Twilight Sparkle is being sent to Ponyville to learn about friendship. She's not happy about it.
Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
THE FOAL FREE PRESS
Gaming Event PONE3 Under Way in Los Pegasus
The Los Pegasus Convention Center is swarming with gamers of all ages as PONE3 2015 is halfway through it's annual show. Held every year since 995 CE, PONE3 is the chance for game developers, both large and small, to showcase their biggest titles being made, most coming within the next year.
First up was Littlesoft's press conference covering their Xbox Pone. While starting off with campaign footage of Haylo 5 Gardeners, the biggest announcement would be the reveal of backwards compatibility with their previous console.
Next was the other end of the console wars with the Haystation 4 manufacturer, Sony Pony. The biggest applause came for the oft-requested remake of the highly acclaimed wedding simulator, Bridal Fallacy 7. There were some technical difficulties at the end when they demoed Shining Armor's fourth game, Unguarded 4: A Royal Captain's End.
Large amounts of hype is in the air for the highly anticipated janitorial slaughterhouse Broom 4. Main character Broomguy rampaged throughout an industrial complex destroying hellspawn left and right. But the game is not without its detractors. Founder of Feminist Delinquency, reformed prostitute Juanita Fucks-Easily said ponies cheering for the extreme violence was downright sickening. Regardless, Broom 4 is anticipated to sell millions of copies across Equestria.
It's not just ponies coming together for the gaming either. Interracial extreme sports game Pony Hawk Pro Scooter 5 is also slated for release later this year.
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And meanwhile, poor Neightendo is just sitting in their little corner, mumbling to themselves:
6091165 I don't know, and I'm pretty sure I shouldn't concern myself with finding out.
Another Halo game! Yay! I still haven't got an Xbox.
Final Fantasy 7 remake looks good.
Uncharted 4, and I still don't even have the first one.
Doom 4. Well, time to pull out the big guns. And get the console...
Who is that supposed to be?
6104908 Anita Sarkeesian, presumably.
Yes.
All of my yes.
This is perfect.
Dear Foal Free Press,
Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle was so excited when she got a beta version of the remake of the wedding simulator, Bridal Fallacy 7. Until she tried to play it. Every single potential suitor turned her down. One after the other, after the other, after the other. Every time she restarted the game from the beginning, she got the same result. I just do not know what went wrong, she was just being herself. Her wonderful, beautiful, perfect self. After the seventeenth time she played through the game, she rage quit, with extreme prejudice. Needless to say there is a brand new smoldering crater in the castle with a molten Haystation 4 and beta version of Bridal Fallacy 7 inside. It serves them right though, if Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle has to change herself for those snobs to like her, they are not worth her very valuable time, anyway. She had to blow off some steam, so, instead of murdering everypony in town—which they would deserve—she pulled out another Haystation 4 from her Haystation 4 closet—she has several different walk-in closets, each filled with one of the major consoles—and put in this game.
My Mistress has the most beautiful not-evil cackle I have ever heard. And when she screams "DIE! DIE!! DIE!!!" it sounds like angels singing an immaculate chorus. And just so you know, it does not bother me that she can harmonize with herself and sound like five ponies singing at once. It is just one of the many things that endear her to me.
...I think I may have digressed a little...
Oh, right... Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle would like to give her lowest rating to the remake of Bridal Fallacy 7: One Smoldering Crater(out of six cutie mark stars).
Signed Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle's loyal slave and smoldering crater re-filler,
Neko Majin C.
~KBO.
I am not at all surprised to see this. Good job!
6104889 Nah, they're keeping cool, like always. All the ponies spewing venom at Maretroid and complaining about Ponyville Crossing being a party game are a bunch of spoiled foals that don't represent the majority of Neightendo fans.
i thought the biggest announcement was the fact that mods would be on the console for the xbox one only.
6105429 They said they hope to have it work for PS4 as well, but it's not definite.
I understand there's a new Dungeon Keeper coming out that has potential...
Personally, I'm most excited for Fallout Equestria 4, though was really glad to see that The Last Dragon is still coming as everypony thought it had been cancelled.
Hey, at least someone has the guts to take Anita down a peg, even if it's in a silly fanfic.
What, no news about the surprise avalanche?
*crickets*
I'll just shut up now.
If Valve wasn't at E3, I'm done.
6104935 We all have opinions.
Plus I just basically opened a window for that so I don't see what the problem is. We're not getting into a shipping war are we?
6104956 Who? Sorry, I don't spend much focus on the world outside computers...
Heh, Snark-n-easy-ian.
When asked if she thought "feminists" was an oppression group, considering almost all ponies in authority are female, Fucks-Easily accused yours truly of being a misogynist. When I pointed out that I'm female too, she hastily changed the subject, then asked if I would be interested in donating to her new Buckstarter.
One avid Maretroid fan had this to say about Neightendo's unveiling of Maretroid Prime: Stellar Union " I don't quite understand why Neighty (a common fan-nickname for Neightendo) are doing this to possibly their only mature IP. The only redeeming thing about the trailer was the music."
On the topic of other Neightendo games unveiled this year, our Neighty fan was most looking forward to Mareia and Louisa: Parchment Jam, saying "With how Parchment Mareia : Sticker Star disappointed fans, merging the two Mareia Role-playing games cannot fail, unless Upended Tea-Table decides that Parchment Jam doesn't need a story beyond "Prince Callypygian has been captured AGAIN and it is up to Mareia to rescue him AGAIN, only this time, it's the parchment version as well!"
Special Games Reporter Quick-time Event
I wonder if Juana Fuck ever met Deepy in the business.
This just in, Square Phoenix Is announcing the release of the long-awaited sequel "Kingdom Hearth's III"
Initially announced at Pone3 in 2013, "Kingdom Hearth's III" returns Horsa, Kuri, Ronald Rock and Silly Filly to center stage in the crossover action RPG franchise that kicked off with the initial "Kingdom Hearth's" HayStation 2 game in 2002.
The trailer opens with characters who seem to be young versions of Xenahorse and Eqirus discuss "the Hayblade War" over a board game before transitioning into gameplay footage of "Kingdom Hearth's III."
Prior to the footage, Marketing Vice President Grey Charpony and Producer Red Comet from Whinney Animation revealed that the world of "Knotted" is one that fans can expect to experience in "Kingdom Hearth's III."
In addition to "Kingdom Hearth's III," Hayseedmoto revealed some footage from the mobile game "Kingdom Hearth's Unbaled Hay," which he said depicts a story that ties in to "Kingdom Hearth's III." The mobile game is based on the Japony-exclusive PC browser game with the same name. "The old is New again at Square Phoenix" Says Hayseedmoto at the Pone3 Square Phoenix Panel.
Cannot wait to see the conflict between Master Colt and Stallion Locke in Haylo 5.
6106450
Valve cant count to three they must have gotten lost
Mind if I steal that?
Those puns killed me inside...
That's a good one!