Aphelion made her way to her destination, where her bio-scanners showed her the only Lombax life sign off the Great Clock. It was a safe bet that would be Angela Cross, and last she had checked Angela was with - or at least knew the locations of - Sasha Phyronix and Talwyn Apogee. This was the first time she'd been given such a long solo mission, taking her nearly an entire galaxy away from Ratchet and Twilight, and she wanted to do well.
"Personal report," Aphelion muttered in her circuits. "I am in the proper range for locating my three incipient sisters-in-law, and am certain to be locating them soon...I have a lock!" She zoomed in on the location. "I have detected a Lombax, a Cazarian, and a Markazian...entering a bar." Aphelion paused as she hovered over the establishment. "...there's a joke in here somewhere...and I can't help but think it's on my brother."
"Hey!" someone in a hovercraft screamed out angrily. "No parking in the thoroughfares, moron!"
Immediately converting to her mecha form, Aphelion grabbed hold of the offending craft. "Care to say that to my face?" she asked coldly.
The pilot screamed in terror, running away as fast as he could.
Aphelion shifted back to ship mode. "...that felt good," she murmured to herself. "Now...how to get those three out of the bar...preferably without excess collateral damage." She began to circle the bar, looking for an opportunity. "...hmm...the bar's interior dimensions...if I fold my wings in, I should just fit..."
Aphelion folded her wings into her cockpit, then initiated her quantum shift, vanishing to reappear inside the bar, hovering over the billiards table. "Wow. This place is old school," she muttered.
"Aphelion?" Talwyn gasped out. "Is...is that you?"
"Like the new look, Miss Apogee?" Aphelion teased. "I'm here to pick you three up!"
"...why is the ship talking?" Sasha asked worriedly.
"And how did it-"
"She," Talwyn corrected quickly.
"...she warp into here?" Angela demanded.
"I am Aphelion, prototype Lombax Artificial Soul craft from the Angel Project, created by Kaden Gyro," Aphelion introduced herself. "Since upgraded with Zoni capabilities, with the ability to warp space and time."
Angela stared in shock. "I feel like I should be terrified. Whose ship are you now?"
"I fly for my family; Ratchet, Twilight, Clank, and Qwark," Aphelion explained.
"And now I know we should be," Sasha joked. "So...you're here to pick us up?"
"Yup! It's time for you three to meet Ratchet's parents!" Aphelion offered proudly as she popped open her canopy.
"But...but they're dead!" Talwyn gaped as Sasha and Angela started pulling her into the ship.
"I've stopped being surprised at the things that happen to Ratchet," Angela explained. "Especially if Zoni were involved."
"I'm guessing it was more Twilight than Zoni," Sasha offered, clambering into the ship. "Well, time to make a good first impression on his folks."
"Oh, they like you already," Aphelion told her. "Orvus used a time-view window to let them see your 'sparring sessions' with Ratchet. Daddy took notes!" She quickly extended a grapple arm from inside her cockpit to pull Sasha back in by her tail before she could run for it. "Here we go!"
Closing the canopy, Aphelion warped out of the bar and into space before setting course for the Great Clock.
"...you have an obstacle course in here?" Talwyn gasped out.
"Zoni upgrades are best upgrades!" Aphelion confirmed as she gunned her engines.
Angela, Sasha, and Talwyn stared around in awe as they stepped into the Great Clock. The location itself was enough to stun them, but behind their awed expressions, each of them had their own thoughts, their own feelings.
Talwyn was the calmest of the trio. It's alright, Talwyn. It's no big deal, really. You're just going to meet the parents of the guy you're massively crushing on. It's not that big of a deal. You've already met his girlfriend who's happy - eager even - to share him, and the other girl involved, and the three of you get along well. How bad could this be? Admittedly, it'd be nice if Cronk and Zephyr were here to back me up...but Twilight's here somewhere, right? That ought to be okay.
Sasha was fluctuating between terror and mortification. It's okay, Sasha. You've got nothing to be afraid of. It's just Ratchet's parents. You've got nothing to be ashamed of. You were Captain of your own starship, President of an entire galaxy, and helped Ratchet save the day a couple of times. There's nothing they could possibly hold against you...except for the crazy things you and Ratchet did in the bedroom. Which they liked! ...or at least took notes on... I am so dead...
Angela was incredibly tense as she walked very, very carefully. Okay Angela...you're going to be meeting up with Vashiir again. Last time you saw her, your Mom was telling you how a speculative assignation between you and Vashiir's not yet born son had been set up, and that you'd be very good friends. She only knew you as a little girl, and is now going to be judging you as a possible mate for her son whom you already promised to be a harem member of...a promise you actually want to keep now that you've seen what he's capable of and gotten to know the other two prospective members. But you're also meeting in the Great Clock, the most important and delicate construction in the history of...well, history. So whatever you do, Angela...do not trip!
"Hey Angela!" Twilight called out from a side room. "Grandpa, Grandpa and I were able to pluck your tail out of the timestream just after you cut it off to hide from Tachyon. Take your clothes off and get in here so I can use magic to reattach it before Daddy spanks you with a Chronoscepter to make the tail's timestream catch up with the rest of you to be normal sized!"
Angela wasn't sure if the face fault was the result of her clumsiness or just how out there that statement was. Either way, all three girls breathed a deep sigh of relief. After all, how awkward could this meeting really be with Twilight involved?
At Orvus' suggestion, the meeting between Ratchet's parents and his prospective mates took place in the Great Clock's medical wing, specifically the built in hot spring. Since of those present, the only one with any sort of cultural nudity taboo was Ratchet, making the meeting quite comfortable for all involved as they symbolically 'hid nothing'.
It was a relief to the three girls to know that neither Kaden nor Vashiir had any intention of sticking their oar in as far as Ratchet's love life, and were perfectly happy with the three of them being Ratchet's harem...well, after Vashiir had gotten Angela to bio-scan Sasha and Talwyn to make sure they were cross-compatible with Lombaxes. Apparently, they really wanted more grandchildren.
Once the explanation of how they were alive again was accepted - and Angela and Talwyn stopped throwing questions at Twilight - Sasha spoke up with news from their end. "There's something you all should know," she explained. "In the last election in Solana, someone started a write-in election campaign...and Captain Qwark won by a landslide."
Ratchet spat his drink out into the water. "How?"
"The write-in campaign had Twilight as his running mate," Sasha continued.
"Oh, okay, that makes sense," Ratchet admitted.
"But I don't want to go back to Solana yet!" Twilight complained.
"I don't think you'll have to," Angela pointed out. "I got a message from Mr. Fizzwidget. Apparently, aside from the villainous plot aspect, Megacorp actually did exceptionally well while Qwark was pretending to be Fizzwidget, leading to several big corporate folks concluding that Qwark has untapped leadership potential. He's been elected President of Bogon as well, with you as his VP."
Twilight groaned and facehooved. "How are we supposed to run two galaxies?" she demanded angrily.
"I'm afraid it gets worse," Sigmund spoke up as he served drinks. "A similar campaign started in Polaris and connected clusters. Given your roles in taking down Tachyon and Nefarious...you and Captain Qwark have been elected Vice President and President of this galactic sector as well."
"But...but that's the entire known universe!" Ratchet pointed out. "And Qwark's President of...all of it?"
"I just finished telling him that," Sigmund explained.
At that moment, the lights all went out, and a spotlight shone down. Captain Qwark appeared in the light, dressed as Elvis Presley complete with pompadour, his hands above his head displaying 'v for victory' finger positions. He then began to sing as music played.
"Here~ I am!
Born better than a King!
I'm the President of the U~niverse!"
He then proceeded to headbang while changing from finger Vs to devil horns. He then looked up with a grin. "What do you all think?" he asked eagerly. "Good intro for my first Presidential Press Release?"
Everyone groaned. "Who the heck would think making Qwark President of the entire known universe was a good idea?" Angela groaned.
Stuart Zurgo cackled wickedly as he rubbed his hands together. "Yes! YES! My plan is complete! Qwark is now President of the entire known universe! When he inevitably bungles and makes a mess of everything, everyone will know and see him for the impotent fool he is! There will be nowhere left for him to hide or rebuild! I shall have my revenge for his betrayal! Fall, false hero, fall!" He continued to cackle madly. "This is even better than trying to conquer the galaxy to make him fail in defeating me! Making Twilight Sparkle his running mate meant I barely had to lift a finger!"
Rubbing her forehead, Twilight spoke up. "BBBFF, just...promise me you'll let me help you write the parody song lyrics, okay?"
"Of course, LSBFF!" Qwark promised readily. "There's way more riding on this than I can even comprehend! I wouldn't dream of making any big decisions for this without consulting you first."
Stuart shivered as he logged onto the villain forums, a strange feeling overcoming him. He decided to type it into the chat.
TheAntiQwark: Say, anyone else ever get the feeling that your greatest villainous scheme ever just got spoked by a tiny pony that didn't even know you were trying to be villainous?
It wasn't long before he got a response.
Nefarious: Yeah, you get used to that real quick in this business...
So, the plot of FFA just went boom?
AAAHAHAH, that ending bit. Also Queen, good stuff.
7064032
Eeyup!
7064057 i.ytimg.com/vi/A-OQNwcKKS8/maxresdefault.jpg
lol that chat at the end
Okay, that last part was funny.
So at least as Vice President Twilight will be getting practical experience in running the government so when she returns home she can give Celestia and Luna some much needed time off.
iiiYOU MAGNIFICENT F***ING B**TARD!!!
Laughing so hard it hurts. Like seriously Tats, why did you do this to me?
*Clap* *Clap* *Clap*
7064163 I second this sarcasticlap. And even if it isn't sarcastic, I add a sarcasticlap and second both actions. Somehow.
7064180 'Twas an impressed clap, kind sir.
Sooo.... Qwark is the president of the entire known universe... and Twilight is helping.
Personally, i get the feeling that this bodes worse than when Max (with Trixie's aid) were elected for presidency in On the Corner of Straight and Narrow
let's put it this way.
Congratulations, you've doomed us all.
hmm, all for one happens before the FFA game, I wonder how that's going to backfire, the automated ship will probable kidnap Twilight, and hold her in stasis for most of the adventure.
7064074 Or let Princess Quark run the country
... You know, I don't know why I'm surprised, especially with what you did with X4 in Melody of the Future.
7064209
Full Frontal Assault. Basically a glorified Tower Defense game. You still get to run around on foot and shoot things though.
you sir, have posted the FiMfiction equivalent of MegaMan X's Intro stage according to Egorapthor
7064393
...huh?
7064410 I mean than this chapter (especially the ending) is F*cking Genius... and if you manage to make someone that never played Ratchet & Clank (Like me) think that, you get cupcake points...
7064410
He misspelled Egoraptor.
I just about died laughing here....
7064228 I almost feel sorry for that ship, Ratchet will go Papa Wolf, Clank, Sasha, Angela, and Talwyn will go Mama Bear, and Qwark will go Knight Templar and I shudder to think what her grandparents and Great Uncle will do. the ship will be wrecked.
Hey Tats, considering that there's a new game and a movie coming out in April, you might want to hold off on finishing this story just yet.
7064479
I knew about the movie, since it's basically the first game or two made into a movie.
But I hadn't heard there was a new game. Is it a remake, a re-release, or a brand new installment? Because only the last will in any way be incorporated.
7064484 Essentially, it's the game for the movie, which means it's going to be a revamped update of the first game.
Thanks for skipping that torture.
7064514
In which case it has no influence on this story.
7064522 Probably. I so can't wait to play it though.
Are you planning to do anything with the Infamous series?
Welp, that settles the whole Full Frontal Assault without actually going into Full Frontal Assault. Goodie. All that's left are All 4 One and Into The Nexus.
So does this mean that you're skipping the events of the comic series?
Also, have their plans gone from saving the Lombaxes to just saving Ratchet's parents?
7064593 from what i can tell they will get to ratchets race when twilight figers it out
And pfffff hahaha a super villian fourm and the fact he askes if anyone else gets the feeling twilights just ended there plan before it begins and the simple reply of you get used to it hillarious
Also is it just me or was the parent meeting for ratchets gfs a bit akward fir him sinve they were all nude
Weird thing, but now I kind of want to see more of that villain chat room.
I can just see Vendra Prog asking some of the more experienced villains for ideas, and the second she mentions Ratchet, every single villain online screams at her to AVOID HIM AT ALL COSTS, HE WILL WRECK YOUR ST FASTER THAN YOU CAN BLINK! And that's without his super-genius daughter.
7064209 full frontal assault.
7064526 I'd read that, especially if it's Derpy.
Captain Quark is president of the entire known universe. Wow, that's like seeing Springtime For Hitler in text form.
Shouldn't one of these be Grandma, because it's kinda redundant.
Another great chapter can't wait for the next one!
This chapter, like, all of it, I LIKE IT! Looking forward to more.
Keep up the great work. Deus tecum.
7064783 Only problems I can think of is 1.) How to go from Cole to Delson, and 2.) Where/When would it begin? Shortly before the Empire Event? After?
this section makes me confused...what the heck is she talking about?
7064852 not really because if you remember twilight now has two grandfathers kaiden ratchets father and orvus clanks father
7064185 Then I add a sarcasticlap, and second both motions... Somehow...
lol Twilights breaking reality again just by being there...but considering she made cuasility her bitch its not very surprising
7064953 Ahh, I see how I interpreted that wrong. Thanks for the tidbit of information, John.
7065153 always happy to help
7064593
The events of the comic series derive from two points.
The first is Ratchet's guilt over Azimuth's death. (He's not dead)
The second is Qwark mishandling the shut down of a massive scientific project. (You really think Twilight will let that happen?)
So...how can it happen?
7064929
Twilight will attach the tail from many years ago - which is the normal size for Angela's tail at that time - to Angela's tail stump using the same spell that attached Rarity's tail to Steven Magnet's cut mustache. Ratchet will then use the Chronoscepter - the device Clank used to repair everything around the Great Clock via time manipulation - to cause the tail's timestream to catch up to Angela's, making it the normal size for Angela at the present time. Of course, due to positioning, Ratchet will have to swing the Chronoscepter in such a way that it will strike Angela's rear.
Thus Twilight's phrasing.
7064213 Nha, Quark has twilight as an consultant. You can't argu with adorkable
7065598
And? It's still grafting.
7065626
It obviously wouldn't be the exact same spell. It was only an example of spell type.
7065322 i found her words to be very confusing, but that may have just been me...
Is that correct or is a typo?
7066996
Grandpa Kaden and Grandpa Orvus.