Silver landed with a ruffle of his wings as he settled. The plan to pursue his would-be daughter had been interrupted by Rainbow Dash, as fate had decided. He nodded at his flight instructor. "How'm I doing?"
She smiled as she began prodding him with a hoof, making minute changes to his posture. "Not bad at all, just don't forget to practice it. Like I said before, tomorrow we start on flying etiquette." She narrowed her eyes and fluttered her lashes a little. "Then you can hunt for mares." Chancy, perhaps.
He blinked at the suggestion. "I have plenty around me, thanks. I'm married, for Pete's sake."
Rainbow blinked. That was not the response she expected. "I was just joking," she said unconvincingly. "I mean, what, you've got some of the best around you, huh? I guess all the rest of us seem... less?"
Silver caught it. So many balls had been tossed by him, but finally he put a mental hand on it. "Rainbow, are you jealous?"
"W-what?! No!"
Silver put a hoof on her shoulder. "You are a lovely pony, a fine sportspony, a terrific flier, and a good friend. I admire you on basically every level except what you're packing between your hind legs."
Rainbow became more scarlet at his words and closeness. He was puncturing her coolness! "I didn't ask that!"
Silver drew his hoof back. "Tomorrow, we'll go over those flying rules. Thank you, RD, for showing me all this, and being there for me."
She advanced on him and kissed his cheek without asking before taking off in a dart. He was left to crash to his haunches with a blush that she saw over her shoulder. "Still got it..." Her coolness was intact. As horn dog stallions went though, Silver really didn't rate.
Silver shook his head to clear it and rose back up. He glanced at the retreating form of RD, then turned to head inside. RD would make a fine wife, someday, long after the series ended and she was allowed. "Thanks," he spoke to the Text, which he assumed could hear him. At least he was allowed to find family and love despite his troubles. His own story didn't have those limitations.
He didn't find Samantha. But he did find Night and the foals. Night was happy to see him and moved in for nuzzles and to casually hand him the foals as he came close. "There you are. I need a little decompress time and it's your turn to play fo--"
"--Hold up there. Let's go somewhere, together, all of us." Silver nuzzled her cheek. "Our foals are part of the family, not a burden. Let's go to your favorite place."
Night nodded a little. "You're right, of course, but you get to hold them a moment." She quirked a smile. "So. where have you been all day?"
They began to talk off together towards dinner, chatting about the day's events. No matter how stressful the day had been, being with one another made it all seem manageable.
Luna stepped quietly into Celestia's room. "Sister?"
"You look troubled." Celestia sat up fully. "Did he repel you somehow?"
"He was prepared, but I pressed on." She licked her lips softly. "He... He has faults, but lives and feels. He is not a pure monster, but he is perilously close. I don't think even he realizes how close he is to that."
Celestia opened a wing. "Sit beside me. You look very shaken."
"I'm fine," protested Luna even as she took the offered space and leaned against Celestia. "He knows much, and is willing to use it. He wants to claim all he was denied in the human world."
Celestia perked an ear. "He has bits, he could find a wife easily enough. What more does he want?"
"I don't think he knows." Luna frowned a little. "He will keep grabbing until his hands are full, then take some more, balancing it all precariously until it, and he, falls over."
"Did you spy on his dreams then?"
"I took part in them."
"Oh? What did you do?"
Luna knew that what one did in a dream was just a dream, but still, telling that to Celestia... "We... talked..."
"Be truthful, sister."
Celestia could see right through Luna. Having a larger sister came with positives and negatives. "I mated with him, as a human female."
"Luna! You were not sent to do that! Whatever compelled you?" Despite her words, she drew Luna closer, hugging her with a wing lovingly.
Luna could not doubt she was cared for. "Things got out of hoof, and he turned my interest into passion, and there we were. I let him, and we did it. I... showed him being a pony, but he reacted very poorly, and the dream ended."
"I should think so." Celestia shook her head. "Just because some accept such things doesn't mean they all do. Of the humans that arrived, many are still quite happily human, living among us as they were born, and we should not press them, only redress their crimes, when that comes up."
Luna flipped her ears back. "I have Silver's thoughts with me, but it was my decision, and I accept that. With his mind, being transformed seems an opportunity to learn and see, not horror. The look in his eyes when he realized what I had done... He is not the same, and I did wrong by him." She frowned a little. "I wish he was not so set on this destructive path against us, or I would apologize."
Celestia rolled a hoof. "You could anyway. Whatever he decides, you are beholden to yourself and your own sense of right and wrong. He may spurn your words and send you away, but that doesn't mean your words don't need to be said."
Luna gave a little nod. "I will be the better then. I will apologize to him." She rose, separating from the wing embrace. "It seems unlikely he is unaware of my presence. I will admit my actions and apologize, even if he is likely to--"
"It just occurred to me."
"Hmm?"
Celestia smiled gently. "You often act recklessly around humans. Will you marry this one as well?"
Luna went red, her wings shooting out. "Sister! That is an extremely low blow and uncalled for!"
Celestia shook her head. "It was beneath me, I'm sorry. Go, see how he reacts. Know that I'm with you, and love you, despite my teasing."
Luna snorted softly and trotted from the room, riled up.
“NOOO!!!”
John sat up in bed as he yelled, wide-eyed and panting. For a moment he looked around wildly, before catching sight of his hands…human hands, rather than hooves. As he reached total wakefulness, he let out a sigh, relaxing at the realization that it had all been a dream.
As far as dreams went, that had been one of the better ones before it had suddenly turned horrific at the end. While he felt almost no attachment to his old life, that would have been a very different story if he’d met a woman like that before coming here. As it was, he had clearly been in Equestria too long.
But it’s not like there was anything he could do about that now. He was stuck here, notwithstanding the Equestria Girls version of Earth, and heading there now would significantly derail his plans. He’d just have to endure it.
Laying back down, John smiled to himself as he thought about what would happen once everything fell into place. Once he had what he needed, he’d be able to…able to… His thoughts trailed off as he glanced back at the wall behind his bed. He’d hung Zecora’s dreamcatcher there before going to sleep, but now, in the dim glow of the streetlights shining through the curtains, all he could see was a scorch mark where it had been.
For a moment he just stared at the black spot on the wall in horror, feeling his blood turn to ice water in his veins. Then he vaulted from the bed, switching on the closest lamp as he moved to examine it more closely, hoping that further investigation would lead to a different conclusion.
It didn’t. If anything, it confirmed what he feared, as there were a few sticks and pieces of string mixed with a small pile of ashes – all that remained of his dreamcatcher – on the ground. The reason for that was obvious: something had overpowered the dreamcatcher’s magic enough to destroy it, and that meant…
Luna had been in his dream.
The feelings that arrived on the heels of that realization could only be called complete and utter humiliation. To have had someone else rooting around in his head, to see him at his most vulnerable and unguarded…it was a violation of irreducible proportions. It was enough to make him sink to his knees, head in his hands as he struggled to process what had happened.
For long moments, he stayed that way, curled up and shaking in an effort to control himself, to suppress what he felt the way he had done ever since he had arrived in Equestria. But for the first time, it was more than he was capable of doing, and with a snarl he shot to his feet, grabbing the nearby lamp and flinging it against the opposite wall as hard as he could, shattering it into a thousand pieces.
He didn’t stop there, proceeding to destroy anything he could get his hands on. Anything that caught his eye was smashed, torn, or overturned in blind fury. He was staying in an expensive long-term hotel room, and knew he’d pay a price for what he was doing, but at the moment he couldn’t bring himself to care.
It was only after thoroughly trashing everything he could that he sank into a corner, feeling not at all better for his tantrum. If anything, he felt even worse, unable to stop remembering the intimate moments he’d unwittingly shared with the mental intruder. Luna was probably sharing what she’d learned with Celestia right now, the two of them having a laugh at his expense!
I swear, I will rip that little whore’s horn off and stab it through that shriveled organ she calls a heart! That, and similar dark fantasies, played out in his head as he tried to come to grips with what had happened. He wanted to go out and make good on them right now, and only the absolute certainty that he’d fail, and probably die in the attempt, kept him from attempting to do so.
He sat there for a long time, just trying to piece himself back together. Intellectually, he knew he had little right to complain about what had happened. He had struck first after all, and he had known even before he had that it was only a matter of time before the princesses counterattacked. But he had badly underestimated the sheer magnitude of their retaliation, and now...now he was paying the price for that.
As his rage slowly settled, John felt his resolve waver. While he knew that Luna had gained no real information from him during their encounter, that was purely due to luck. If she tried again…
Lurching to his feet, John stumbled to the nearby closet, rooting around in it until he found the single remaining dreamcatcher in the back of it. He’d had Zecora make two for him, just in case something had happened to the first one. But now, the utter futility of his preparations was fully apparent. A second dreamcatcher would fare no better than the first.
Luna would be back, of that John was absolutely certain. And with his having no way to stop her, it was only a matter of time before she found out what he was trying to accomplish. And once that happened…a shudder ran through him as he thought of what she and her sister would do to him then.
He stood there for long moments, weighing his options, before finally admitting what he already knew: that he had no options, except to cut his losses and retreat. It would mean losing all of the ground he’d gained up until now, but without a more reliable method of defeating Luna’s dreamwalking, there was no other recourse.
Sighing in resignation, John moved to write a quick letter, explaining to whoever read it that he’d needed to go “abroad” for sudden health issues, and that the Lunar Benefit Fund should be managed by…John paused for a moment before writing Silver’s name, mostly because he felt sure that the Human Ambassador was weak-willed enough that reclaiming the organization at a later date, if he felt like doing so, would be no trouble.
Getting dressed, John quickly checked out – leaving a large amount of bits to pay for the damages – and headed for the Canterlot train station. He could be at Ponyville before noon, and since Princess Twilight had no guards at her castle, he’d likely be able to break in and find the mirror portal without anyone even being aware of it.
As he boarded the train, John took one last look at the castle, towering about the rest of the city. Luna, and through her the rest of the ponies, had won this round. But as he was slowly spirited out of the city, “John Smith” swore to himself that this wasn’t over. He’d find a solution, regardless of how long it took, and when he did then he’d pick up where he’d left off.
This setback, as monumental as it was, wasn’t the end, he vowed silently. It was only the end of the beginning…
This sentence should be italicized, to show that it's a thought.
"Silently vowed" should be changed to "swore to himself," otherwise it's redundant when the same phrase is used two sentences later.
Likewise, the final sentence - "But as he was slowly spirited out of the city, “John Smith” swore to himself that this wasn’t over." - should be deleted.
7397556 Fix'd.
7397562 Ah, you deleted too much. That last line:
...should still be there.
7397568 More fixing. There was no laughing at him though.
Celestia smiled gently. "You often act recklessly around humans. Will you marry this one as well.........
Oh god no.... I have waited to long for Luna to finally join Silver and Night
Hah! Silver weak willed? Somehow I don't see that
accept such thing - accept such things
seperating from the wing embrace - separating from the wing embrace
shaking in effort - shaking in the effort
explaining to whomever - explaining to whoever
Should this be in quotation marks?
*****
What a sad creature this Mr. Smith turned out to be.
7397615 Typos given the royal treatment, fed only to the finest lunar ponies!
Luna messed up, but at least she's far less petulant and eager to fix things.
Git Reked scrub.
7397615
I did some checking, and I think it should actually be "an" effort.
7397639 More fixing!
7397615
I think Agent Mulder said it best, in the X-Files episode "Pusher":
"He was always such a... little man. This was finally something that made him feel big."
And then the train crashed.
I wonder if Vide Smith has lost it to the point where he willing to go to the source of Dreamcatcher magic, blend it with Blood and Soul Magic, and end up Verlaxing himself.
With the Lunar Charity being reassigned, it gives Silver and Celestia time to work out defenses and counterattacks for when Vide returns?
Such an accountant. Its a good thing Discord already has the Schmooze as a freind. Then again, he is Green Goo, and I bet Vide would far rpefer Grey Goo.
7397655
The endless need for more is a lot like changelings and love, no? But to label an entire species that way, human or changelings, for the actions of a few. And there's always the chance for redemption. It tends to happen a lot in Equestria. Not always, nor on the first try however.
What a miserable pile of secret and deceit "John Smith" turned out to be.
Can someone end his life? I'm getting a bit tired of him...
I hope Smith goes to Eqg universe and get that Luna instead of this one.....
7397752
To steal a quote from GI Joe: The most dangerous animal in the world is a green officer... in the dark... With a pack of matches...
In the final analysis, Mr. Smith is the man without a plan. He has knowledge that he can put to effect for his own profit, but really only because he's the first in the door and is operating without competition. He has no experience wielding that power and really took no precautions to protect himself from the system he was attempting to act against, so as soon as he began to sow seeds of disharmony, the world rose up and hammered him.
Add to the fact that he has no clear goals, that he is angry and narcissistic. Instead of a potential to be a powerful leader, he's ripe to be the pawn of anyone with power and wisdom to manipulate him to their ends.
7397980 You know, that had occurred to me too.
7397988
Oh no, there was a plan. It just never came to light over the course of this story, but even so there were plenty of hints that he had a very specific goal that he was trying to accomplish (which makes this statement of yours rather hard to comprehend).
This is true, and is one of the most popular tropes for when a character goes to a world that has some aspect which is less developed than their own (going all the way back to, at the very least, Mark Twain's A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court).
Yeah, no. Again, I really don't see how you came to this conclusion. Questions of experience notwithstanding, he wielded the power he had adroitly, and was building on it fairly well (e.g. leveraging AmNeigh, which was initially well-received, into the Lunar Benefit Fund, which was even better received). Likewise, he did take precautions - his dreamcatchers - against retaliation; it was just that they were insufficient when the rulers of the system that he was attempting to subvert (which is a far cry from "the world") struck back.
His goal was only unclear because he was keeping it deliberately under wraps. There's nothing to suggest that someone else could manipulate him (quite the opposite, really); even Luna's tryst with him, while pushing some buttons, wasn't due to her manipulations. In fact, that was her attempting to manipulate him and failing at doing so.
In all I'm glad the dreamcatcher nonsense failed. It was getting a little too obvious with the plot armor.
Gonna be funny when he realizes that mirror is a one way trip if he thinks being a pony is such a horrible thing. Even funnier if the trip through the mirror the first time confuses the magic and he ends up a pony on the other side instead.
7397783 Indeed. In fact, I dub him Scrappy.
7398091
The fact that it failed the very first time it was put to the test should have made it obvious that it wasn't "plot armor."
If the best criticism you can come up with is a link to TVTropes, then you're not making very good criticism. Try coming up with your own words instead.
7398129 Alright.
He's a shoe-horned in creator's pet drama llama whose sole purpose in the story is to cause problems to be solved, with any and all actual 'depth' to his character being added well after the point where most of us have decided to hate him and/or just want to move the feather on. The whole thing comes across as something one of David's friends asked to include in an already popular story / series. The best thing that came out of this is that lunar colt getting a bit of love (or whatever it is Samantha feels for him, I don't really know), and a bit of muckraking to get some more attention on the Lunar ponies but... Silver was going to do that anyway.
He is (portrayed as) an example of exactly the kind of human that the more misanthropic readers would jettison from an airlock without a second thought, and if he isn't 'really', then stick him in his own story where people won't view him as a hurdle to be overcome and one that's overstayed its welcome at that. This isn't a story about John "Meaninglessly Withholds His Real Name" Smith, this isn't a story where the audience is going to see the redeeming qualities in a character I'm sure his creator has spent plenty of time thinking up and why he's actually pretty OK given how he's tormented or blah blah blah. He's a minor character, and one that is disliked by - reviewing comments and not just my own - a pretty decent chunk of readers, even if the level of dislike varies. If he ends up a major villain, then the way he's been portrayed and characterized thus far is going to make him a very weak villain, but as it is, he's just been eating up screen time and acting as a plot device with an annoying penchant for avoiding karmic backlash.
I don't like him not (just) because he's the kind of person that would look on paradise and see a list of resources, but because he doesn't serve any purpose in this story except to churn the waters of Silver's position, and start off a few more story threads. Add that to the general avoidance of any kind of (significant) repercussions of his actions and my general hatred of villains of the 'chessmaster' archtype, and he becomes nothing more than a target for my hatred of every kind of person like him, and given the general dislike, I don't think I'm the only one who has found such a target.
In short: You have either failed to create a likable character, or wildly succeeded in making an unlikable one.
And Night was finally so happy to have Luna in the herd so much progress for nothing
7398184
I'm quite pleased that you've offered a reply with some substance. Ergo, my reply:
Leaving aside that you're not backing up what you mean by "shoe-horned" [sic] - I won't even get into your regression into memes with "drama llama," which I presume you added in there "for the lulz" - you're right that his entire presence in the story is to cause problems to be solved. You don't actually say why this is a bad thing, which leaves that particular point dangling rather awkwardly. The entire point of an antagonist is to create problems that the protagonist(s) need to solve.
You're use of quotes around "depth" suggests that you have a problem on that front, but once again you don't elaborate, so there's really no response I can offer there. Insofar as it being added later, again, you're not saying why that's bad. If the issue is that you've already decided that you don't like the character, then that's pretty well reflective of the fact that you've made up your mind already, rather than anything about his presence in the story.
So you seem to be indicting collaborations altogether here, though once again you don't follow it up with anything beyond the implication itself.
Again, if you don't say why you like or dislike something, you're not offering anything substantive.
I'm glad we can agree that they're misanthropes.
Except that the narrative purpose he served in the story was that of a hurdle to be overcome. I'm still not clear on why you seem to think of that as being 1) inadvertent, and 2) a bad thing.
Except that it wasn't meaningless, as his debut chapter had Silver recognizing immediately that it marked him as a character who was being unforthcoming and therefore not trustworthy.
Strictly speaking, the story is about whatever the creator makes it about (or, alternatively, the story is about whatever each individual reader happens to take away from it). Likewise, whether his qualities are redeeming, damning, or anything else is a matter of opinion. Neither of which tells me anything substantive about why you didn't like his character.
Even if we leave aside the notation that the comments don't represent anything besides the individual commenters, let alone a "decent chunk" of all readers (a la the 1% Rule), I'm not at all sure why you're pointing out the self-evident fact that he's a minor character. Of course he is; he's a supporting character, and a guest one at that.
That's because, at this point in time, he is a weak villain, in terms of what he's able to actually accomplish. Once again, you're pointing out facts that we're in agreement on, but not telling me why you think that these are bad things.
You mean besides the backlash that he received in this chapter? Moreover, all characters are devices in service of the narrative's plot; that's what characters in a story do.
Okay, now we're getting into something substantive. Yes, he's a character that came to an idyllic place and started making trouble for his own benefit. Again, this was completely intentional. You can't have a bad guy without them doing bad things.
Yes, but you're not telling me why you don't like this, which is what I'm asking. From what I can tell, you seem to be saying that you'd prefer that his motivation and goals were more apparent upfront. That's certainly a fair critique, to which I can tell you that this wasn't done purposefully, rather than due to any sort of oversight. By initially reducing his character to his actions, it allowed it to be made obvious that he was acting in a way that wasn't in line with Equestria's virtues of friendship and harmony. Showing his motivations (which, we found out in the last chapter, were somewhat tragic, rather than simply showcasing a desire to do evil for any sort of enjoyment) would have diluted that right out of the gate.
Insofar as actions that he'd face repercussions for, there were two: AmNeigh (though I suppose you could count that as multiple actions, if you looked at Filthy Rich and Samantha separately), and his actions with the Lunar Benefit Fund. Likewise, he did pay for the latter (unless you don't think that that was significant, which is an angle that has some merit to it). However, that was also deliberate; his character was one who tried to act in a way that allowed him to avoid the consequences for his actions (which is understandable; someone doing something they know is bad is usually going to try and get away with it).
So in other words, there were no particular failings with his portrayal as a character per se, and your dislike for him is based entirely around personal reasons.
I'm honestly amazed that there's any kind of ambiguity with regards to this character's role in the story. He's supposed to be a bad guy! While some villains can become popular icons, for the most part they're not supposed to be the characters you root for. There's no "either" about it.
The only point of ambiguity that I can see people stumbling over is the revelation that he was a rather pathetic figure on Earth, rather than someone who enjoyed doing bad things to good people. If that's the case, then I want to put the record straight right now: that wasn't supposed to generate sympathy for him. Rather, it was supposed to showcase the source of his villainy, which was tragic/petty in nature, and not any sort of overt love for inflicting misery on others. Neither of those things were meant to undercut his nature as a villain (a tragic bad guy is still a bad guy doing bad things), but rather to amplify it. Doing bad things for such small reasons made him pathetic, which is the opposite of the grandiose character that he wanted to think of himself as; that was intended to be the takeaway from that particular revelation.
So yeah, I'm taking your post as confirmation of success on my part.
7398042
My statement is based upon Princess Luna's assessment of Mr. Smith's character. Which feels spot-on based upon what we've seen. He doesn't know what he wants, so he's grabbing for what he thinks he wants. That's what I mean when I say he has no plan. How can he have a plan when he hasn't really got a handle on his own needs?
Yes, he has plans in the sense that he has immediate and possibly intermediate goals that he wants to accomplish. What he lacks is an understanding of what he needs in order to feel satisfied. So he has plans and he's acting to bring to fruition. Does he have a grasp of his own character to the point that he knows what it will take to satisfy him, or is he just flailing around and going after what he thinks he wants and hoping it will be enough?
Anyway, I hope this clarifies what I was saying instead of further muddying the waters.
7398485
This is very different from what you stated in your previous post. To that end, saying that he doesn't know what he wants is a much more credible statement (though I think that it's more correct to posit that he's mistaken about what he wants. Though there's certainly a case to be made that he knows exactly what he wants, and is simply mistaken about his current goals being able to fulfill those wants).
Leaving aside the difference between needs and wants, you very adroitly answer your own question in your very next paragraph:
As well as a set of schemes for accomplishing them, which is the very definition of a plan.
Which is the very opposite of being "a man without a plan."
I'm not sure I'd characterize having a clear goal - even if it's the wrong goal - and a plan to reach it as "flailing around," but otherwise you're on the right track, here.
It does; I appreciate the clarification.
John Smith's actions and Celestia's initial plans for him reminds me of Alzrius(the character) from Silver's Ponyfinder stories and his hostile attitude towards the princesses are almost identical with what was shown in Ponyfinder and Alzrius'(the author) story though without the autism.
Was this intentional? Cause if it is, he might come back later to encounter a challenge of sorts from the Royal Sisters.
7398609 Notwithstanding that the other character of mine that you're referring to was Lex Legis, I have to compliment you on your noticing the parallels between the two characters. Good eye!
This was partially intentional on my part, as I greatly enjoy characters that are defined (at least in large part) not only by their worst aspects, but having those aspects be pettiness of character, rather than anything grandiose. Insofar as that's concerned, both Lex Legis and John Smith were cut from the same cloth. The difference was how I had them react to it; Lex was struggling to overcome that part of himself, something abetted by his actually finding someone who loved him for who he was. John Smith, by contrast, was completely consumed by it from the start.
That Celestia took the same approach to both characters (e.g. "exile them via a promotion") is an amusing coincidence.
7398652 So it's your fault that Luna joining the herd Is falling apart..... you monster
I think you might have literally killed this story for me
7398690 You'll like tomorrow's chapter.
7398824 can't tell if that's sarcasm or not
7398845 I'm 90% confident.
7398859 Then I will trust you
Well at least Luna will try. Granted it might be too late and he'll have excellent ammunition with Luna's (probably going to be public) apology, let's see if he takes advantage...
Keep going! ;)
So,
Fairly sure that should be trotted.
You may be surprised.
let and die or left and to die
7399085 Fix'd!
7399020
What.....no....
7399020
7399437
7396993
Huh... No shit it works.
Thanks for telling me.
7399455
This seems unreasonably clumsy of Luna, considering what she pulled on Silver.
Not gonna lie my disappointment on this. There'd been so much built up regarding criminal humans, AmNeigh, and even the sisters' plans that it all gets thrown out the window before anything can really happen.
huh, i thought the mirror portal was in the Crystal Empire's castle...
7840509
Guess you know it already, but it were moved to Twi's and she made it possible to open anytime.
While I would have liked a firm resolution, I am glad Smith is gone. Every time he was on the page my blood pressure rose for some reason.
10448184
He has a modern human business mind in a land that would fall to it easy, if temporarily. He represents a common, and regularly justified, fear people hold, but are rarely well equipped to deal with. An existential threat you can't see properly until you're already a victim.