Stories set in the Oversaturated World, some silly, some less so.
Domri Rade hated authority and was angry at pretty much everything. In this, he was like many other fifteen-year-old boys who found themselves with increasingly more testosterone than they knew what to do with. Up until now, he'd channeled his aggression in fairly typical ways: graffiti, petty vandalism, scibbling anarchy signs on anything that would take an Inksharp marker, and so forth.
Even he was willing to admit that the boar as big as a house, a line of green flames running down its spine as it trampled towards downtown Ravnica, was a bit much.
The pig ran facefirst into a grid of golden light, one wall of the cage that had sprung up around it. It gave a squeal like an angry whale and immediately began slamming far too many tusks into the trap.
"Okay," said Sunset Shimmer, who has now standing next to Domri. Her hand whipped out and grabbed the collar of his vest before he could do more than think of legging it. "You are an extremely fortunate young man, Domri Rade."
"Yeah?" He put a lot more arrogance in his voice than he really felt. Sunset was the ultimate authority, after all. Even if she could reduce him to a greasy smear. "Howzat?"
"For one, you weren't in that thing's path when you summoned it, nor was anyone else. For another, the combined forces of Kindness and Generosity compel me to at least hear out your side of the story before smacking you so hard your kids will have bruises." Sunset lifted Domri by the vest until he was eye-to-eye with her, growing a foot in the process. "So talk."
The grease smear definitely outweighed screwing authority at this point. "Roight, see, the bird what tol' me—"
"And drop that obviously fake Hockney accent. You're not a football hooligan, you're a very lucky idiot."
Domri crossed his arms and spat off to the side. "Not very harmonious of you."
Sunset narrowed her eyes. "I could very easily throw you in with the giant pig-god."
"Fine. Look, Indica's usually so stoned she takes five seconds to blink. I didn't think that ritual she told me about would do anything but give me an excuse to burn stuff."
"Well, you managed to summon an ancient, forgotten deity of wilderness, savagery, and destruction." Sunset walked closer to the raging boar, dragging Domri along with her. "I hope you're proud of yourself."
He thought about that. It took a while; he'd never had much practice. "Yeah, actually."
Sunset sighed and put her free hand to her temples. After a few moments, a yellow girl flashed into existence next to her. "Fluttershy, Ilharg. Ilharg, Fluttershy."
The girl looked at Domri like he was the freakiest thing here. "Um... nice to meet—"
"Not him, the giant god-pig."
"Oh." She turned to face the actual Ilharg and cheered up immediately. "Oh! Isn't he a sweetie?"
Ilharg bellowed as though it wanted bloody revenge for every strip of bacon man had ever eaten.
"I'll take your word for it," said Sunset. "Could you go mellow him out?"
"I can certainly try."
As Fluttershy flew inside the cage, Domri said, "She's gonna die. You know that, right?"
"Remember how I said Kindness compelled me to hear you out? She's Kindness. If she can keep my temper under control..."
Fluttershy landed in front of Ilharg after he took a step back in yet another attempt to bust down the cage. The great snout twitched, and he looked down upon her with an earth-shaking snort.
She smiled back. "There, there, now. Why don't you just relax for a little while, and we can find a place for you."
Ilharg glared down, bringing his snout close enough to drench Fluttershy in divine mucus with his next breath.
She patted him on the snout. "Who's a good boy?"
He shut his eyes and, ever so slightly, nuzzled into a palm so much smaller than he was.
Then the green flame spread from boar to girl. And when she pulled away, it kept burning.
"Heh. Heh heh. Hehehehehe hahahahaha HA!" Fluttershy leapt astride Ilharg. "Go! Crush them!" They slammed into the cage yet again.
Sunset facepalmed.
"That's hot."
"Shut up, Domri."
"And, long story short, that's why Applejack's wrestling a god."
"I see," Twilight said in the tones of someone who really didn't, but had no desire to dig further. "And the mud pit?"
Sunset looked at the ongoing spectacle of giant woman versus divine boar within a larger forecage, both combatants stained brown by the arena. "I'm pretty sure some of the Ravnica High students deliberately burst a water main," she said, unsure if she felt more scorn or resignation at that.
"It wasn't our idea!" cried one boy who was wearing what could only be called a shoulder-mounted steampunk selfie stick. "Viewers donated thousands to our Spasm channel. We had no choice!"
"Look on the bright side," added another, who was trying to hide what looked very much like a death ray behind his back. That might have worked if it weren't a few feet longer than he was tall. "If you had stopped the pig a few seconds later, they'd be right over a sewer line."
Cheers rang out as Applejack literally hogtied Ilharg. Sunset just groaned. "You apes are all idiots."
Twilight patted her on the back. "Yes, but we're your idiots."
I've seen more than one person refer to this charming fellow as "the Bacon God." Him finding his way to the Oversaturated World was guaranteed from that point. And yes, Domri's voice lines in MTG Arena are delivered in a Cockney accent only slightly better than Dick Van Dyke's.
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Okay, but whose stopping Fluttershy's rampage?
"Wait, so you sent Zephyr Breeze to calm her down?"
Sunset listened to the carnage with a somewhat dissonant smile. "No, he's more of a punching bag in this context."
9565602
I'm assuming the Rage Stripe thing got transferred back, and then they sent Applejack in to subdue.
How quickly / slowly that happened that a Spasm channel got set up, donations came in, water main got busted, etc, is intriguing.
9565602
Good question.
By the time they find Fluttershy she'll have painted herself blue and become Kelda of the Nac Mac Feegle.
Fluttershy on a rampage, you don't see that every month.
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Isn't it wonderful when you can answer your own question?
Seriously, I'm declaring the Zephyr punching at least as canon as this short.
9565611
The Izzet Spasm channel was already up and running for live invention testing, robot fights, and so forth. Split Second here just saw the opportunity and ran with it. Then he called in Bori once they hit the jokingly established donation goal for mud wrestling.
9565614
Thankfully, there weren't any tiny berserkers on hand. The closest thing would probably be the local kindergarten.
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There's a period joke to be made here, but I'm not qualified to do more than observe the possibility.
9565641
No tiny berserker smurfs on hand? But Fairyland is RIGHT THERE...
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The last thing Seabreeze wants is Fluttershy meeting his more unruly cousins, especially when she's under the influence of a crazed beast-god. Nothing good can possibly come of that as far he's concerned.
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Fluttershy raised her fist in the air. "We will free those locked in cages! Those who have never known the freedom of burrowing through the ground, and foraging for food! We will let the class pets loose, or they will die in the attempt!"
There was mass cheering from the class. They all held crude sticks and other less-than-impressive weapons (Fluttershy couldn't let them run with anything sharp) but they'd taken to war paint with gusto. In the center was Pinkie, who was unable to untie herself because the universe decided that children torturing her was funny. "Hey, Fluttershy? I know you'really just a little upset right now, but you know how I take care of Gummy..."
"It doesn't matter how you pamper him," Fluttershy sneered. It was a bizarre expression to see on her face, but she made it work. "All animals shall run wild, as nature intended! Mercy will be but an afterthought, as life prevails over the Shackles of Civilisation!"
The kids looked very confused, but the nicer ones gave her a cheer anyway.
"And nap time will be but a cruel memory banshined forever!"
The was much more enthusiastic cheering as Pinkies face became more strained. "Fluttershy," she said slowly and calmly, "you're making me the voice of reason. The narration just said I was speaking slowly and calmly, and it wasn't ironic. This is not good."
9565641
*Facehoofs* I can't believe I didn't see that joke showing up in advance.
9565641
Something like, "The monthly rampages only stopped 'cause Zephyr Breeze moved out. And or because she became a tree."
I dunno.
This is going to end up in one of Sunset's blogs, I can just tell. Bacon Horse vs. pig god. Don't tell Discord.
He's right, you know.
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And, just like that, Ilharg found himself promoted to Divine Adversary in the Church of the Bacon Horse, spreading the fire of anger and Disharmony wherever he roams.
The particularly devout like to make parables of how Anger overcame Kindness but was conquered by Honesty. Mostly because if they're over-analytical enough Sunset might show up in person to complain.
Now THAT'S an interesting aspect of this church: get her bible wrong, in order to goad her into a personal appearance!
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That's actually a pretty good point, though.
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So... Does Seabreeze at least know a coven consisting of a Crone (with a spine so iron it can bend the universe back into shape), a Mother (who loves to speak in single entendres), and a Maiden (who looks like they just escaped a hippie commune)? Afterall, I hear that Witchcraft is magic too!
Was Domri's Hockney accent as bad as Ragamuffin's?
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Thanks to you three, this short may end up becoming a full one-shot. I hope you're happy.
I know I am.
On that note, Kai, is it okay if I use that snippet with a few alterations if I do expand this?
9565987
After one got a fae unicorn shod? Most Courts don't even go near that world.
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No, thankfully. It's just "make British streamers angry" bad, not "consider perforating your own eardrums" bad.
9567138
Sure, have fun! Thank you very much.
Would you mind if I also expanded and posted the snippet in Spare Parts?
9567138
Outnof curiosity, ate you going to focus on the bacon king? Because I thought that trying to put out a fire that turns everyone into a warrior could be a little more fun.
"Behold: TRIXIE!"
"Is she on fire?"
"We can't tell."
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I HAVE HAD MORE THOUGHTS.
"Sunset?"
"Hm?" Sunset turned to see Twilight standing stock-still, green embers trailing up her arm. "Oh no, not you."
"I can build things," Twilight said slowly, gaze fixed on some grand horizon. "I can build all the things. Sunset, have you wanted a _____? Because right now I think I can do that."
"Twilight!" Sunset grabbed her by the shoulders and forced their gazes together. "Listen to me. You are the smartest, nicest, greatest human being on the planet. That god has nothing on you, because you are Twilight Sparkle. Understand?"
Twilight stared at her demi-goddess, and considered the level of faith that demi-goddess had in her. "Sunset?"
Sunset sighed in relief. "Yes, Twilight?"
"Now say something that doesn't make me want to French you."
"Uh..." Sunset tried to think of anything about Twilight she didn't love. "I thought Star Wars was overated?"
Twilight stared at her for a long moment. Slowly, her bottom lip began to quiver.
"No wait I didn't mean that--"
"Shining Armor was right," she wispered.
Twilight ran off in tears, the mightiest being in the universe following desperatly behind her. "Twilight! I still love you! DON'T TELL SHINING ARMOR I SAID THAT."
FURTHER THOUGHTS EDIT
Shining shighed. "Sunset, ljsten. I understand that you didn't mean to hurt Twilight's feelings, and it's okay if you like Star Trek more. Just because my franchise is objectively better doesn't mean people aren't allowed to enjoy other things more."
Sunset sighed. "Thanks, Shining. You don't know what a relief that is to hear."
"It's cool." He paused. "So, are you going to stop hiding--"
"I'd rather believe you from here."
9567138
Glad to be of assistance!
I love you for your inclusion of the insanity and wonder that is magic the gathering, and then making it even more insane but in a fun way.
9567138
Oh we absolutely are.
9567138
I was so sad when it turned out that Ragamuffin was guilty of nothing worse than a fake accent. I was hoping he'd be the Storm King incarnate in the Humanoid world.
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Who knows? If Strife had never taken the Storm King under his ephemeral wing, ol' Stormy might have ended up a cabin boy on one of Iron Will's celebrity airship cruises.
But now I find myself wishing the King's sundered soul had retained enough presence of mind to try to possess Ragamuffin by way of Frankensteinian lightning strike.
Shame Sunset can't get out more; she clearly has forgotten what it would be like to have pony idiots to look after instead.
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We're not quite at the point in the timeline where Princess Celestia foists the crown off on Twilight, but once she does, her students will be perfectly placed to commiserate with one another over the foolishness of their subjects.