levitated the shovel over it and he grabbed it.
After a few more minutes of digging, Dan was ready. He hopped back out of the hole again, dirty, bruised but triumphant. "Alright, I'm ready to go. We're ready to kill the author."
"What's next? Killing the audience?" Whooves asked.
Dan smiled at the camera. "Maybe."
"Dan," glared Twilight. "They haven't even done anything." She then added with a bright Twilight smile, "Except lovingly support us!" The fourth wall was shown no mercy in this chapter. Turning back to Dan, she concluded by saying, "They haven't done anything to piss you off."
"Some of them have. Others, matter of time. But we'll get to them later my purple apprentice. For now, it's time to terminate a broadcast. By terminating a broadcaster." He pulled out his cell phone and called me.
When everythings gone down the tubes, Dans built a blast shot U Bend.
Return To Sender?
Dan, I just wanted to say, I haven't gotten around to watching your show yet. It would be a shame if I were to kick the bucket before I got the chance. Just saying.
Cursing Arceus straight to the Distortion World, sorry I'm late Dan-tastic Author (got too comfy on a a comfy place and ended up dozing off), had I known a splash zone was involved I would've been here early (minus my Rotom Phone of course)! So with that in mind: a new chapter means it's ~Sunday~ now let me see n'ere *reasong glasses in place and go!*
... Either I missed a chapter or I forgot what happened last time, why is Dan trying to kill the author?! No author means no more chapters, no more chapters means Dan and Friends will never be reunited and that means my weekend will be a lot less fun (and they're already less fun as it is)!
But Dan always does what's right ... but I can't support the attempted brutalising/murder of the author ... But it's Dan ... he wants to make Barro go bye-bye ... argh someone tell me how to feel about this! I don't trust myself!
I'll take my mind off this with my Favourite Quotes:
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You'll find out soon enough, my dear Lady. Good to see you as always. You are very special my dear, wear a facemask and clean it, be sure to wash your hands thoroughly and try to stay inside. You are important to me. If you weren't I wouldn't have taken the time to say all this! So please, stay safe and make sure you do all those things!
Also, you might consider wearing some glasses over your eyes, wraparounds. The eye is a mucus membrane, too and you can get infected through that vector as well. I make sure to wear a mask and sunglasses whenever I go outside. Honestly, I'd be wearing a hazmat suit if I could.
10202767
Thank you for the kind words as always Barro and for the advice, I’ve become good friends with Carex since this mess started (my area’s brand) in the past few weeks, I feed the neighbourhood cats our cats’ leftovers so I’ve learned to wash every time I feed them. I can avoid humans easily enough but I can’t ignore a cute kitty and let it go without a lovey-pat!
But ... Dan won’t really kill Barro will he? Cos the story will end if he does! ... And how the heck did Michael (try to) place that bet when he’s back on the moon?!
Haha many thanks for the message and stay safe Dearest Barro, your weekly updates always lift my spirits and it means a lot that you continue to do so.
Your Eternal Fan 💙^_^💙
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I understand your need to deliver pets to good kitties. I want a cat myself. One that can talk and also do magic and turn itself into a watch and be my sidekick...
But anyway, I'm not going to spoil anything more, dear Lady. Let me just say that I've had a long time to think about things and I think everybody is going to be surprised.
This feels like a 'i need scissors, 61' moment.