Just someone who does alot of things and writes from time to time.
Emile always wanted to go to the fantasy world of his dreams, but not like this...
One day, Emile was writing a diary. The next, everyone's gone. With him and his best friend, Alyssa turned into weirdly colored small horses and with them as seemingly the only survivors, what will they do? The whole world is theirs.
A sidestory set in the universe/world of Starscribes The Last Pony On Earth. With additions from my own mlp fanon, Viewpoint.
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But isn't Emile a girl's name?
I'm pretty sure it's a male name, I even looked it up. You might be thinking of a name like Elise instead.
Oh hey, didn't expect to see one of these stories after so long. Wanted to say a few things as I read. Part of me wonders if there's a point, since you've already written a whole novella's worth at the time I say this. I'll stop and say this much though: your writing is plenty better than some of the sidefics I've seen. Crossing my fingers I'll see the start of whatever conflict you're setting up in the next chapter or two.
A million people wrote derivatives of the original PaP when it came out, and the ones that really stood out were those that did something interesting with their conflict. Let's see where yours goes...
So my feedback on this chapter (and the last few). Your prose is quite clean and pleasant to read, so props there. In terms of the plot though, I feel like we're hitting a lot of the same story beats as the original. Building a party made of the same basic pieces as the first story did, though you're getting to the point a lot faster.
The first story relied on the mystery of what was going on--but virtue of this being a sidefic, you can't rely on that, since anyone who reads it has already seen the "what is happening" in the first story. I would suggest for a story like this coming up with and settling on a different interesting conflict and doing so early. Generally in the first chapter or two, though obviously we're past that.
Not trying to sound critical though, the writing is solid. Much better than a lot of stuff I read here on the site.
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Holy shit I didn't expect you to comment. Hearing you call my writing good from you of all people really means alot to me.
I'll be honest and just say this entire story is kinda like one really really long prologue. I have ALOT planned for this and most of the beginning of this is just so I can set up that.
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I know the pacings kinda all over the place. I was afraid of that happening, this story seeming too similar too the original. (Especially early on.)
Like I said before this is kinda like one big long prologue, so getting to the point faster is kinda slightly intentional. Some of themes I wanted to tackle with this story was things like order, progress, and humanity making a path for themselves.
I've kinda slightly implied Emile has some kind of distaste/mix feelings about people and just humanity in general. There's alot of personal thoughts he has he doesn't write about in his journal.
Again, there's alot of things I have planned I don't wanna get too into detail but one thing I will say is that Emiles dad isn't just some one off character who just gets mentioned once.
Thank you once again for calling my writing good, it really means alot to me.
They finally met the crew, This is so exciting!
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Thank you! I'm glad you like the story so far!
Oooo, That little picture scene was unexpected. I thought the fic was only gonna be 100% log-notes, Now the story is gonna be spicy.
Now I'm hype to hear when Alex talks about the Human Government later, I'm really curious on what Emile's reaction would be!
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There's probably gonna be more moments like that where it breaks off from the usual log note style so I focus on other characters.
Don't worry... I won't go into detail too much but Emiles reaction will be very very interesting... Hehe...
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Keep up the good work!
Well that's unexpected, I didn't know journal books had a built in microphone recorder, Cute chapter though
Damnnnnnn, That was brutal! Now we're slowly but surely getting into more and more log breaks and action scenes.
Great chapter, great job at executing Emile's emotions on the killing part.
Never seen Emile that down, That and I think Bliss Flower is abandoning their old name because of what they did as Emile.
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Pretty much. No matter how much time passes, Bliss
Emileis still just a "kid" deep down. They haven't dealt with anything like this before.Awww this chapter is quite cute, Everyone deserves an Alyssa in their lives.
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I was actually trying to explore Alyssa and Emiles friendship a bit more with these last two chapters, I'm glad it worked out!
If his leg is really broken, I hope someone sets it and treats him at some point. It's a difficult task, so difficult that the idea of shooting a horse with a broken leg made it into the vernacular. Take it out behind the barn, as it were.
Maybe I'm missing something because I read this so far apart and might be forgetting, but does she know that unicorns can levitate yet? John was shooting things, but that's not quite the same. And if it's the first time she saw it, I imagine it would be a little more surprising than not mentioning at all.
I am curious though, Is this an alternate universe? Like I'm unsure if anything would change to the main Starscribe Plot Timeline.
Like Emile and the whole crew are doing stuff in a background without Alex mentioning them in the notes or something.
I'm bad at explaining things but what I'm saying is, Is this the same universe as Alex's story but we're viewing it in Emile and his Crew's perspective?
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Yes. Similar to Viewpoint (a story that I'll probably publish here eventually) this is pretty much an alternate timeline/alternate universe of sorts where because of certain people existing certain events are different.
This is more of a side story to that then it is to the last pony on earth. Knowledge of Viewpoint isn't required for this though (obviously) and it's basically not canon to it.
some characters from that fanon of mine might make an appearance eventually. Also please ask me more questions I love answering them.11474410
Now that's spicy!
That would mean most of the plot is gonna be different, Mainly because Emile and the Crew existing.
I love stories that have an unknown plot, So anything can happen in the story because it's an alternate universe.
Lots of possibility in the story.
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I swear I implied he could levitate things in a earlier chapter, I'll have to go back and check later.
But anyways, John can do that since "horn beams" are just concentrated magical power, nothing too hard. Even a baby could it!
Interesting chapter this one, They're finally going to Equestria. I am curious to what Emile(Bliss Flower) 's reaction to the world though.
Because everything in Equestria is mythical, Magic, Dragons, Gods, etc. is everything that Emile was dreaming of for most of his life, That and It wouldn't surprise me that he tries to convince the crew to move into Equestria.
I suspect they wouldn't because plot reasons.
It still would something interesting to see though, Magic world or Friends, tough decision.
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I can see Emile considering it. But actually going through with it is another story. But who knows, maybe he'll try...
An error thing happened
Is the 2nd one supposed to be blue?
Also interesting chapter! Also new pegacorn!
Damn I misread last chapter, Thought they were an Alicorn. But still, Selene looks pretty darn great
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Selene IS an alicorn he just lost his wings. Which is a long story in itself, but basically they got ripped off.
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Oops that's a typo. Lemme just fix that real quick.
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me try not to make 20 million typos challenge (impossible)
I type too fast, that's probably why.
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Oh interesting, Is there like a prequel or a story about Selene? Or is that gonna be explored in this story?
The pacing here kinda feels off, But still good chapter
Dawww, This chapter is really sweet, Cute picture moment
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Yeah, sorry if this ending seems rushed.
Honestly, I kinda wanna go back and rewrite this entire thing, but I at least want to finish Blissful Days first, can't let my stupid perfectionism get in the way of me making progress.I honestly can't write to Blissful Days as a whole. It's the thing I've been planning about ever since I randomly decided to write this thing one day, I have so many damn stupid ideas for it. It'll probably be fun lol.
In the short description:pony's
Now, to read the story.
This is great!
A little short, though it is a diary anyways, so that's fine!
It should be may 23rd
Mane not mare
Pretty lacking here, they became small horses, what happened to their clothes? The lack of panic as well, and how did he write this?
How is emile writing?
Are>our
Well, I mean, this is a diary.. So the writer can just make mistakes.. yeah! That's fine.. Kinda boring and annoying to comment the mistakes(there's lots), no offense. But, it's good story-telling, perhaps a little cliche, but hey, I never write anything, at least not here, so you're the better one.
Just use more languages, zaijian, selamat tinggal, vale, etc. (Not really important I know..)
Oh, immediate answer I see.. (Lol)
This is really fun! I'm excited to see where this story goes. Though not as good as starscribe's, it's still one of the most quality side-fic.
Oh, ok, that's solved I guess..
(Wait, if it is, do you still want corrections or not? Well, I don't know if you want it or not from the beginning but, I don't know. :P)
Lol, I just realized the name sounds like Mickey mouse's friend, Minnie, exactly the same really(I think..).
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I'm pretty sure starlight here thought it was emily
You mean John?