Twilight Sparkle is being sent to Ponyville to learn about friendship. She's not happy about it.
Dear Vacuum Cleaner,
So, you have wings now? Good. Now you can clean the ceilings more effectively. Start scrubbing.
Your Headmistress,
Twilight Sparkle
P.S. You're worried about me kicking you out? I'll kick you out right this instant if you don't replace my burnt lecture notes!
P.P.S Since your balls finally dropped, you would probably be better in bed. Get ready to suck some cunt.
Dear Spike,
For payment of my service to hide you from a friend.
I require Dragon Essence since your Molt is at its end.
But to collect it is quite unorthodox and will fill you with dread.
So steel yourself, young dragon, as I give you some head.
Your friend,
Zecora
MY DEAREST SPIKE,
I'M GLAD TO HEAR THAT YOU HAVE COMPLETED YOUR MOLT! COME BY MY BOUTIQUE ANYTIME AND I'LL SHOW YOU HOW A REAL STALLION SHOULD TREAT A LADY SUCH AS MYSELF!!!
YOUR LADY IN WAITING,
RARITY
Dear Rarity,
Look, I don't know what kind of clothing you need me to hold up while you stitch, but if you had a wing fetish you would have been all over Twilight years ago, or at the very least Smolder when we opened the school.
They're called mannequins. Adjust the height, start paying me for my time, or start putting out. Pick one.
Sincerely,
Spike
Dear Smolder,
So, now that my molt is over and I'm a full grown dragon, want to fly together? We can take our relationship to new heights, if you know what I mean.
-Spike
To Dragon Lord Ember,
Permission to go back to dragon lands? Ever since his molt, Spike has been acting more touchy-feely with me and not in a good way. Please reply soon.
Your representative,
Smolder
Dear Smolder,
In case you've forgotten, you were selected to go to Twilight's school because you were getting too touchy-feely with too many dragons here. Crackle is still having nightmares.
See how it feels?
Deal with it. You're not coming home without a Bachelor's Degree in Friendship.
Sincerely,
Dragon Lord Ember
To The Equestrian Society for the Preservation and Conservation of Animals,
I would like to start a Roc farm as a dragon deterrence measure for scientific research on these avian diseases magnificent creatures.
Signed,
Headmistress Twilight Sparkle
Dear Spike,
I wouldn't say that you're grown up just yet. Maybe once you grow up some more you'll finally unlock Alpha Mode.
Your official dragon expert,
Hiccup
And Letters bravely enters the new year!
(Isn't that the damn truth. Only one of the worst episodes in the show.)
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Smolder is the draconic equivalent of Twilight? Now I'm wondering about the rest of the Student Six...
Wonder how Gallus would feel if it was him Smolder was getting "too touchy-feely" with.
9408343
Yona sure likes to smash.
Nice How to Train your Dragon reference.
Ooh, that last one reminds me of when I was younger and shipped SpikeBelle.
Not sure why...
9408641 Inb4 "Lemme Smash" jokes but with Yona.
My dearest Mistress Headmistress Princess Twilight Sparkle,
Ha! "Suck some cunt" and you call him Vacuum Cleaner. He could Hoover you up. He really is a Vacuum Cleaner, managing to both suck and blow at the same time. You are so clever. Your sparkling wit knows no bounds!
Signed your loyal slave who likes to explain your jokes,
Neko Majin C.
~KBO.
Dear Writers,
What the hell??? You can't just up and give wings to an established character! That messes up the entire formula!
Yours, irritably,
-Twilight Sparkle.
9411962
Dear Twilight,
Like you're one to talk, "Princess"!
Just as irritable,
-Spike.
9431700
This episode, not this chapter.