Twiluna Fan(clop?)fic. Twi and Luna magically bound to each other. Gryphons massing at the borders. Chrysalis trying to get back into Equestria. Discord being Discord. Canterlot Nobles trying to tear Princess Twi's authority apart. YAY!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Drama
I think the drama went overboard here. The moment with Rarity is a bit forced, but that isn't why this chapter is off for me. How in the hell are the supposed adults (and immortal) in the room ignoring the possible traumatized children, who are clearly hiding something, and who are known to be capable of great damage. (Heck even AJ said this a few chapters back). Things like this brake immersion.
Well Twilight, I would start with the phrase: "So you know how Rarity is a bit of a bitch. Well turns out it isn't just directed at you."
To anyone who thought Rarity still wasn't going to loose her element, I ask you a question. Is it generous to prank someone after they saved your life? is it generous to deny responsibility for the results of your actions? is it generous when you demand that another change his story just because you don't like the results of one characters actions?
7466803 This is a point of contention for me, because the ponies that were dumb about their own lives seemed to go full retard... not just dumb, but suicidal... and that seems weird for any living creature... and that's counting us humans.
7466818 please, do explain your reasoning.
7466846 I am not disagreeing with you, I'm saying that Rarity is exhibiting the same level of dumb as the other ponies that went full retard. Which is for me an issue with the story.
7466893 No I mean how do they go full retard? Explani your reasoning and who you believe is doing so, also Twi should have stopped the Crusaders from leaving, they still need to be punished for using the Weaboo spell.
Great story.
7466927 Oh I find the way the ponies (like Rarity, Carrot top- and others) who refuse to leave a battle zone, for whatever reason, to be suicidal. I get being ignorant, or sticking it to the man by ignoring Celestia, what I don't get is how they seem to be ignoring base survival instincts. You can't survive as a species without having survival instincts. Seeing anyone being serious (you know that look and the tone of voice and a certain face) about such things would ring all kinds of alarm bells in ones head... You'd start running before you register being in motion... But they just don't... And it makes close to no sense to me.
Rarity wants to be part of the elite so she subscribes to their way of thinking, that is true, but she is also intelligent and observant... and has never once been against her friends. Distracted yes, whiny certainly, but when the Element of Honesty tells you to move you do it. Then she gets the dumb later too when she is told what happened, cause maybe in the moment things were not clear... And she ignores everything, just to be mad at AJ...
I am quite tired so I apologize for my close to non existent grammar. I hope I managed to convey why these ponies act a bit off.
Also the crusaders were the most important thing in that room considering what happened, not who gets blamed and who gets compensated... I think doing damage control in a situation where kids get dosed with aphrodisiacs is more pressing than other things.
7466749 yes, but which is more the amount in the story... or the amount in the comments?
7467021 Oh I do hope I'm not creating drama... This story generally does a good job of framing events, and making them believable to a certain degree. So when things are a bit off, it is noticeable. I'm not trying to offend the author or anyone else, I'm trying to offer a different point of view.
7467000 last part yes, definitely. also the elite of society usually have their survival instincts suppressed so they can focus on what they believe to be more important things, I imagine Rarity does the same thing, as for carrot top the only explanation I can think of is that they live next to the everfree and she just doesn't give a damn so long as she makes a living off her Carrots, a lot of Farmers have a very basic yet determined and stubborn mind set.
I have to say that this re-write really fleshed out the scene better. None of them are well rested or really thinking that clearly. They are reacting more than they normally would.
Considering how much stress has been on them lately, this makes a lot more sense. This is why the nurse redheart section is so key. It shows them how they are not thinking clearly.
A few days of rest without stress would really put them back into perspective.
So now is the time to ramp it up higher and turn the fires on higher! A pinkie promise was broken and pinkie has yet to react! The CC will be feeling the hormones really strongly. Did they get the little pills? How will the guards react to all of this? Now that Big Mac and Fluttershy both know about their flames for the other, will there be a love triangle between brother and sister and flutters?
Twilight snapping is gonna be inevitable... and epic. Luna is right about the town being full of mad ponies. What she needs to realize is there is one more than she is thinking.
I hypothesise that Twilight would have always been drawn to there. Crazy calls to crazy.
7467052 I'm just gonna put Rarity's actions on the alternate universe tag, she is different, so that part is what it is. I can't wait to see the whole subplot of her getting back in touch with her Element.
And maybe I'm lacking knowledge, but I see survival different then you. As a base uncontrollable instinct, something you can't fully control... like say the fear of death. So suppressing it to that degree fells off to me :)
7467078 That's the point, they essentially break themselves, mentally.
cheers.
7467078 I'm sorry previous chapters didn't explain this properly.
In this 'setting', it has been mentioned that war is something 'somepony' else has to deal with, and that is a prominent hook that will crop up later on. Equestria has become a utopia where a hungry Manticore walking into town is treated as a side-show, where Ponies have lost so much of their normal survival instincts thanks to Celestia's constant presence (and editing of their history, and efforts to eradicate their tribal conflicts which, at one point, had almost completely wiped out the entire species down to a few thousand Ponies of each Tribe) and the lack of any real challenges to their dominion of the continent that when something as potentially lethal as a Demon walks into town, they really do fall to pieces and act like movie civilians, running blindly into danger, running around like headless chickens, heedless of the fact they're adding to the chaos and causing as much of a problem as the actual threat they are running from, if not being an even bigger threat to their defenders.
Rarity, Carrot Top and the others aren't wearing the Stupid Hat because lulz. They are wearing it because they honestly cannot believe they are in any danger. Princess Celestia is there, everything will be fine, the Goddess they all adore beyond any other thing in this world is within the literal reach of their hooves. Go look at the screaming fans when a 'hot' band comes off a plane for example of how people can lose their damn minds when their idol is within reach, that was my 'take' on what some Ponies would do when placed under stress and Celestia is nearby.
Rarity's actions? Luna's cautioning that losing your Element can drive you insane from the feedback of it's loss was not an idle addition, nor her comment on the fact that you can either lose it all at once if you force them to obey you, or gradually over time if you begin to fall out of Harmony.
Something I wonder if people notice is that Luna claimed she went insane with the loss of the three Elements tied to herself, and if so ... did Celestia also suffer from similar 'feedback' when the Elements rejected her in turn?
Dun ... dun ... duuuuuuuuuuuuun!
Also, the Cutiemark Crusaders, especially Sweetie Belle's protest, will be address in the next chapter. We already got to 6,000 words, I felt I had to make a cutoff point around that mark or else people would lose interest, or the comment that the chapter could have been half the length and still be as boring would crop up again.
I am a wordy bastard. I do tend to waffle on when it comes to text-based communication because I'm never quite sure if I am getting the mood or emotional weight behind the words across. Text-based communications are notoriously poor for conveying nuance, especially for people like me who are not used to it. I didn't actually 'get' onto the internet till my early twenties, and thus I never really grew up with the medium, never really felt all that comfortable with it. To me, it is still something a little ... off when compared to calling somebody up and talking to them, if that makes sense?
Yes, this new version flowed a lot better than the last one. I particularly liked Twilight's flashes from the Elements. Gave it a better build up.
Ok, I'm back in
7467357 This filled in some gaps for me, thanks. I guess it would be hard to show something like loosing one's survival instincts outside of just outright telling the reader up front.
Also why do people fear long chapters? I like to read, that's why most of us are here on this site... Why complain about length... it's more of the story you are following... I'll never understand that. So to me it feels like the wrong cut off point, but non the less I can't wait to see what happens.
Nooooooooooo
Just when it's getting good again no more chapters :(
Awesome story bro
Plz keep on writing i need more of this
[youtube=vAvCMQ_ok1c]
Rarity, despite her outburst of strong self-righteousness, seems ill-used here. Rainbow came disturbingly close to maiming or murder here, but didn't get a pull from her element?
I have to admit, turbo-OOC psycho Rarity explosion after getting shafted by the Bizarro-planet nonsense that serves as Equestria's legal system is kinda putting me off this story at this point.
Not to mention, where's Rainbow Dash's attempted murder charge? Oh right, Bizarro-planet nonsense legal system.
Reading this again, I get the feeling you're not going to be very gentle with Rarity in the Dusk fic, correct?
I love this story and these comments because of these well written discussions and arguments! A good majority of the people around me aren't intrested in anything remotely intelligent or in-depth past "feels bad man". I'll admit I love just dumb stupid enjoyment as much as the next person but sometimes I just want to good deeper! Also I ADORE long chapters as do many other people.