Somewhere in the Frozen North
The ice and snow whipped around the Flutterbird. In actuality, the wings of the gunship were blasting the blizzard-like winds away from the area it hovered over, creating a clearing in the snow. Pitch dark again, the lights of the vehicle illuminated the powdery-white surface below. The side hatch of the Flutterbird opened and Dan came tumbling out.
"AAAAAHHH!" He hit the snow face first. "Y-yo-yo-YOU ARE INS-SANE!! You're all INS-S-SANE!!"
Zeal braced his hoof on the side of the aircraft. "This is the coldest part of Equestria," he declared to Dan. "If you are exposed for more than a minute, you will die a very slow and painful death." He closed the hatch.
"YOU'RE A MAD MAN!! MAAAAAAADDD!! AAAAAAAAAAGHH!!" The Flutterbird flew away with Dan shouting at it, leaving him alone in the cold darkness of the frozen tundra. "W-W-WHEN I G-G-GET OUT OF H-HERE, I'M GONNA K-KILL Y-YOU! K-K-KILL YO-YOU ALL!!!"
Dan's training was exactly like that. Over the course of a few days, Zeal would take Dan and leave him in the middle of some place inhospitable and expect him to make it out alive. If Dan failed, he would be forced to do it over. The only goal was to survive. He was never completely alone, even though it seemed like it. Several zebras from Zen Zeal's legions were always nearby, watching, monitoring him. They were seeing how he progressed and learned and were also there to keep any real harm from befalling him. They didn't help him in any way except by keeping him alive.
True to his nature, Dan learned and adapted quickly. He was left at the top of a barren mesa in Donquestria, tossed off a boat in the middle of the monster-infested Wild Sea, locked in a locker at a train station in Dodge City, strapped to a handcart heading towards a cliff, tied to a tree near the mouth of an erupting volcano, thrown into the caves of the Badlands and dumped in a sewer in Detrot. Each time, Dan eventually triumphed over each challenge and was then made to redo it until Zeal was satisfied. Usually, not until after Dan was enraged beyond rational thought.
"This will be your last task."
"Oh, gee, too bad," Dan said. "And to think, the only souvenirs we'll have are the cactus needles, tranquilizer darts and various other things that have been jabbed into me over the past couple of days. What sweet memories." Dan looked around. He appeared to be in some sort of kitchen. "This a cooking challenge, or something?"
"No," Zen said. "As before, your only task is to survive."
Dan looked down at himself. He was wearing a uniform, apron, rubber gloves and hairnet. "Kitchen duty? Really? THAT'S my final challenge?"
Zen nodded. "You are scheduled for an eight-hour shift including two ten-minute breaks and a half-hour lunch."
"The old nine-to-five grind, eh? Can practically do that in my sleep. Actually did, once. How many times am I going to have to do this?"
"Once."
"Once?" Dan repeated. Zen turned and walked out the backdoor of the kitchen. "Just one time? Really? Easy! Heck, I'll even take minimum wage hours! And I'm not even working the register? This is gonna be cake!"
Outside, Zen Zeal took one last look back at the restaurant he had left Dan at, the last challenge of his training. A large, unlit neon sign stood in the front of the parking lot, its sun-faded display visible from all sides as it rose, casting a shadow too small to offer even a compact car adequate shade. The colors and letters on the sign were faded, partly blackened from the poor construction and a burnt-out bulb dislodged by weather, still conveying the same message to those apathetic enough to want the fast food it represented that it did decades ago when it was installed. The name of the restaurant, still visible after all this time, read: Pollo Tropikale.
"You are a sick, sick zebra, General Zeal," Phoenix said.
"I know," Zeal said, making no effort to hide what he had done.
"That place has more health code violations than menu items!" Phoenix exclaimed.
"I... don't quite understand. What is a pollo?" Chrys asked.
"It's pronounced poy-yo. It's Spanish for chicken. But that place..." Phoenix shivered at the very thought of the fast food restaurant known as Pollo Tropikale. It evoked horrific images of food that should never be eaten, never prepared.
"Is it dangerous in there?" Twilight asked.
"AAAAAAAAAHHH!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH DEAR GAWD IT'S EVERYWHERE!! IT'S IN THE RICE!!!!!"
"In ways you could not imagine," Zeal answered. "The challenge has begun."
Since its creation in the late eighties, Pollo Tropikale had been responsible for more cases of food poisoning than any other fast food restaurant in history. Claiming to specialize in Caribbean-style and Latin American cuisine, the food consisted mostly of chicken, pork, beans and rice coated with citrus seasonings and pepper, then grilled. A traditional staple of many communities in the Caribbean and Central America, Pollo Tropikale was created to bring that unique style of cooking to a larger American audience. Its failure cannot be overstated.
The standards of Pollo Tropikale, if they had any to begin with, were truly atrocious. Their grilled chicken could be either undercooked, overcooked or a combination of both, marking the only instance of the scientific Hot Pocket-effect observed outside of a Hot Pocket or Boston Market rotisserie chicken. The restaurant did not store nor cook their food at the proper temperatures, hot-held(cooking and keeping the food under a heat lamp before serving) for far too long, and did very little to sanitize their working environment. The result was possibly the most disgusting place to work at, eat at or drive past.
Dan was well aware of the restaurant's reputation. Commonly located in lower-income areas, such as in the parking lots of Home Depot, Pollo Tropikale was frequented by unskilled laborers, immigrants and working-class individuals; Dan's people. Their more-hearty and rugged existence served them by giving them more intestinal fortitude in many cases, allowing them to actually eat what passed for food there without suffering much indigestion. The kind of person that drowns a meal in hot sauce and has a beer to wash it down. They usually pay for it later.
Eight hours later, Dan finished his shift.
Ponyville General Hospital, I.C.U. room 2
"The antibiotic treatment is working fine, but I'd like to keep him here for the night to be on the safe side."
"Thank you, doctor," Twilight said.
"How are you feeling, Dan?" Chrys asked.
"Fine. I think," Dan said. He couldn't really see at the moment; his eyes were swollen shut. Covered in bandages and an I.V. attached to him, Dan truly looked like he had been through a war.
"If it makes you feel any better, Zeal said he's going to give us more land now after this," Twilight said.
"I'm going to kill him if I ever see him again," Dan replied. Considering he couldn't see out of his eyes, though... they weren't sure what to make of that statement. "I don't understand it."
"What's that?"
"I didn't eat any of the food. How do I have a stomach infection?"
"Did you breath in the air?" Phoenix asked.
"Yeah."
Phoenix nodded. "That'd do it." (There's salmonella in the air at that place.)
Twilight decided it was time to have a word with the general. She stepped outside Dan's hospital room. Zeal was waiting for her.
"Wha-oh."
"Have him drink this." The general hoofed her a bottle of vibrant, purple-blue-green-indigo striped liquid.
"A potion? Oh, uh... thank you."
Zeal bobbed his head downward, what passed for a nod. "He will be prepared now for threats from without and within."
"So... it really was part of his training?" Twilight asked. "I'm sorry if I seem skeptical, but... how is this supposed to help him battle the king and queen?"
"Do you know how they will fight?" Zeal asked. "Do you know where the battle will be waged?"
"Well, no."
"If the legends are to be believed, the power of the monarchal alicorns is near-absolute. Possibly greater. You presume the war will be fought among the stars and that is where you plan to engage them. But a predictable enemy is a defeated enemy, and I doubt the king and queen shall be so predictable."
Twilight's eyes went wide in shock. "You... they could fight us anywhere." It was true; their plans up to this point were predicting the actions of the king and queen. It was true, they had known of the possibility they could bypass any orbital defense on the moon or with satellites the ponies planned on using. By positioning their forces in orbit, Equestria could better react. But what if the king and queen committed all their forces to a ground assault? It would force Dan and company to come to them.
"I do not claim to know magic the way ponies do, but I know war. This is our home, the entire planet, not just one nation or another. All are linked, and all are threatened. Now, Dan will know this world better than our enemies. Now, the homefield advantage is truly ours," Zeal said.
"So do you make all of your soldiers work at a crappy fast food restaurant?"
He nodded and shrugged. "At least I don't make them eat there."
"Fair enough." Twilight went back in the room to check on Dan. After he was discharged, they went out to Hayburger for hayburgers.
I wonder if Hayburger has the latest 4 second flash fryers? Or the 10 year egg sandwhiches?
So, did you have a bad experience at Pollo Tropikale, or is this more anecdotal?
10817519
Yes.
If winning the war against the alicorns means working at Pollo Tropikale, is the war worth winning?
10818349
Howard, I'm shocked at you. If we don't win the war against the Perfected(that's the name we're going with) and the Terrans, we may all be eating crappy, undercooked chicken and lukewarm rice and black beans.
10818740
That's a big plot point for the new antagonist. He's a douche and he wants his ball back.
A minute before midnight so it still counts!
BRB Pinkie Promise good author!
Huzzah, for I am here to keep my promise before this week’s Dan-tastic installment! Now let me see n’ere *dons reading glasses*
... Anyone else feel like even when the world is saved (until next Season) then Zeal will never be on Dan’s Christmas card list? (He’ll be on his Hit List but that was a given by this point)
... Why does this feel like the Equestrian (chicken) version of Burgerphile (only more gross)?
Now for my Favourite Quotes:
... This is either gonna be really gross or really even more gross ... wait, is this place the reason Dan left that “present” in the Paradise Estate bathroom?
Only Dan could do this without throwing up or passing out ... salmonella aside!
Not gonna lie, as uch as it sounds like something made for rabbits and guinea pigs I really wanna try a Hayburger!
And that’s everything I love (most) about this week's chapter and I’ll eagerly await the next-oh wait, it’s been posted already? The Yays have been doubled!
Awesome as always and I’ll see you ~next time~
Your Eternal Fan ^_^
10818937
Well in this version, the planet is Equestria(among other names including possibly Equus) and the country is the Royal Kingdom of Equestria. I've taken some liberties, even working on a new map.
10819088
Rice, for all his machinations was more of a loner out for revenge. His dogs, the alliances he made were all a means to an end. The betrayal of the Director was something he even expected, though did not know when it would occur. Cleo and Rice both thought they could use what the other wanted to manipulate one another. As far as the shadow organization goes, the GenoHaradan, they have always been there. They never belonged to Rice and have always been a faceless entity. Assassins that deal in the trade of events. Is Visor truly dead and gone? Were they ever?
As for Dan, he is still a captain of the guard. He pledged an oath, not something easily broken. The only people to truly accept him at his lowest, it's somewhat like Superman in his feeling that he needs to protect them. He feels guilty because he believes he did not deserve their acceptance, but he has proved he earned it. Is Dan a good person? Well, there is good in him, as there is good in all of us and he has done and is doing some good things. Not entirely selfish nor selfless are his actions. He's not something you can entirely peg down, analyze or identify. He simply is himself.
Now, you've entered Act 4. By the end of episode 25, at least some of your questions will be answered. Episode 26 will be the final revelation. There is only one way this story can end.
10819799
Ah, good point. As for how it can end and as stated in my most recent comment, Dan actually can beat the King and Queen by himself. All he really has to do is sneak up on them in their sleep and stab them through the brain. Slitting their throats gives them a little time to wake up and heal the injury, so through the eye it would probably have to be. Either that, or do it when they aren't paying attention to him while they're awake. Like, fake being on their side, and when he's beside and a bit behind one of them, shove a dagger into the eye of one of them. Then lather, rinse, and repeat when the second ruler shows up. Never never seeing something coming, whether it be through stealth or deception, has the potential to be one of the quickest and easiest ways to win a battle if done right.
10819972
The king and queen are still a mystery. Near-deity like, maybe more powerful. What do you call one that is so close to a god's power you can't tell the difference any longer? Their understanding of magic and life has surpassed even what they were designed for. They may have even surpassed the Fausticorn's own creative capabilities. No, he couldn't kill them in their sleep. These creatures can no longer be harmed by normal means.
If you recall Twilight's vision, it's also implied that the king and queen do not match everything in the legends about them. What we do know is that they command a kingdom in the stars, that they are duty-bound to protect Equestria, that they went searching for their creator and now, they have lost whatever love they had in their hearts. They searched the void, they conquered the void, they became the void.
10820284
Oh, huh. Well then...
10820433
Also thank you again, just for even giving the story a chance. It's been a very fun project and it belongs to all who enjoy it and these characters. There's a piece of this universe I've created if you want it.
10820566
No problem, and thanks! Well, if there's any one thing I'm hoping for, it's Dan vs. Sunset Shimmer or Dan vs. Equestria Girls: Rainbow Rocks. He's all about anger, hate, anarchy, and revenge, one of his personal favorite methods being through arson, I've heard, whether it's lighting a house/building or a person on fire. Something just tells me that he'd be meaner than Sunset Shimmer ever was-a meeting that I'd pay money to see-and that he'd also have quite a few antics with the Sirens. Also, I can totally see Phoenix dating a/the Siren(s), or at least one or more of them hitting on him.
10820629
It's not often a new person has the patience and tenacity to read through all I've written so far. Over a million words. No easy task to read or write. So, you've earned a special hint. And because I believe in sharing, you've earned it for the rest of the audience, too, so here it is right here.
It all goes back to the first episode. Twilight and Spike returned home after the first movie. What if when they came out of the mirror, they came back into a different Equestria? What if they weren't the only ones?
What if this version of Equestria had a destiny, a destiny tied to a certain character, but they didn't like it? What if they couldn't accept it? What if they would do anything they possibly could to change it, to make something new?
What if it was more than one character? What if they all wanted something they couldn't have, wanted something better? But Equestria couldn't give it to them. Like Dan, they all wanted the world to be a better place than it was... better than it could be.
Twilight, understanding.
Spike, compassion.
Chrys, redemption.
Phoenix, peace.
Dan, acceptance.
Fluffle Puff, family.
Their home, their own universe of magic could not give them what they so sorely sought after. So it found another way. She found another way. But in order to give them a true second chance, it required a terrible, terrible sacrifice.
Also, there's a lot of acronyms in this story. For example, VICE- Vengeful, Intent on Conquering Equestria. And RICE... is something else. Probably not what you're thinking. VISOR, Villainous Intelligence Shadow OpeRative. And there are others.
10820751
Awesome! Thank you so much, man!
10818865
I look forward to it best fan!
Zeal, you fiend!