Chapter 3. Dreams. Blossom Cake.
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Blaze ran for his life as a three headed dog chased after him.
Blaze tripped over a rock and fell to the ground hard. He looked up to see the three headed dog standing over him. Blaze knew he was done for till a giant blue blast came out of know where, Blaze looked up to see Princess Luna standing behind him "You shall not harm him!" She said as she blasted the three headed dog again making it run away in fear.
Blaze got to his feet and hugged the princess. He began to cry.
"It's alright Blaze." Luna said placing a hoof on his back "I'm here for you."
Blaze smiled as he held onto Luna's leg "Thank you for saving me."
"That's what i'm here for Blaze." She said.
Blaze looked up at her as She smiled down on him "Would you like to play with me?"
Luna nodded as the world changed and Luna smiled as she followed Blaze.
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Twilight made her way downstairs to see Spike already cooking breakfast.
"Oh, Your up already." Twilight said taking a seat next to the table.
"I couldn't sleep." Spike said as he flipped the pancakes.
"Rarity?" She asked.
Spike looked at Twilight "No, Somepony else."
"And who's the lucky mare?"
Spike looked at Twilight "Scootaloo."
"Oh, And how did this happen?"
Spike blushed "Well, I ran into her on my way to the store and she needed help carrying some of her things and being who i am helped her out and before i knew she gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me thanks for the help."
"Aw, My little dragon is growing up!" She said teasing him.
Spike's blushed went even redder.
Blaze walked down the stairs as she saw Spike placing some pancakes onto a plate.
"YAY! Pancakes!" Blaze said running over to the table.
Twilight smiled as she saw her son jump into his chair and smiled "Morning Blaze, Did you get a goodnight sleep?"
"Yeah, I slept really good."
"That's good. Are you ready for school today?" Spike asked.
"Yeah! Oh i forgot to tell you mom that i made three new friends at school yesterday!"
Twilight was happy to her she was making friends at school "That's good, What are their names?"
"Pound Cake, Pumpkin Cake and Blossom Cake."
Twilight smiled "I'm glad you made some new friends!"
Blaze smiled as he woofed down the pancakes.
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Twilight dropped Blaze off at School while she went shopping.
"Hey Blaze!" Blossom Cake said walking up to Blaze "I-I got you something."
"What did you get me?" He asked as he looked at his friend.
"I made you a cupcake." She said. Blaze looked at the cupcake.
"T-Thank you, You didn't have to make me a cupcake." Blaze said.
"I-I wanted to make you something since you were so nice to me yesterday." She said blushing.
"I wish i knew you were bring me a cupcake i would have brought you something too."
"D-Don't worry about it Blaze, Just know you like my cupcake will make me happy."
Blaze blushed as he put the cupcake someplace safe for later "T-Thank you."
The bell rung "Well, I'll see you in class." She said rushing off leaving Blaze to think as he made his way into the school.
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Twilight sat outside of school waiting for the bell to ring.
The bell rang and the kids came running out of the door.
Twilight saw her son walking out with a smile on his face as he was talking to Pound Cake.
"It's nice seeing him being treated like everypony else."
She notice her son stop as she saw a filly came running up to him, Her mane was blue and her coat was pink. She was telling Blaze something and it made him blush and in return made the filly blush as well. Now Twilight knew her son would one day start dating but she was worried about the fillies breaking his poor heart.
She watched as the filly placed a kiss on his cheek as she took off running leaving a very goofy smiled Blaze.
She walked up to her son and over heard Pound Cake "See, Told you Blossom Cake likes you!"
"What's this about Blossom Cake liking Blaze?" Twilight asked making Pound Cake jump.
"I-I gotta go! I've got homework to do!" He said taking off running leaving Blaze to look at his mother.
"Um... Blossom made me a cupcake for being nice to her yesterday and i told her the cupcake was really good and it made her happy... And she kissed me."
Twilight chuckled "How about we get you home and we can make some cookies for Blossom Cake."
Blaze eyes went wide "R-Really?"
"Yes, Really." Blaze jumped for joy as he followed his mother back home.
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Twilight giggled as she looked at her son, He was covered in flower and sugar.
"Is this right mom?" He asked.
"Yes, You have everything right."
Blaze smiled as he placed the cookie dough onto the sheet and Twilight used her magic to place them into the oven so they could bake.
"Now, While they cook how about we go get you cleaned up?"
"Okay!" Blaze said running up the stairs as Twilight put the timer on and made her way over to the stairs.
The door opened and she saw Spike walking in with a goofy grin on his face "Let me guess. Scootaloo kissed you again?"
"No, Apple Bloom."
Twilight rolled her eyes "He has a way with the fillies." Twilight thought as she made her way up stairs.
Spike looked into the kitchen to see it trashed "This is why i don't let them into my kitchen!" Spike yelled in his mind as he grabbed a broom and gloves and made his way into the dirty kitchen.
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Twilight put Blaze's pj's on him as she got him ready for bed.
"Mom?"
"Yes sweetie?" She asked pulling the cover's up over him.
"Why don't you have a husband?"
This made Twilight look at her son "What do you mean sweetie?"
"Well, Today at school, Some bullies were saying they have a mom and a dad and i only have you and a dragon."
Twilight let out a huff of anger. She hated the fact that the bullies targeted her son but this was down right mean. "The reason i don't have a husband is because i haven't found the right stallion."
"What about Flash? You two have been dating."
"Yes, Flash and I have been dating for two months now but i still don't wish to get married just yet."
"Why?"
"Because... I'm not ready. You'll understand when your older." She said as she used her magic and brought over her book as she crawled into bed with her son "How about i read you a bed time story?"
"Okay." He cuddled up to his mother as she used her wing to wrap him up.
"Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a young prince lived in a shining castle. Although he had everything his heart desired, the prince was spoiled, selfish, and unkind. But then, one winter's night, an old beggar mare came to the castle and offered him a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold."
Blaze enjoyed it when his mother read him bed time stories.
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Blaze walked down the path as he played in his dream world.
"I see you started having fun with out me."
Blaze looked to see Luna standing there "I'm sorry, I had such a fun day at school i didn't want it to end."
"Oh? So you made some friends?" Luna asked taking a seat next to Blaze.
"Yes, Pound Cake, Pumpkin Cake and Blossom Cake. Blossom Cake made me a cupcake and mommy helped me make some cookies so i can give them to her."
Luna smiled "I'm happy to hear that, So do you like Blossom Cake?"
Blaze Blushed "Kinda... She's really nice. She kissed me on the cheek and Pound Cake she likes me more then just a friend."
Luna smile grew "Maybe when you give her the cookies you should give her a kiss on the cheek too."
"I-I was thinking that earlier when i was making cookies with mommy."
"Take it from me, If you kiss her on the cheek you'll make her very happy."
"T-Thank you Luna."
"Any time Blaze." Luna watched as he jumped off the swing "Let's go have some fun!"
She chuckled as she followed Blaze.
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Blaze eyes slowly open.
He saw his mother fast asleep with the book on her chest.
"Mommy... Wake up." Twilight eyes slowly open as she looked at her son.
"Morning Blaze." Twilight yawned as she got out of her son's bed "We better get you ready for school."
Blaze smiled as he hopped out of bed and followed his mother so he could get a bath before school.
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Twilight watched her son take off running with a bag of cookies.
"I hope this filly doesn't break his heart." Twilight thought as she watched her son give Blossom Cake the cookies and giving her a kiss on the cheek. The little filly blushed. "I didn't tell him to do that! I told him give her the cookies and tell her thanks for the cupcake!"
Before Twilight could call for her son the bell rung making the kids pile into the school.
She huffed as she made her way back home.
As she walked in she saw Flash talking with Spike "Alright, Which one of you told Blaze to kiss Blossom Cake on the cheek?"
They both looked at each other then back at Twilight "Who's Blossom Cake?" They both asked.
"Maybe it wasn't them... Then who told hi... Luna." Twilight rushed to her room as she began to write her letter to the Princess Of The Night.
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To Be Continued.
ok and this will hold me till you return and i love it
Who's Matt? You mention him several times. Is there another human?
who the fuck is matt!?!?
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Matt is a character that is in my other story. I must have had Matt on the brain while writing this. If you could please point out where i made the mistakes that would be nice.
He fits in so well I keep forgetting he's a human
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Spike's a dragon and he fits in so well.
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Glad you love this chapter.
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True.
3013239 yeah
It feels somewhat like this story goes too fast/is fast-paced. There's no descriptive filler at the end just single lines at times which to me feels like it was rushed somewhat. Stuff like this.
Twilight giggled as she looked at her son, He was covered in flower and sugar.
"Is this right[1*], mom?" He asked.
"Yes, You have everything right." [2*]
Blaze smiled as he placed the cookie dough onto the sheet and Twilight used her magic to place them into the over so they could bake.
"Now, While they cook how about we go get you cleaned up?"
[4*]"Okay!" Blaze said running up the stairs as Twilight put the timer on and made her way to stairs.
[5*]
The door opened and she saw Spike walking in with a goofy grin on his face "Let me guess. Scootaloo kissed you again?"
I'm going to number things here when I see them in the story.
[General] Underlined stuff is errors, such as wrong spelling; capitalized words where there shouldn't be any.
1. You didn't put a comma before the name/title.
2. That's it? Just speech? No filler/interaction to lead into the next line which would continue a paragraph?
4. The last two sentences shouldn't be spaced apart as there isn't any new speech.
5.No head turning to look at the door? No pause while she was going upstairs? No callout that Twilight spoke to Spike I guess it technically doesn't need one, but still.
6. I missed #3, sue me.
I tend to criticize a lot but I'm no author, though I can point out basic flaws somewhat easily. I am no editor and I honestly would have no idea how to reword what you wrote, my guess would be taking time to think what you could use to let the ponies interact with eachother as a filler. All I see at the moment in barebones sentences.
I'm sorry if this offended you, but I hope my sleep deprived comment will help you in future story writing endeavors.
romanced really rushed.
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prob get his heart smashed to.
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The romance between Blaze and Blossom Cake was something that happened to me when i was younger and i thought it would be cute to add it to the story.
....I like this feel that your story has...hm..I wonder....
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What do you wonder?
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I wonder,
Because I wonder,
And wonder,
The wondering,
Of this wonder.
Mayhap the wonder,
Wanders too much?
A poem,
ISA
...When does THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIIIIIIIIXIE show up?
Please keep up the good work. when will the next chapter come
Uh..oh, Luna you got some explaining to do. Also, if Twilight allows Blaze to maybe have a strong friendship, and relationship with Blossom Cake, I see her trying to ask Spike if he can help Blaze. Spike is a ladies' man.
What in the actual buck did I just read?
3017390 probably an error.
Phantom Write i got a question when will the next chapter come out for this story
3073284 When I get a chance to write. I just got back and I need a little time to get back to my normal self. I'll try and have a chapter up soon.
3073352 ok
not arm him. Harm
"YAY! Pancakes!" Matt said running over to the table. Wrong name
placed Blaze pj's. should be, put Blaze's pj's on him.
Why don't you have a husband?. Two options would work better here. First being "where is my dad?"" And the second is " do I have a dad?"
"Who' Blossom... Who's
"Repulsed by her haggard appearance, the prince sneered at the gift, and turned the old woman away, but she warned him not to be deceived by appearances for beauty is found within, and when he dismissed her again, the old woman's ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful enchantress. The prince tried to apologize, but it was too late, for she had seen that there was no love in his heart, and as punishment, she transformed him into a hideous beast and placed a powerful spell on the castle and all who lived there. Ashamed of his monstrous form, the beast concealed himself inside his castle, with a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world."
The rose she had offered, was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his 21st year, if he could learn to love another, and earn her love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken, if not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time. As the years passed he fell into despair and lost all hope, for who could ever learn to love a beast.
They sound sweet, you managed it that i like Blossom Cake and him together. And i regain my trust into Flash Sentry
I have to say, this is terribly written...
The pacing is beyond horrible, the characterization is way out of character, the writing itself is full of mistakes and grammatical problems, it seems the author is physically incapable of capitalizing the word 'I', and I felt actual physical pain trying to read this.
That's right, this story is physically painful to read if you have any sort of standards towards what you read. I don't have many standards, and the ones I do have aren't that high, but this fic didn't make them. I tried... I really did.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
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Tell that to the like to dislike ratio of the story.